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What Do you GUys Think? ._.



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Mon Nov 02, 2009 10:32 am
thinkerbelle14 says...



Uh, anyway. So, what do you guys think about these novel ideas?
(Just hoping to get a second opinion here)

The War As I See It:
This is about the World War II set in the Philippines where there was this 4 year old girl and what she thought of the war. You know, like how a kid would feel if she was in a war with all these Japanese soldiers threatening to kill them and stuff like that.

The Missing Light:
This is a fantasy world where in this place, all of the royal blood in Azgalor (the name of the kingdom there) have to undergo a "Rite of Passage" to the "Black Heart" once they start gaining their powers. They need to give a portion of their powers to the black heart so that if ever evil forces would come to destroy their kingdom, they could defend theirselves with the use of the black heart. Then comes a princess who is more powerful than the heart. The people fear her and they force the king and queen to kill her. To save her life, they let the princess live in hiding as a peasant in a far away village until an evil villain comes and steals the black heart and now the search begins for the powerful princess which the people disowned at first.

Nine Months of Love:
Stacy Ferill is eleven years old and her mom died giving birth to her. She just lived with her dad and somehow she still feels empty. One day, she discovers her mom's stuff and a crusty old diary which her mom was writing in for 9 months and reading it page by page she felt nine months worth of love her mom gave her, that she would risk her own life, battling a life-threatening disease just to give her a chance to live.


I've still got a lot more, but before I continue I just want to have somce comments maybe on how to make it better once they're all done so I could work on the rest which I've have pre-outlined already.

So, what do you think? :D Did I cut it? :D
"Only fantasy has a world where things unflod into a way where in it is perfect yet predictable, and that is why I'd rather stick to real life, where there are unexpected bumps along the road." - my quotes :P
  





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Tue Nov 03, 2009 9:50 am
hero says...



The War as I See It:
I like it, but you'd also have to look for interview with people actually then and there. Also, I always get a little annoyed when the Japanese are portrayed as soulless killing-machines in most Pacific-War novels (lives in Japan), so give them a little heart...? Also, a four year-old is a bit young for a narrator. I'd say, bump up three years, because then she knows what's going on, but adults won't discuss things in front of her.

The Missing Light:
Here, no. No no no. It sounds a bit cliche, this 'princess too powerful' and 'evil villain' and 'she's in hiding!' I like the black heart thing, mostly because I have no idea what it is, so I'm just imagining a Dali-esque world.

Nine Months of Love:
It has the R Factor (people reading it go 'Awh'). Awwh.
This guy is so evil you could put him in between two slices of bread and call him an evil sandwich.

Coming at you like a jetpack Shakespeare.

Hero's Reviews
http://www.youngwriterssociety.com/topic53905.html
  





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Thu Nov 05, 2009 7:01 pm
foxfire says...



The War as i see it:

ha, i'm from the philippines and i can relate by that story...okay it is a good one because not many war stories i've read are from the philippines. Most are from nazi germany or britain or america. so this is something new :P :P :P . I reckon maybe you can go to website about philippines in world war 2 amd there must be some link on stories of survival or try to find philippine history books or find a book from the philippines

The Missing Light:

it's a bit too cliche and i've seen this a lot before unless you created some twist or some original idea within the story like i don't know....maybe some alegory to histprical people or soemthing.

Nine Months of Love:
i think i've seen this before but it is interesting.
John McClane: Drop it. It's the police.
Tony: You won't hurt me.
John McClane: Oh, yeah? Why not?
Tony: Because you're a policeman. There are rules for policemen.
John McClane: Yeah. That's what my captain keeps telling me
  





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Thu Nov 05, 2009 8:05 pm
Critiq says...



They all sound a little cliche. The War As I See It is probably the best, but the hardest to write (assuming you are not a 4 year old girl). I could be sad and eventful, like Boy in the Striped Pajamas (another story about young kids in events they don't understand), but its hard to write, and especially hard to write really sad stories. 2nd one? Eh. 3rd story is okay, but it has totally been done before and it could just be a story that revels in its silence. See Death Be Not Proud if you want to do that one. But I say do the 1st story- its the best by far if you have a good plan and good talent.
Spoiler! :
I like people thinking that I have something so scandalous to say that I put it in spoiler tags, and I'm sorry that because of this selfish desire you were roped into reading this for not real lasting value.
  








I will call them my people, which were not my people; and her beloved, which was not beloved.
— Romans 9:25