Young Writers Society

Hey, I randomly got an idea for a fantasy type story. I don't know why, I barely read any fantasy books/movies. So I wanted to post this, just to make sure it's not oozing cliche-ness.

Note: Names are placeholders for now, since I can't think of anything good.

World: The story takes place on Earth, in a county called Land (see what I mean about the names?).The layout is similar to our Earth, with trees and mountains and such. The government there is a dictatorship,but there is a small country near it that is a Democracy. Meh, I haven't figured out much about it yet.

Classes: Here are the main classes in the world. Three of them are magic-using. The last is just regular people, with medieval technology and weaponry.

Mages: Mages harness magical energy by getting tattoos on their skin. The tattoos give a wide variety of powers. Each tattoo gives them a specific ability, such as controlling an earthly element. There are endless designs of tattoos, each giving a unique power. Because of this, high-class mages are covered in tattoos. The strength of there magic depends largely on the craftsmanship of the tattoo they receive.
Good tattoos are very expensive to get, akin to something like getting a car in our world (for reference.) If you get a cheap one made of cheap materials, the magic will be severely dampened and may not even work. So the only people who can become effective mages have to be quite rich.
Also, just because you get a tattoo doesn't mean it work perfectly. Just like any other tool, from a sword to a car, experience and practice is necessary.

Next two are basically opposites of each other. They are separate from mages. A person can choose which path to follow, but can only choose one. While anyone can become a hippie/bender, most people need to go to special schools to learn.

Hippies: They harness energy from plants and indigenous life (nature) is around them.
They use there magic by borrowing the energy from the nature surrounding them, condensing it and using it. Because of this, the more plants surround them, the more powerful they become. The more humans are around them, the weaker they become. Most people living in rural areas are hippies. They attack better using guerrilla warfare, and in a crowded city, are almost useless.

Benders: Benders harness energy from other humans and domestic animals. They gain/loss power in a similar way, but opposite (people=stronger, plants=weaker) and the same way of getting there energy. They usually live in cities. A long time ago, hippies and benders were the same, and could control everything around them. But not anymore.

Well, there you have it. Basically, all I've really figured out is the classes. So what do you think of them?

No, it's not cliche at all, if anything it's the exact opposite of cliche.

First, I'd just like to point out that clichés are such for a reason, and that nothing stops you from using a very overused premise/idea/concept and twisting it into something original. /tangent /trite

That said. I know I've seen all three forms of your magic used before, though I don't think all of them together in the same setting/stories. Can't quite remember where exactly though - they're not brand new ideas, in any case, so expect to find antecedents and similarities/comparisons being drawn.

I have a few issues with your explanations though, that make it hard to judge properly. First, just reading your current explanation, there seems to be little use to being either a hippie/bender (names that sound a tad iffy to me, by the way. Consider finding better alternatives?) when you could just skip the "special schools" and get tattooed. Bit of pain vs years of training, seems to me like the choice is easy to make. Also wondering if there's anything stopping one from being both a mage and a hippie/bender.

Also, your democracy/dictatorship idea seems to have absolutely no relevance so far. Expand a bit on the idea? As it is, you're giving us a magic system to look over rather than a proper world.

The only thing here in your preliminary idea that makes me a little wary is the fact that the hippies and benders each have their own kryptonite, and that these weaknesses are the opposite of each other. I think--judging by your other descriptions--that you could tweak it and make it a lot more elaborate with just little work.

Hopefully you will post your story (novel?) so we can read it!

I like the sound of the different ways to perform magic, though I sure hope those names are only temporarily. "Bender" has aready been used in a fantasy setting, you see (awesome show, BTW, Avatar: The Last Airbender), and I'd have a hard time taking magic users called "hippies" seriously...

One thing I'm confused about--are "benders" and "hippies" two categories of mages, or are they completely different?

Oh, if you're having trouble coming up with names, try the Fantasy Name Generator. I've found it a lifesaver and you probably will too.

Jagged wrote:First, just reading your current explanation, there seems to be little use to being either a hippie/bender (names that sound a tad iffy to me, by the way. Consider finding better alternatives?) when you could just skip the "special schools" and get tattooed. Bit of pain vs years of training, seems to me like the choice is easy to make. Also wondering if there's anything stopping one from being both a mage and a hippie/bender.

Thanks for the review. This is more of just describing the magic system, I admit. It's just that I suddenly got this idea for the three classes, and was so excited I wanted to share it .
I actually do have an idea about both those, I didn't post everything because I thought it would get boring after awhile.

1. A single tattoo is very expensive, akin to something like getting a car in our world (for reference.) If you get a cheap one made of cheap materials, the magic will be severely dampened and may not even work. So the only people who can become effective mages have to be quite rich.
Also, just because you get a tattoo doesn't mean it work perfectly. Just like any other tool, from a sword to a car, experience and practice is necessary.

2. You can definitely be a mage and a bender/hippie.

Bickazer wrote:I like the sound of the different ways to perform magic, though I sure hope those names are only temporarily. "Bender" has aready been used in a fantasy setting, you see (awesome show, BTW, Avatar: The Last Airbender), and I'd have a hard time taking magic users called "hippies" seriously...

One thing I'm confused about--are "benders" and "hippies" two categories of mages, or are they completely different?

Oh, if you're having trouble coming up with names, try the Fantasy Name Generator. I've found it a lifesaver and you probably will too.

Actually, Avatar: TLA was basically the thing that inspired me to try a fantasy story.

And benders and hippies are separate from mages.

I agree with the others who have mentioned the names; I find it very difficult to take "bender" and "hippie" seriously. I've also used the Fantasy Name Generator and think it would be a good method to find alternatives. Of course, it's up to you at the end of the day, but I don't think the names suit magic-wielders.

Why is using magic sought after? For mages, I could understand it being cosmetic, but you mention the word "attack" at one point. What are the "hippies" attacking? Is lower class magic frowned upon, or are even mages kept secret?

I think, even with the money, the mage still seems too attractive a position. I was going to explore the route of magic as a result of an operation once or twice myself; I was thinking that the act of having a tattoo itself could be, in this case, life-threatening or at least dangerous. Who are the people who have the experience to perform this operation, and how/why was it discovered? I know I'm bombarding you with questions, and I know you couldn't have posted all of this without ending up with a huge post. You don't even have to answer my questions. They're just talking points, I guess; I think it'd be good to consider them.

Lastly, how is energy harnessed and borrowed? Do the animals who provide the energy weaken or die?

As for it being clichéd, I think the context you put these magic users in will be crucial. I agree that these ideas have mostly been used before. The last question I've asked is because that's the case in Eldest (the second in Paolini's Inheritance Cycle) - borrowing energy from others is a closely guarded secret. I think if you're going to make your magic different, you really have to think it out clearly, but not at the expense of actually writing at some point.