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Trouble with the Supernatural



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Sun Nov 01, 2009 12:34 pm
hero says...



Well, I've been planning on re-writing something I wrote a long time ago, because it had possibility. It only got to 50 pages originally, but, hey, that's the point of re-writing, right?

Anyway, the problem with it was, that, well, back then, I thought that vampires were sooo cool, and so decided to write a couple in (Eli Goldberg, James Harding, and Amaria Stepples, to give names). That wasn't enough, so I got the MC's older sister to fall for James, and then a lot of tension because the MC stumbles upon him draining an accountant, he's still in love with Amaria, and the house-across-the-road-neighbor, Anguta, is in love with the MC's sister.
Note, I did not read Twilight before or during this thing. But now, I just feel like everybody's going to say 'It's too much like Twilight!'

So, to combat this, I've decided to change the vampires into some other creature... And this is where I'm stumped. What else feeds on humans, are stronger-than-normal, have an aversion to sunlight (it makes them rapidly age in my world, while blood makes them young), and will not make people send angry mail with the heading 'It's too much like Twilight!'
I mean, I could change a couple of the aspects, but yeah.
This guy is so evil you could put him in between two slices of bread and call him an evil sandwich.

Coming at you like a jetpack Shakespeare.

Hero's Reviews
http://www.youngwriterssociety.com/topic53905.html
  





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Sun Nov 01, 2009 1:03 pm
Karsten says...



There may be supernatural creatures other than vampires who are super-strong, age rapidly in sunlight and drink humans' blood to gain youth ... but I'm questioning whether you can pull that off without making it look like an obvious vampire ripoff. (Stronger than normal is not necessarily a problem - pretty standard for supernatural creatures.)

Time to think laterally.

Is it necessary for your supernatural creature to literally drink literal blood? Could they drink something else, perhaps a metaphysical thing - they drink life, or spirit, or essence?

The aversion to sunlight points straight to vampire. What is the function of this in your story? If you need to keep your characters indoors, you could give them a different reason. For example, they might have supernaturally strong senses and the sensory overload of the outside world (sounds, smells, sensations, sights) could be overwhelming for them - so they stay indoors to protect themselves. Or, they might have powerful natural predators who hunt by day. If the sunlight aversion doesn't play a part in your story, just axe it altogether.

I think another good way to differentiate your creatures would be, in addition to subtracting the obvious vampire stuff, to add weird new stuff. Allergic to the colour green. Eyes pop out on tentacles. Shoot lasers from their fingers. That kind of stuff. Something eye-catching and definitely not vampire-related.
  





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Mon Nov 02, 2009 5:57 am
airbear320 says...



I think that you shouldn't worry about what those other people think and write the story YOU want to write. Don't worry about what they'll say about Twilight. You should be writing for you and not for other people. People shouldn't have to be afraid to write about certain kinds of creatures or write a certain kind of story just because someone else did it too. Vampire stories existed before Stephenie Meyer and they will continue to exist long after she is gone. So, I don't think you have to change it unless you think it will make the story better.

Hope I helped. :)
"Without hard work, nothing grows but weeds."
-Gordon B. Hinckley
  





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Mon Nov 02, 2009 10:32 am
hero says...



Thanks for your input!

Karsten; I dunno about the blood thing, because that is part of the story (a lot of it focuses on blood). The sunlight thing... I could axe it straight out.
airbear320; Thanx :D. I know all the points but, hey, the less Twifans sending me letterbombs, the better. Anyway, looking back at it, I felt that the whole vampromance is done too much.

However, I need to know certain blood-sucking creatures that aren't averted to sunlight. I mean, I could always take the easy way out, and just say that they're demons, but that's too... eh.
This guy is so evil you could put him in between two slices of bread and call him an evil sandwich.

Coming at you like a jetpack Shakespeare.

Hero's Reviews
http://www.youngwriterssociety.com/topic53905.html
  





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Mon Nov 02, 2009 3:33 pm
Karsten says...



hero wrote:Thanks for your input!

Karsten; I dunno about the blood thing, because that is part of the story (a lot of it focuses on blood). The sunlight thing... I could axe it straight out.
airbear320; Thanx :D. I know all the points but, hey, the less Twifans sending me letterbombs, the better. Anyway, looking back at it, I felt that the whole vampromance is done too much.

However, I need to know certain blood-sucking creatures that aren't averted to sunlight. I mean, I could always take the easy way out, and just say that they're demons, but that's too... eh.


Couple of Wikipedia mentions of blood-drinking creatures: ghouls, baobhan sith. You could try google searching also. To be honest, I doubt there's any way to have a blood-drinking supernatural creature that does not immediately bring up vampire associations, but I look forward to seeing how you handle that.
  





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Tue Nov 03, 2009 7:21 am
hero says...



Whoo! Brainwave:

My world's vampires are the Upirik, who a) get their senses overwhelmed by alcohol, drugs, and tobacco (in one scene, the MC gets her answers by opening a ziplock bag full of hemp), b) get a ringing in the ears with exposure to anyone who hits a high F, and c) are only able to be killed if the blade/harpoon/bullet/whatever passes all the way through their body, in one way out the other.
I've also revamped the werewolf; basically, she's a witch who absorbed her twin brother in the womb; since she's from a family in which about 14% of which can transform into werewolves, she has also absorbed that trait, and her brother's mind. In order to transform, she has to get highly active (so, for example, chewing coffee beans) and then eat the heart of any animal, so long as its raw.

Are these good? Or not original enough?
This guy is so evil you could put him in between two slices of bread and call him an evil sandwich.

Coming at you like a jetpack Shakespeare.

Hero's Reviews
http://www.youngwriterssociety.com/topic53905.html
  








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