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Little Fortune (description)



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Wed Jul 15, 2009 11:05 pm
sweetie_pie94 says...



LITTLE FORTUNE


:intro:

20 year old Destiny Bryant, goes to the far tip of Florida with her 25 year old fiancée, Tommy Black, to live there and have their wedding. They picked the wrong time to go. While they are dazed by their love- there is a title wave in the ocean that is gaining strength and water. Of course no body can predict one. What will happen to Tommy, Destiny, and their love they share?



By: sweetie_pie94
He told me he love my blue, glossy eyes. Now he has left me stranded. It's over. I will never love him again.
  





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Wed Jul 15, 2009 11:25 pm
Teague says...



**MOVED** To Writer's Corner.
"2-4-6-8! I like to delegate!" -Meshugenah
"Teague: Stomping on your dreams since 1992." -Sachiko
"So I'm looking at FLT and am reminded of a sandwich." -Jabber
  





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Wed Jul 15, 2009 11:39 pm
foxfire says...



is a title wave in


its tidal wave


firstly, its a good intro but you needed more description in this one. I'll give you an example, try starting with a quote or a first line like.

"I alwasy wanted to live in Florida, to marry the person whom i love." that could work.

as well, it is better to write the age like this.

"20 year old Destiny wanted to marry his lover."

as well...youc an get some good examples at the back of books...there good sources for an introduction to a story
John McClane: Drop it. It's the police.
Tony: You won't hurt me.
John McClane: Oh, yeah? Why not?
Tony: Because you're a policeman. There are rules for policemen.
John McClane: Yeah. That's what my captain keeps telling me
  





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Thu Jul 16, 2009 12:00 am
sweetie_pie94 says...



Thanks fox. It's a big help. I'm a beginner. :)
He told me he love my blue, glossy eyes. Now he has left me stranded. It's over. I will never love him again.
  





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Thu Jul 16, 2009 10:21 pm
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Ice Fang says...



it is a good description

I think you should add a little more sentences to your description.
you could change some sentences into interesting ones

overall its a good description
Dont Worry, Be Happy.
  





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Fri Jul 17, 2009 8:52 pm
danster724 says...



What you have presented is really only a vague idea. A true description should contain more information, hooks and so forth. I think you should think out your idea some more and then re-write a description containing more information about your story. It's not a bad general idea, but it needs some fleshing out.
"I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with someone you want the rest of your life to begin as soon as possible."
  





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Gender: Male
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Fri Jul 17, 2009 8:53 pm
danster724 says...



What you have presented is really only a vague idea. A true description should contain more information, hooks and so forth. I think you should think out your idea some more and then re-write a description containing more information about your story. It's not a bad general idea, but it needs some fleshing out.
"I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with someone you want the rest of your life to begin as soon as possible."
  








I think the best thing about making it into the quote generator is when nobody tells you, so one day you're just scrolling and voila, some phenomenally inane thing that crawled out of your dying synapses and immediately regretted being born the second it made contact with the air has been archived for all time. Or worse, a remark of only average inanity. Never tell me when you've put me in the generator. Pride-tinged regret just doesn't taste the same without the spice of surprise.
— SirenCymbaline