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Just a new idea [Fantasy]



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Gender: Male
Points: 890
Reviews: 3
Tue May 19, 2009 7:57 am
AlexMc says...



Yeah doesn't really need critique but opinions so hope this doesn't conflict with the 2 reviews per post (If that is still her) :? .

But yeah just got an idea from an old piece of writing I did. If you choose to give ya opinion on it I want every little detail that came to your mind, whether or not it sounds Cliché or copied off anything else.

Pretty much from posting this and watching merlin the other day they kinda clash but urgh.

Alright the story might go something like this:


* - If your power excedes your life force you can eventually die. You can take someone's by hating them or give someone it by loving them. Its why love will become a big thing in the book between those who have the power of magic.


Prologue -


In this land or whatever (yeah good starting I know) this race of magic wielders dwells in the north in this land in which no others living in that world, or land, have been to. To the west of this place a race similar to Dragons called Avaddons (Got name from the hebrew word Abbadon) Live. To the south humans (had to include them as usual) live and might be divided in two later on in the story. But generally what happens is while scouting out areas the humans somehow come across the land to the northeast with those magical people and whilst the people greet them as guests the humans are greed-stricken (if that is a word) and want more land and the place looks good. So a war starts and some of them join the humans as assassins to hunt them down. Eventually the land they lived becomes war-torn and deserted and even though you think they'd win the magic users go on the run.


Where the story starts -


Most of them have been killed and while there may be some in hiding those known are about to be finished off by the assassins. (Just to add in each person in this world has a life force, and the stronger it is the stronger you are pretty much). As one is left he leaves his son at the door of a house and gives most of his life force* to the child (the child is special, while everyone has 1 life force, he has 2). While escaping the father dies.


Rest -


The child grows up without knowing his powers and around the late teen years he falls for this girl and they grow close and without knowing takes her life force and is left asking himself what just happened. He soon discovers his powers and trains in the darkness being hunted by the kingdom. Eventually he meets up with others of their kind and begins a counter.


What I want to get out of this idea is just a one guy (main character) taking on hundreds, possibly thousands and coming out with a few bruises or scratches, it sounds unbelieve but I think I could possibly pull it off.



Well yeah, tell me what you think.
I will never let you fall,
I will stand up for you forever.
I will be there for you through it all,
Even if saving you sends me in heaven.
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Gender: Male
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Tue May 19, 2009 11:00 am
Hippie says...



What I want to get out of this idea is just a one guy (main character) taking on hundreds, possibly thousands and coming out with a few bruises or scratches, it sounds unbelieve but I think I could possibly pull it off.


This part turned me off. It isn't believable if one guy can do all that. Even if he could, who would want to read about him. An interesting character should have to work hard and be constantly swimming against the current. Someone who brushes enemies aside with a finger is boring. It would be like watching 300 again - oh the horror.

A better ending would be an epic battle with hundreds taking on hundreds or more. Lots of allies dying. It would be best if at the climax of the battle, it appears as if all is lost. Many of the main characters have been killed and morale is almost broken. Then at the critical moment, through an act of courage and/or self-sacrifice, the battle is turned and the good guys win by the skin of their teeth.

Having others who can die, rather than one against hundreds gives you the opportunity to envoke emotion by killing off your beloved characters (I know it's hard).

The rest sounds interesting. The part about him falling in love is good, because it adds another level to the story. However you said at the beggining that you can take someone's life force by hating them, and give them yours by loving them. Doesn't he love her? How does he manage to take her life force then?

I think it's hard to say whether this will be a successful storyline or not at this level, because it's the details and individual scenes that make a story, not a general overview. As far as I can tell now, it sounds like it could work, provided you do a good job of fleshing it out and write it well.
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The author of my life has some ambitious ideas for me to become a super villain
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