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Young Writers Society


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Reviews: 18
Fri Aug 14, 2009 8:03 pm
Ellyphant says...



I have two new story titles...
Emotional
Nightmares


These stories are about to be my whole life so hopefully they work out well.

Emotional- A young girl, new to the teenage years, has had troubles at home ever since her mother died when she was 11. Her father is an acholholic and abusive. He puts her down everyday and eventually it causes her to go into deep depression. He confuses her by telling her that he loves her after he had just called her every cuss word in the universe. You're probably thinking physical abuse is the worst abuse out there, well, those scars go away. Verbal abuse scars your mind forever. The only physical abuse that he does is leave bruises on her arms from squeezing too hard. This is a story about hate, love, time, and regret. This story will hopefully show how little words can cause great pain, how hard it is to forgive someone that you never gave up on in the first place, and how so much love can be considered not enough.

Nightmares- (This idea came to me after I had a series of nightmares that wouldn't go away. Since I started writing this story, I haven't had another one yet.) This is about how a dead assassin's daughter is hunted down by one man seeking to end the blood line of the man he killed. What he doesn't know is that the girl has been having nightmares about him. When he was seeking to kill her in a crowd of people, she saw him and knew who he was immidiately. Does he get his grimy hands on her? Does he fullfil his dream? Or is he being hunted as well...


What I am asking YWS is would you be interested in reading these stories? Would you like them to be posted on here for you to critique? Or do you think that I should deflate these plots and throw them away?












A sneek preview of Nightmares:

~Prologue~

I smirked as my finger embraced the trigger creating a muffled shooting sound. The man didn’t even have time to scream in pain. I leaped forward to grab his lank body before he could hit the floor. I put my hand over the extraction wound that the bullet had exited through. I pulled out a roll of gauze and wrapped it around his chest, choking his injury, keeping the blood from seeping through.


I thrust my dead target over my shoulder as I headed out of the window, towards the forest. I stopped by my truck and grabbed the shovel out of the bed. I continued on my way. It wasn’t long until I was deep in the woods, the darkness engulfing my body easily. I stopped at a spot where the trees weren’t covering the sky. I put him down carefully. I cleared the pine straw from the spot where I was going to dig. I started digging. I got as far as I could go.


The sun was setting so I needed to hurry. I reached over and grabbed his arm, now stiff, and pulled him to me. I made sure that he was facing where the sun rised, so when judgment day came, then he would be accepted into Heaven. I said a prayer before dumping the dirt back over his innocent face. It wasn’t long and I was putting the pine straw back over the bare spot. I picked up my shovel and whistled as I walked the way that I had entered the woods in, the shovel hanging off of my left shoulder.
You're more than wonderful
More than amazing
The irreplaceable
Love of my life
You're so incredible
In these arms tonight
The irreplaceable
Love of my life

-Love of My Life, Brian McKnight.
  





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Sat Aug 15, 2009 6:36 pm
Rosendorn says...



On Emotional: That story can really go either way: good or horribly cliched. It would be good if you actually managed to capture the history properly, making it so she fights being goth over trying to be with the normal crowd. And don't just make it that her life is horrible. Have some happy moments in there too.

On Nightmares: It seems pretty two dimentional at the moment. You have the conflict between the protagonist and antagonist, but nothing more. There'd need to be something else in the plot to really make me interested.

When it comes down to it, I think everything is workable and everything really deserves some time. Especially if the plot is close to your heart.
A writer is a world trapped in a person— Victor Hugo

Ink is blood. Paper is bandages. The wounded press books to their heart to know they're not alone.
  





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Fri Aug 28, 2009 11:19 am
Maddyc says...



I prefer the first idea because I think if you really got going with it it would be great. To make that kind of thing work you really need to come up with a strong plotline that is original. Don't make the MC completely alone in the world as you see young writers writing all the time - give her some friends. She could put on a brave face for her friends whilst she's hiding all this.
I'm writing a story that has a strict disciplinarian mother - not quite abusive, but harsh and unloving. The thing that has made me got as far as I have was really getting inside the mind of the mother. So you could do the same with the father character. Why is he so abusive? Was he abused himself? Maybe the girl finds out all about his childhood at the end of the book and that helps her forgive him or whatever.
Just some tips x
  








Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did. So throw off the bowlines, sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream.
— Mark Twain