In terms of the plot line, I've really enjoyed this story. It's original and interesting with a nice mix of characters. However there a quite a errors that interupt the flow of the story: misused words (were=where, of=off, are=our etc.), wrong or missing punctuation and unnecesary or missing capitalization. Once you go back and fix those things, I think you'll have a really great story.
I like how you were able to introdue us to the school and other students through having Heather meet the kids and explore the grounds rather than just describing the whole thing to us as the narrator. I think that this story has a lot of potential once you clean up the spelling and grammar bits. Unlike one of the other reviewers, I don't think that Quin and Heather fell in love too quickly. They've been spending a lot of time together during the day and it sounds like they go out running together most/all nights, so it makes sense to me if they develop feelings for each other.
The one thing plot wise that I don't really like is how abruptly this story ends. Unless I misunderstood something, I thought you said that this is the first of three books but where you ended this one doesn't feel like an ending. In a series, there needs to be some problems that remain unresolved at the end of the book so that there is a reason to write a sequel but I've never seen a book that ends so suddenly. I feel like the story and the transition to the next book would be smoother if Quin and Heather figured out why Jack knows about the school and someone reveals the reason behind the special inspector's visit before the end of this book.
Overall, great job. I'd love to read the next parts when you get them posted.
Gender:
Points: 3689
Reviews: 19