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New story idea



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Tue Apr 07, 2009 11:05 pm
heart_of_the_artist says...



A friend help me get the idea for this story.
Character: So far Sara and Jane, teir parents,and an old man that lives nearby. No last names yet.
The idea is that these two girls in college find out that the old man they new as kids has died and go back home for his funeral. They remember an old legend he toled them when they were young about a guy who couldn't see found two jewels in a cave and found that these jewels can help him see. After using them he discoverd the jewels have many magical powers.
While cleaning out the house of the man the girls discover a box of maps and journals and find out that the man had at once pusued finding these legendary jewels, and decided to go out and find them theirselves.
The first chapter is already posted.topic46347.html
Tell me what you think.
I've built a wall,\ not to block anyone out, but to see who loves me enough to climb over it.
  





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Sun Apr 12, 2009 9:47 am
Jay says...



Hey, cool! It sounds very adventurous, and also quite sweet. I would make the characters younger than college-age though. (You don't usually see college students in adventure stories). I'm very interested to see how this will be approached morally-what will the jewels be used for? What can they be used for? Lots of interesting ideas.

You also need an antagonist. Who's maybe trying to use the jewels for selfish purposes?
  





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Wed Apr 22, 2009 6:44 pm
siobhan says...



I think it's a good idea!
It reminds me of The Goonies a little, which makes me happy! :)

A few items of note, though.

-I disagree that they should be younger simply because there isn't many college students in adventure stories. It might HELP you to make them younger, though, because I'm not sure why they would go back for his funeral if he was just a neighbor. You either need to establish a connection strong enough they would drop their studies, make them go to a local college, or make them younger and still at home. I feel this is much more feasible. They almost certainly have to be related, practically, if they are cleaning out his house.

-How do these girls have the means to go find the jewels? Is it a far journey, or is it local? If it's nearby I can understand, but if it takes them too far or consumes a lot of supplies, there has to be some reason why they have that kind of money.

I came up with sort of a wacky scenario that covers both, and you are welcome to use it if you want to. Perhaps the old man was a cousin of one of their mothers, nothing too related. However, the girl's families both have to work a lot, and he offers to baby sit. The girls spend tons of time with him, and they become very close, so much so that they visit him even in high school, when they don't need sitting. He dies, and not having much family, has left them a significant amount of money as an inheritance. At first, just to honor him maybe, they go to look for them.

I also think an interesting idea for conflict would be, as they find the gems are real, one of the girls wants to use them and one wants to abandon the quest/give them to science/whatever. This would pit them against each other, which might be interesting.

But yeah... perhaps that was helpful. :)
  








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