Username or E-mail:
Forget your password?
Young Writers Society
Looking for General Feedback
Thu Mar 22, 2012 1:31 am
Alright, so this might be a little..."narrated" for the writer's corner, and if the "tell don't show" method is preferred for this board I'll not use this format again. I'll remove, reformat and repost if need-be.
The following is something I typed-up for the forum and a redo of a concept-pitch for my main fantasy project. There is a lot more information I could include here, like details about the races and whatnot, but I decided to leave it with what I have for now. So without further ado, here is what I
Long ago in the distant past, vast and mighty empires ruled this world. But as great as their arcane crafts were, a shadow crept throughout their realms, twisting the direction of the kings and lords of that time and luring the people en mass into decadence and debauchery. Even as their society decayed from within, their arcane ambitions continued, and in time they even learned the secrets to altering both man and beast.
Giants were created to lend power to the armies. But as time passed, and more and more of these giants appeared in the ranks, their leaders grew tired of serving the Ancients and the corrupting manipulators who hid away in the shadows. The giants rebelled, seeking to carve their own realm out of the lands of the Ancients. Thus began the Wars of the Giants. However, as great as these wars were they would not be the final undoing of the Ancient world.
A great calamity would strike the world, sending all plummeting back into primordial chaos. Some fled into the massive caverns thathad been carved by the Ancients deep beneath the earth. Sealing themselves inside, they abandoned those without to their fates. Far removed from the chaos, these cavern-dwellers lived in shelters filled with false light, and a deceptive security.
But on the surface above, an entirely different world was rapidly changing. Lands of ash and fire gave way to realms of ice and blizzard. From this, a new world arose as the chaos passed. And the same ancient powers which affected the great beasts, also affected the tribes of men. From the Northmen of the west, to the Uighars far to the east, all have been affected by the chaos. It is unto this world that the cavern-dwellers now ascend, a world ruled by the heirs of those that conquered the Age of Chaos.
In the early days of this new world, another race created by one of the lost empires set out to rebuild their world. These were the Elves, created by the Ancients known to the Northern Continent as the Ancestors. It was the Ancestors' hope that these Elves would survive the coming strife along with some of their knowledge, and restore the might of the past. But the Elves' knowledge of the secrets of the Ancients was too shallow to match that of the lost empires.
Even with this they set-out, building cities and reaching out to establish trade.
Despite their efforts, beastmen, tribes of men and other races rejected them. As invasions and raids were brought against them, the Elves rejected the notion of continuing to try to resurrect the past, and removed themselves from their scattered and far-flung holds.
So what do you think of this idea?
(On another note I have a bunch of concepts floating around in my head, and I'm tempted to write up other pitches and bringing them here. Don't worry, no more of the narrative looking stuff like this if it's more appropriate for the Review board.)
Thu Mar 22, 2012 11:20 pm
It's okay for an idea, but be sure to widen the concept to something different and surprising to the readers. There are some parts of the idea which are common, some of the themes are, too. But I feel that you can have something special into it, so try to!
Need some feed? Then read some! Take a look at today's Squills at
In the News
takes a tattle!
Stories are like yarn; just hold on to the tip and let the ball roll away
Lots of times you have to pretend to join a parade in which you're not really interested in order to get where you're going.
— Christopher Darlington Morley
Copyright © 2016
Young Writers Society
YWS logo created by Jordan Bobo
Header images ©
About / Info
Become a Supporter
Forums & RPG
Cover Art Creator
Poetic Lines Gen
Story Theme Gen
94,190 Literary Works • 495,446 Reviews