z

Young Writers Society


Would anyone even read this?



User avatar
541 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 370
Reviews: 541
Mon Apr 06, 2009 12:27 am
Lauren2010 says...



Okay, so I had this story I wrote last year. I liked it pretty well, but now it needs to be redrafted and reworked (plotline doesn't quite work for me anymore). So basically here's the idea:

MC is a girl who is a senior in high school. Her best friend commited suicide. MC (she needs a new name, but for now we'll just call her MC) is having a really rough time with this due to circumstances later revealed in the story. Her other best friends had been all growing apart over the past year or two so she doesn't have them. MC is highly stressed and ends up running out of school one day and into oncoming traffic (or something, I need a realistic and noncorny way for her to get knocked out.). She wakes up and sees a guy waiting for a bus, she ends up getting on the bus and going to who knows where. The bus driver is this pretty eccentric guy and MC ends up learning a lot about life and faith (yes it is christianity based you could say). She ends up getting off and can live her life better. But she finds that the whole bus ride never happened, or did it?

So that's the basic idea. It sort of has that cliche 'woke up from a dream' thing to it, but its not really like that. Let me know if anyone would actually read it, or how I could maybe make it better so someone would read it.
Got YWS?
  





User avatar
143 Reviews



Gender: None specified
Points: 1781
Reviews: 143
Mon Apr 06, 2009 12:55 am
anti-pop says...



Ooh, I like the sound of that.

Just be careful - it has a great chance of turning out over-the-top and cheesy, but it also has the potential to be refreshingly original.

Go for it! I'd love to check it out once you've got some posted up here.
...Bitter cold, it grows
changing holds
cynicism the new norm...

-Libretto
  





User avatar
541 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 370
Reviews: 541
Tue Apr 07, 2009 1:08 am
Lauren2010 says...



That over the top cheesy thing is what I am always worried about with this idea. I think I would die if it ended that way though, so I have hope =)
Got YWS?
  





User avatar
108 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 3129
Reviews: 108
Tue Apr 07, 2009 1:15 am
KailaMarie says...



Yeah, I would read this as long as it wasn't like every other story where they have some dream and turn their life around. Put something unique into it.
... :D ...
[url]spottedturtle.tumblr.com[/url]
  





User avatar
537 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 60568
Reviews: 537
Tue Apr 07, 2009 1:57 am
Evi says...



I think the best way to avoid a cliched/cheesy plot would be to make sure your characters are quirky, original, and captivating. The eccentric bus-driver seems good-- make sure to really define him. Also, add some other interesting characters who are also going to be on the bus, sorting through their own problems.

And don't preach to the readers, even if it does have some Christian aspects to it. You're not writing to convert us; you're writing to entertain us, and draw us into your story. This can turn people off immediately, if they feel that the author is being pushy about their faith.

Good luck, and it sounds interesting! ^^
"Let's eat, Grandma!" as opposed to "Let's eat Grandma!": punctuation saves lives.
  





Random avatar


Gender: None specified
Points: 2608
Reviews: 37
Wed Apr 08, 2009 6:36 am
Helpful McHelpfulpants says...



Why do you need to have the bus ride turn out to not be real?

It just seems... excessive, and, as you say, trite. It's not necessary, if what you want to write a story about a turning point in someone's life based on their learning to deal with something like a friend's death; in fact, it's annoying, because it's one more pointless test piled on, a reversal that makes the reader feel even more cheated than the MC probably does.

More fun to have her come back and get yelled at. ;D

Also, is this a short story or a novel? I recommend making it a short story, if you haven't decided yet.
Nunc lac est bibendum.
  





User avatar
1125 Reviews

Supporter


Gender: Female
Points: 53415
Reviews: 1125
Wed Apr 08, 2009 3:03 pm
StellaThomas says...



It would work- if you made it completely quirky. I mean, everything about it. For instance: is it a public bus or just this bus that the guy drives around that's painted like a hippy van? Did she get knocked out by a car, or did a giant mango come out of nowhere nad hit her head.

You may think that that sort of thing would make your story laughable, but in truth, it would make it charming...

I'd read it if it was original like that, and not overly the top cheesy. Even how her friend killed herself, make it a weird way... obviously suicide is never funny, but you could surround it with weird circumstances...
"Stella. You were in my dream the other night. And everyone called you Princess." -Lauren2010
  





User avatar
541 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 370
Reviews: 541
Wed Apr 08, 2009 10:24 pm
Lauren2010 says...



Thanks for the input everyone. =) And I don't plan on pushing faith or anything. And Stella, I like that having someone run out of nowhere and hit her on the head...haha.

By the way, the bus ride is real, but not real. It's hard to explain.
Got YWS?
  








The worst bullies you will ever encounter in your life are your own thoughts.
— Bryant McGill