Young Writers Society

Ok, a while back I posted a storyline that seemed well liked among people but I changed a few major details and I wanted to go over them with you guys and see if you like them and maybe I can come up with some more changes to the story inspired by you all.

The story is going to be basically 2 in 1. I know that might not make sense but let me explain. Avery is a 17 year old girl who is very quite, and kept to herself. She's beautiful although she doesn't buy in to high school all that much. Her passion is writing and that's what she's known for. In English class, for her senior year, theirs only one assignment for the whole year and that is to write a novel. Her teacher pairs people up and she happens to get Corey McDaniels. He is the typical overly confident, arrogant, shallow high school football player. They get into fights and then agree that Avery will write the book and Corey will be quite the rest of the year. About mid-way through the year, Avery allows Corey to read over the rough draft of the first half of the book and is amazed by the quality and realness of the story.

You see, Avery's story is about a girl who's mother died that summer. The father of this girl becomes a complete alocholic and when he is drunk, he finds ways to blame her mother's death on her. Along with emotional abuse, he also beats her. The girl eventually falls in love with another boy and tries to hide what happened because she believes that she did kill her mom. In the end of the book, The girl is talking to her boyfriend on the phone whenever her father storms in the yell/beat her. The boy hears and drives over there as fast as possible and walks in in the middle of their fight. Dad pulls out a gun and tries to shoot him but the girl jumps in front of the bullet. [the end is left to interpet]

After Corey reads the first half of the story, he joins in writing. [so he hasn't figured out the ending yet] They get along really well and a love starts to blossom between them. After every so many chapters, you'll get to read the chapters Avery & Corey wrote. When the story starts to unfold, Corey finds out that the story is really Avery's story when he's on the phone with her and her father comes in and starts yelling and beating her. The rest you have heard. But at the very end, when she's shot she tells him to "finish the story" and then i don't know if I should add a last final chapter of Avery's story or leave it be and let people wonder what he wrote? I think that good writing allows room for interpetation ,but I don't know. What do you think?

I know I basically just told you the story ha, but I don't care I'm sure a lot of things will change before I start writing.

My biggest problem here is the characters. Avery has the possibility to become a Mary Sue (that is, a character who is the author's good parts and usually ends up perfect), while Corey is "typical" and stereotyped. While those can be good bases, you really need to make sure they have flaws, likes, loves, dislikes, and true relationships. The guy character in "A Walk to Remember" would be such a guy (actually Corey reminds me of him a lot. Almost too much). At first, he's just skating through high school with his good looks (he's not a jock, but he's one of the "pretty bad boys") but he then starts to change because of a girl. I'm not saying Corey is a copy-cat, I'm saying that he has the possibility of being a little flat. If he does something that makes him unique early on, then he would be a much better character. Start him off as a jock but give him something more.

Avery, like I mentioned, has the possibility of becoming a Mary Sue. This can be very easily solved: make her a little less beautiful (so she's above average but no Hollywood beauty) and make sure you give her some flaws. All characters need them. (Just as all characters need redeeming qualities)

The novel as a school project sounds unusual, but just make the school good enough (as in, one of the top schools in the state/country) for the workload to be that high. I say that because a novel usually takes awhile to write and craft (at least six months from first idea to final draft, and that's if you give up most of your social life to write it), unless the person is inspired. Which, if this is Avery's story, it would be.

The whole thing about Corey not knowing the end strikes me as really odd. I've done collaborations, and unless the plot is really loose (such as, there's only a starting event and the authors make it up as they go) then a collaboration needs to have both people know and agree on the ending.

Her dying for him sounds... slightly off. It's a rather powerful ending, but it can quickly stray into over-dramatic especially if the romance is young. They would have only been friends for not even six months, so Corey had better be really special in order for her to sacrifice herself for him like that. Not to mention they'd probably be far apart in the room and her jumping in front of it might not work...

Despite was I just said, I think that the idea in and of itself has merit. Discovering somebody that way leaves room for a lot of character development, and wonderful relationships. But with every great promise there is the possibility of something not that great. Should you really iron this out it does have the possibility of being something to remember.

