Young Writers Society

I have been thinking about this plot for well over 5 months, I cannot seem to get it out of my head. I would love opinions and suggestions. The only trouble I have is writing it…I tend to get writer’s block a lot. But, I know if I set a goal I can do it. So tell me what you think?


Demons and angels have been in a war for eons, still are to this very day. Descendants of the devil are appearing more quickly than ever and are given orders to smite all living messengers of the good. Demetrius, nephew of Satan, is sent to earth to help out. Maribelle, an unknowing angelic being, is daughter of the two highest angels that are stationed on earth. But, her parents have yet to tell her so, she’s in for a big surprise when they suddenly disappear.
Demetrius is searching for Mari’s parents because they are his biggest priority to deal with. He bumps into Mari and realizing who she is he instinctively attacks her. Maribelle is lost and has a knife to his neck, asking multiple questions. Having the ability to go to different places in a blink of an eye, Demetrius goes to the one place he knows he belongs.
Satan is informed of Maribelle and orders Demetrius to destroy her, he obeys the command. Maribelle is still stumped and looks through her parent’s bedroom, trying to find anything that would tell her something. She comes across a (thing that gives her information of where her parents are) and a note next to the bed stand. It’s written on front and back addressed to her, it explains everything. Maribelle finally gets why Demetrius is after her and wants to learn to fight back (which she will get help from a mentor that her parents told her to go to) She leaves her social life behind her friends and all and goes into an unknown world to mortals.
The demons of the earth begin creating complete chaos (controlling volcanoes, natural disasters, convincing mere humans to join them, transforming people into demon form) ← the demon thing I am still thinking about (like how they look)
I was planning on adding a little romance but, not a HUGE complete one. Because, I think those kind of books are cliche I’ll find a way to make it exciting and invigorating. (=

Remember this is still in thought process, lol I come up with new things everyday for this story.

Well I'm going to go to the movies I'll be back later to check on this....(=

Ah, what an interesting idea. You've definitely thought a lot about it, and covered details. I can see it will develop into a global-scale war. Maribelle definitely won't be able to fix it all by herself, so we'll need other principal characters.

Also, using Satan, angels and demons carries religious connotations. I would suggest inventing your own divine antagonist. Satan is kind of seen as the symbol of 'ultimate evil, ultimate baddie' and I'd like to see more shades of gray than that.

I would also caution against making Maribelle into a Mary Sue character. She's already the daughter of the two highest angels. If she has powers, they shouldn't be AWESOME!!! and she shouldn't be invincible. Make sure she has flaws and weaknesses. The story also shouldn't revolve around her. She shouldn't be the answer to all questions and problems.

This is an exciting and ambitious venture. I suggest planning it out chapter by chapter. Also, I already find Demetrius an intriguing character-does he end up good or bad???

Ah, what an interesting idea. You've definitely thought a lot about it, and covered details. I can see it will develop into a global-scale war. Maribelle definitely won't be able to fix it all by herself, so we'll need other principal characters.

Also, using Satan, angels and demons carries religious connotations. I would suggest inventing your own divine antagonist. Satan is kind of seen as the symbol of 'ultimate evil, ultimate baddie' and I'd like to see more shades of gray than that.

I would also caution against making Maribelle into a Mary Sue character. She's already the daughter of the two highest angels. If she has powers, they shouldn't be AWESOME!!! and she shouldn't be invincible. Make sure she has flaws and weaknesses. The story also shouldn't revolve around her. She shouldn't be the answer to all questions and problems.

This is an exciting and ambitious venture. I suggest planning it out chapter by chapter. Also, I already find Demetrius an intriguing character-does he end up good or bad???

I do have three principal characters in mind, their names are Alyssa, Danielle, and Jarrett. Alyssa's a medic fanatic, Danielle's a sort of party girl (she keeps balance between fun and work) , and Jarrett is a complex thinker (literally goes over everything twice) I strive to give them personalities that people can relate to.

