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Should I continue writing in this tense.



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Tue Sep 22, 2009 6:26 pm
certainromances. says...



As the title already says, should I continue writing in this tense. I'm not really sure, since this has been the first time I have ever done this, and I was wondering if people would be interested in reading more if I wrote a story in this tense. Like, wouldn't it become annoying after a while?

Thanks in advance for reading it.


She plays with the buttons on the remote control. No sound is emitting from the flat screen tv because she doesn’t want to wake her friends. So she sits there, upright in the four poster bed, watching the moving picture on the screen. The air is stagnant, but she doesn’t mind. Bedrooms usually smell like that in the morning. The boy next to her begins to stir around, entangling his body in the white sheets.

“Good morning Michael,” she says.

He grunts and stirs some more until he decides to wake up. He sits upright, supporting himself on one hand behind his back and moves a hand through his raven locks. His eyes are drooping heavily and his skin tone seems extremely pale.

“Did you sleep well?” she asks, but she doesn’t take her eyes of the screen. She stops playing with the buttons and scratches the mosquito bite on her upper arm with her freshly cut finger nails.

“How am I supposed to sleep when you’re tossing and turning next to me,” he says. His voice sounds extremely hoarse due to all the yelling and screaming he did last night.

“I’m sorry,” she says, and she looks him in the eyes. His grey eyes examine her entire face and she begins to feel uncomfortable under his scrutiny, so she turns away. They lapse into a momentarily silence before she remembers something. She whips her head to the side, making her auburn locks fly in the air and says, “You were trying to choke me last night,” she gasps.

He chuckles, expanding his pale lips and shakes his head. “As if Elizabeth,” he says. “Why in the world would I want to choke you?”

She lifts up her shoulders and pulls down the corners of her lips. “I don’t know, you tell me,” she says. “That’s why I couldn’t sleep,” she wondered aloud. She turns her torso to face him properly. “You were practically holding me in some sort of headlock. What is wrong with you?”
  





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Wed Sep 23, 2009 1:38 am
Rosendorn says...



That wasn't annoying to read. My only gripes were an overuse of "so" and some repetition issues. Those are things that pop up in all tenses, so nothing to worry about.

There have been whole novels in present tense, I'm reading one, and they can be just as enjoyable as past tense novels. You've crafted your sentences rather well here; as I said the issues I see are those I see in past tense works.

Just watch that your sentences don't turn into "She does this. She does that." You're doing a good job here, but just be watchful.

Hope this helps!

~Rosey
A writer is a world trapped in a person— Victor Hugo

Ink is blood. Paper is bandages. The wounded press books to their heart to know they're not alone.
  





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Thu Oct 01, 2009 10:41 pm
Evi says...



You mean third person present tense? I suppose it would by fine, yes, as long as (like Rosey said) you don't lapse into 'She does this' over and over again. However, I am generally more partial to past tense when using third. Or, if you want to keep it present tense, perhaps you could consider first person, although that would only work if you have a single main character, and it brings out a whole new set of complications. xD But, no, this isn't annoying. It boils down to a matter of preference, really.
"Let's eat, Grandma!" as opposed to "Let's eat Grandma!": punctuation saves lives.
  





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Thu Oct 01, 2009 11:24 pm
dovefeather says...



Although I tend to run to the 1st person tense, I don't see how this is annoying. In fact, I really like it. Usually songwriters use that tense (especially Taylor Swift), but I'm not an expert. try writing in this tense, and see if it speaks to you. If it doesn't, go back to your usuall style :)

:elephant:
There's a hole in the world like a great big pit,
and It's filled with the people who are filled with shit,
and the filth and the Vermin inhabit it,
and it goes by the name of London...
  





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Mon Oct 05, 2009 7:30 pm
canislupis says...



I think it depends on what kind of story you're writing. Why do you want to put it in present tense in the first place? If it's just because you like it, then I would say go ahead. It isn't the tense so much as the quality of the writing that would make me want to read on.
  








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