As for whether to include the last chapter or not, I personally don't like endings that leave too much room for interpretation. My favourite open-ended story is I am Apache in which we don't find out the MC's exact fate, but we're pretty sure she's going to die. I would show what he wrote, and hint at how he's going to live from now on. Going back to A Walk to Remember, the MC goes from being uncaring to caring because of his girlfriend. He also goes from skating through school to actually focusing and wanting to become a doctor (the girlfriend had lukimia and died from it) I would suggest watching that movie, since your story seems rather close to it, and seeing how it's done. Don't copy the movie exactly, but do see how they made all the relationships work. ^^

Hope this helped!

~Rosey

Hey Megan ^^ Shina here Rosey definitely gave some good advice there, but I'll see what I can do.

Hmm, the great Rosey Unicorn seems to have acknowledged all the good stuff. She definitely dominates some of these forums.

But anyways, I'm going to summarize this to: only include what is relevant.

Is the Avery's beauty particularly important? I thought Cory fell in love with her story at first, not her. And also, if they really fall in love, it would go beyond the looks. He'd have to find inner beauty rather, make him work for it, don't just let him get lucky with a pretty smart girl.

Also, if Avery gets beat and abused, she would have to wear long sleeves, or the same clothes every day, and she probably wouldn't get the best hair products, make up, and style. She'd look just like an average girl, and she probably wouldn't be happy, either. Her skin wouldn't glow 24/7, and she'd only be smiling when someone made her smile.

If you want to give her access to beauty products and good hair care, she can work for a salon, or perhaps she has other connections. And as for bruises, if she had light skin they could easily be seen. Maybe she's a bit tan? Or perhaps she plays soccer or something, a sport where you get bruised a lot.

You could have her know someone who works at Salvation Army, and maybe someone at the store teaches her how to sew and make her own clothes, just make sure to give her flaws. Make your characters work for it. If she's a smart kid, then make her impatient or maybe her emotions don't always surface. Perhaps she's an introvert who speaks her mind through her writing. Maybe english is her only good subject.

And if her dad is an alcoholic, then Avery would have to work to pay some bills because her dad wouldn't pay them all on time, would he? And if she worked, she'd have to find time to write her novel, which means staying up late or something. Then she'd always be tired.

And you also said that he got to read after the story was halfway through. That would mean only have of the story was written. That means that it would be at the point where the boy and the girl were just getting to know each other. And also, if the boy always hears the girl getting beat while she's on the phone, then wouldn't he come to first time? Why would he wait call after call after call until finally deciding to come.

The thing after that, Avery jumping in front of a bullet for Cory? That's a bit overdramatic. They just met each other at school. Perhaps by the time Cory got there, Avery was already bleeding to death and then she asks him to finish the story and to report her dad.

Then he'd know how to finish the story.

The guy was on the phone with the girl, dad started beating the girl, guy comes over, she's dead. End notes.

Maybe Avery would always get off the phone abruptly. Then he'd figure it out later.

Cory is too stereotypical. Change him up, not a cliche please. And also, how did he learn to write? Maybe his dad is secretly a writer, or his mother is an editor, or perhaps he likes to read but acts like a jock for show.

Maybe he had a rough past, also.

Hope that helps ^^

-Shina

An interesting idea to be honest.

I felt for Avery when she was writing "her story".

The characters a bit naff. It's almost too cliche. Corey McDaniels ... please? It's been done so many times and i hated them all. But the story still has potential.

But if you're going to do it, i think it needs to be gritty - and not afraid to delve into the uncertainties of domestic abuse. Be sensitive, by all means, but putting a character like Corey in softens it and makes it a bit more lame.

Yeh, i guess you figured i dont like your Corey character. But still, i love the idea!

I think this is restating what the others have said but...

Make some major changes to your characters. The sweet, shy girl and the arrogant, jock have been done so many times its like the plague. Please, please, please make them more real, more 3-dimensional. And don't do this by making the girl the preppy cheerleader and the guy the down-to-earth, smarty pants.

As for plot, I think it could be really good. I like how their story ends up being her own story (even if it is a tad cliche, I'm personally a sucker for that kind of twist ).

Good luck!