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Should I continue this?



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Fri Mar 16, 2012 6:32 pm
ShadowPrincess16 says...



This is the Prologue of the novel I just started. I'm not sure if I should continue or not because, to my ears at least, it doesn't sound good. But, since I don't like anything I write, I decided to post it here and see what others thought about it.

"Prologue
Rayanne Blakefield
Immortal Isles, Midnight Isle
July 7, 1652

“I do not fear death.”
Her voice was little more than a whisper but he heard every word. She did not fear death, she had said, as though that should somehow relieve his pain. Who cared if she feared it when it was happening already? Rayanne was dying, the life draining from her eyes even now. He looked down into her vivid green eyes and saw her watching him, reading the expressions on his face the way she had always done. It did not matter anymore. She could feel his pain as if it were her own. He saw his pain reflected in her eyes and could no longer be angry. Tears came then as his rage faded and was replaced by a grief so deep it seemed to shatter his very soul. They coursed down his face even as she reached a weak hand towards his face to wipe them away.
“No tears. Please…please do not cry.” She begged, her own eyes brimming with tears.
“I can’t help it Rayanne. You’re dying.”
“It is not forever. I will return, love. I will come back to you. You know I will.”
“300 years in the future you will return to me. Until then I will be incomplete, a shadow of myself.”
“It will be hard for me as well but we must do it.”
His throat closed, locking his reply in his throat. Holding her close to him, he buried his face in the crook of her neck and inhaled her scent. She began to sob then, her grief taking control as she prepared herself to leave him. Their bodies shook, tears washing tracks down their faces. After a few moments, Rayanne pulled back and looked at him, her green eyes echoing the love that filled his heart. She kissed him quickly but deeply before speaking.
“I love you Colt.”
“As I love you Rayanne.” He whispered back, his voice breaking.
They stared at each other for a few more seconds before she laid her head on his chest and closed her eyes. He felt her heart stop as the last of her lifeblood drained. Tears coursed down his cheeks as he clutched her body close to him. He could not move, though he knew he needed to take her body back to the castle, prepare it for the funeral. She had taken his soul with her, the very core of his life was gone, and without it, he was nothing more than a shadow of the man she had loved. For 360 years, he would walk through life with only the knowledge that she would return someday…"

Thanks!
“wanting what you could not have led to misery and madness”
― Cassandra Clare, Clockwork Prince
  





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82 Reviews



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Fri Mar 16, 2012 6:36 pm
TheClosetKidnapper says...



Please do! I would definitely read more of this.
Though, if you don't enjoy writing it, there's no point. A work is only as good as the effort and joy put into it. At least, that's what I think.
I'm never what I like
I'm double sided
And I just can't hide
I kind of like it
When I make you cry
'Cause I'm twisted up, twisted up
Inside

Semiautomatic
twenty one pilots
  





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20 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 408
Reviews: 20
Fri Mar 16, 2012 8:12 pm
ShadowPrincess16 says...



Thanks. I've decided to continue it. I've had several other new ideas but this was the one that has spoken to me the clearest. The characters in this one (I've given it the temporary title of Immortalis) seem to yell at me.
“wanting what you could not have led to misery and madness”
― Cassandra Clare, Clockwork Prince
  





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82 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 2557
Reviews: 82
Fri Mar 16, 2012 8:17 pm
TheClosetKidnapper says...



I know what you mean. I stopped writing a novel a few months ago and was looking back at it recently and with each page I passed through it seemed like my characters were whining "Why didn't you finish me?" So I've been going back on it every so often.
And I read what you've posted of it so far (the first and second chapter). It's really interesting! :)
I'm never what I like
I'm double sided
And I just can't hide
I kind of like it
When I make you cry
'Cause I'm twisted up, twisted up
Inside

Semiautomatic
twenty one pilots
  





User avatar
20 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 408
Reviews: 20
Fri Mar 16, 2012 8:28 pm
ShadowPrincess16 says...



I had originally started this one when I was 15 but I got sidetracked with another one. I picked it up again and found that I really liked the idea for it. Plus, Rayanne and Arianne's characters seemed to jump out at me the most. Colt and Ryder jump out too but Rayanne and Arianne are more vivid somehow.
And thanks! I'm working on the third chapter right now and I'm loving it.
“wanting what you could not have led to misery and madness”
― Cassandra Clare, Clockwork Prince
  





User avatar
82 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 2557
Reviews: 82
Fri Mar 16, 2012 8:30 pm
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TheClosetKidnapper says...



I do that all the time and there's always one or two main characters that stick out.
You're welcome! Can't wait to read it!
I'm never what I like
I'm double sided
And I just can't hide
I kind of like it
When I make you cry
'Cause I'm twisted up, twisted up
Inside

Semiautomatic
twenty one pilots
  








"My spelling is wobbly. It's good spelling, but it wobbles, and the letters get in the wrong places."
— A.A. Milne