Young Writers Society

So, I wrote this and a lot of people on here have read it. I know I have some historical facts wrong such as dates and stuff, but I need to know what else I should correct before rewriting it. Thanks!

Katarinna Dresner is a respectable woman of the Nazi party. Her father being an officer in the Nazi army, she is expected to follow the life style laid down before her. But when she meets Jacob Gottlieb, a Jew struggling to maintain a small household of his two children she realizes that the ways she has been taught are false, that there is so much that hasn’t been said. When her father leaves to go be an officer at a labor camp and leaves her behind to take care of their home she hides Jacob and his family, falling even more madly in love with him and more into the depths of treason against the Fuhrer.

Hey there,
I'll be glad to review this for you. i haven't read it before, and have sometime on my hands. i hope to be done by wednesday. Is that okay?

Tiffany

P.S. I am not done with your review because some school things have came up, but I am working on it

I am about half way through your novel, and I love the plot. There were somethings I wanted to cover though before I forgot them:

1) you don't use a whole lot of descritpion, and I feel as though you tell the readers more than you show them.
Showing: My breath hung in the air as the frost whipped all around me.
Telling: it was cold outside.

2) you need to be careful of your contractions. When combining words you have to use an apostrophe. You do it some times; just make sure to do it all the time, espically it's for it is.

3) You switch tenses sometimes, but I think this can be fixed by a simple proof reading by yourself. Please go through and re-read your novel, esically out loud. i know that helps alot when you need to know if something sounds awkward or not.

I hope this helps you. I am still going through your novel and making corrections. It will be up soon I promise.
Yay, I only have about 16 pages to go. I will have your full review posted today!

I just wanted to add something to my list:

4) You have some trouble with placing commas. I wanted to add a few rules here:
a) When addressing someone. For example: "I love you, mom." or "Dad, goodnight."
b) When using a conjunction to add two complete sentences. For example "I love to run, and my dog always runs with me."

That's all for now

5) When using semi-colons you are conjoining two complete sentences, don't use commas.

I will happily review this also, I should be done by the end of this week or early next, it's my half-term.

TIGERSPRITE

Hi there! I'll be happy to review this as well.

Smiles,
Alexxa

Overall: This was an amazing story, and it pulled me along the whole way, bravo.

A few more things I need to add:

1) Be careful of run-on sentences. The readers needs a breath every once an a while

2) The dialogue seemed of today's standards, maybe try listening to songs from that era or reading books, and try to get a feel of how they really talked back then.

Here is my attached review, please PM me back if you have any questions. I hope it was helpful.