I have been thinking about that but I never thought it would work if I attempted to create my own thing. Perhaps, I could make...hmm, I definitely have a lot to think about that. If I am going to make my own baddie, maybe I could research living myths of demons and take off features of them to create my own monster. Also, I was planning on using Latin in my story, in like spells and such. Do you think that would be a good idea? Then again I have also thought about my past with books that involved different languages, and i had a hard time (even with the added glossary)

I have remembered to use caution with making her a non-cliche main character, I've read too many cliche books where the main character is "Perfect" to make my own character the same. I want my book to be intense and epic as you would say, I would never wanna character like bella swan for instance. The entire time I read those books I got so aggravated because, she'd always be saved by the night in shining armor. Well, I'm making sure that my character DOES have imperfections and flaws that make her personality show and make the readers WANT her to survive. Of course I'm going to let all my characters have their time to shine, otherwise Maribelle would be god-modding.

Demetrius is my favorite character, and he was the first thing that came to mind when i was thinking about this idea. I believe I'm going to make readers want him to survive as well but, I also want them to see what he's going through. Since he is not completely demon-material I may make him good but, on the other hand i'm not going to make people think "oh, he's going to be good" I want them to question if he is good or bad.

As I said before this is a plan I'm thinking through to this very minute. I hope that this idea goes very far
Thank you so much Jay for replying to this idea, it's helped me see from different perspective.

Going to babysit soon, hope i can come back to more posts.

I love your premise but to be honest, I'm not sure about your execution. A couple of things pinged for me: the Magical Hero(ine) Who Doesn't Know Who She Is, which is pretty much the standard fare of cliche for all fantasy novels ever. I'm not a huge fan of this for a number of reasons, partly because it's been used to death in fantasy stories, partly because it sets up a lot of the story to be explanatory. (As in, half of the story is just about her trying to figure out what's happening and standing to one side with her mouth agape instead of actually moving the story forward.) And from what you've written so far, it seems like there's going to be a lot of info-dump scenes. Like:

Maribelle is lost and has a knife to his neck, asking multiple questions.

and

She comes across a (thing that gives her information of where her parents are) and a note next to the bed stand. It’s written on front and back addressed to her, it explains everything.

I've also read wayyy too many stories/seen too many things where a Regular Person doesn't know about the magical world and then has to deal with it. Especially when said person is a teenager. See: Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Neverwhere, Reaper, Runaways, and about a hundred thousand other things. For this particular cliche, it's not that it's virtually impossible to work in well, it's just that it's been worked in so many times that it's hard to put a new and interesting spin on it. The combination of this + Magical Heroine Who Doesn't Know Who She Is is particularly hard to deal with. It's very hard to believe that someone who is completely unused to this world could contribute anything valuable to the Fight, and when she does end up being useful, it's hard for me as a reader to buy.

For me personally, the thing that might make it a little easier to deal with is if she does in fact know her identity. Maybe she hasn't been exposed to the world of angels and demons completely, but she still knows who she is and who her parents are and that she's different from everyone else. That way she won't be bewildered for about half of the plot, and that way she can actually start doing things from the get-go.

Again, that's just a personal preference and don't at all feel obligated to do something with it. Just know that you're treading on ground that people have already gone over once, twice, a million times. Know that it's been done to death and you're going to have to put some interesting twist on it to make it really compelling. Most of all, know the cliches themselves: know what they are, know which ways they've been explored, know what people dislike about them, know the gaping plot holes in them. Just knowing those things will help you to avoid them.

And finally, can I suggest you peruse Limyaael's Rants on Fantasy? She discusses a lot of cliches that have been used in fantasy, a lot of the problems that can be found in traditional fantasy, a lot of recurring themes and plot holes. She's one of the best resources on fantasy on the interwebs; she knows her stuff and she's funny and smart. It might be a little overwhelming to get to her LJ and find so many topics, so if you find yourself drowning, it might help to search the archives.

Again, I do enjoy your premise, don't get me wrong. It's a really nifty idea and I think it will be interesting to see what you end up doing with it. It's just that you're stepping in the dangerous territory of fantasy cliches and it's very easy to avoid that quagmire.

(Also, as a side note, could you stop double-posting? I don't mean to sound like a jerk but the first time I saw this thread, the number of replies made me think that you'd already had tons of answers to your questions. And from what it looks like, the double posts aren't really adding to the discussion.)