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Mon Apr 20, 2009 3:09 am
Banango Cheesecake says...



Maximilian Disraeli has an ambition. No problem there, everyone has one.

Only, his ambition is to rule the world.

At age four, he decided he would never allow any pathetic human to lord over him. At seven, he stole his first soul - his teacher's soul, to be exact. And now, at fourteen, he's stolen over a hundred souls and Watchers are getting more and more paranoid with each random person who just drops dead for no apparent reason.

Together with a street urchin named Gwen, Maxim's ready to take the first step to world domination - taking down the Potentate Clovis without an army or any supporters.

Crazy? Maybe. Insane? Just a bit. Ambitious? Definitely.


It's set in a kingdom named Ara, an absolute monarchy. Clovis' word is law, and even just thinking about taking over the throne after Clovis dies is an act punishable by death.

So what do you think? Would you read it?
Last edited by Banango Cheesecake on Mon Apr 20, 2009 5:27 am, edited 2 times in total.
Why do I keep having this scary nightmare...The one where I went mad and killed you with my own hands.

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Mon Apr 20, 2009 3:29 am
Kang227 says...



Fuhrer?

Hi, here's a can of worms. Oh, you've already opened it.

But, seriously, try anything from "Potentate"...heck, I dunno. Look around.
Hey Daedalus, I'm Icarus. Do your thing, and for God's sake use something better than WAX this time.
  





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Mon Apr 20, 2009 3:43 am
el Arma Escrita says...



It sounds interesting. I don't think I've ever read a story where the maniac with world domination dreams is the main character.

I would advise not using the word Fuhrer, though, unless Nazis are a major element of your story. It carries major connotations, beyond just the meaning of the word.

How exactly does he steal souls, though?
'Cause it's the one's with the sorest throats, Laura, who have done the most singing.

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Mon Apr 20, 2009 4:16 am
Banango Cheesecake says...



Thanks for the advice.

I like Potentate. *goes to change first post*
Why do I keep having this scary nightmare...The one where I went mad and killed you with my own hands.

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Mon Apr 20, 2009 4:27 am
Kang227 says...



Quick FYI, Potentate tends denotes a ruler who wields political AND religious power. In case it matters.
Hey Daedalus, I'm Icarus. Do your thing, and for God's sake use something better than WAX this time.
  





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Mon Apr 20, 2009 5:28 am
Banango Cheesecake says...



Clovis dictates everything, including religion. If he said that anybody who wore pants was damned, everyone would begin wearing skirts. It's how much people fear him.
Why do I keep having this scary nightmare...The one where I went mad and killed you with my own hands.

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Tue Apr 21, 2009 2:21 am
Kang227 says...



Dag, this damnably despotic dictator demands denouncement.
Hey Daedalus, I'm Icarus. Do your thing, and for God's sake use something better than WAX this time.
  





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Thu Apr 23, 2009 6:29 pm
Dr.Awesome says...



It kind of reminds me of the Artemis Fowl series I read when I was younger, if you've heard of it. It concerns this twelve-year-old boy who is a criminal mastermind, but your Maximillian seems to be much more ambitious lol.

It sounds very interesting, but I would suggest trying to add some human aspects to Maximillian over time, maybe at some point regretting his actions and becoming a better person.

But don't do this too soon! Have him stay evil for a while, using events in his life to gradually shape him into a batter person.

All in all, it sounds great, and I can't wait for you to get started!
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