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Prologue to Omni-Fate



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Tue Feb 03, 2009 12:37 am
Monument Soul says...



( all of the years I've spent working on this book have been nothing but plot development and organization of the volumes.
I really want you to critique the story as well as the grammar and stuff)

Existence

The world was born from Omniessence, the essence of everything…living yet inanimate, only as real physically is it could be perceived mentally ,it was everywhere, because it was everything, because everywhere was it. It began where it ended and continued where it stopped.

It gave birth to the universe through a collective coordination of its sub-essences. Mana was the physical sub-essence and made the physical aspects-which is the body of the world, while Saea was the meta-physical sub-essence and brought about the more complex elements and combined with mana-which was the breathe of the world. This brought nature and first life.

The first life forms were monsters and spirits.
Spirits formed their organizations and made their own societies.

Certain strains of monsters evolved into a new and intelligent race, Demons, who formed their own civilizations.

Spirits, monsters, and demons lived peacefully separate in their own parts of the world.

Then the Phantoms appeared, …No living being had any past knowledge of their existence…With no known origins or any idea of how they could even come to be these abominations could’ve been completely new, as old as the world, or maybe even older…They were neither living nor dead, they barely existed. In a way they were living forms of anti-matter …Their insides were anti cores-portals to oblivion. Their bodies consisted of the twisted fragments of the world around them…they warped everything they touched and all the matter and energy they consumed was lost from existence. Their existence was blasphemy against logic, sanity, purpose and the universe itself.

With the knowledge of the existence of phantoms came the realization of the chaos and unrest they wrought upon the world and the universe.

The nature of the phantoms made it difficult to combat them.

Demons, Spirits, and the few monsters wise enough to reason out a way to save existence came together on one major effort…


In an act very crucial to everything that was and was to ever be…

They needed to create an opposing nature to combat the negative subsistence of phantoms.

With a complete balance in mana and saea paralleled only by the Omniessence itself, a combination of flesh/blood and spiritual being…..humans were born, a completely intelligent and procreating being with that one thing that counteracted the phantom anti-core…a soul.

The Soul is a materialized entity consisting of both Mana and Saea and so is in a way part of the Omniessence.
The aspect of the human soul that makes it so effective against the negative forces of the Phantasma was the *Soul Arm* or special powers and weaponry born from contents of each individuals soul that channeled the positive force of the Omniessence.
This was the gift of man as man was a gift to existence


~ cataclysm-

Demons, spirits, monsters and humans made war on the phantoms.
The phantoms were persistent abominations

They felt no pain, fear, hatred, sadness, anger or any kind of emotion.

However there were intelligent phantoms.

The ultimate leader, named Bealzr, was a horrible being, abomination among all abominations on the face of all reasoning existence.

Pushing back opponents, it and it’s army of phantoms forged their way towards The Grand Cross ,a massive crossroads where lied the transfiguration point from the Omniessence into Mana/Saea. This served as the back bone to the universe.

Bealzr obliterated this
and in doing so tore existence asunder
Breaking every thing into multiple dimensions
From the nothingness that separated these dimensions it created a dark domain and called it Direzone.


The Allies tried to fight a losing war against Bealzr after that but it all came to a futile stalemate.

Man, having grown free-will became sick of war and decided to make a path of its own and disputed against the demons and spirits

Some demons and spirits sided with the humans
And left with them….some humans stayed with their masters and the others

After this the war ended
Bealzr put his aggressions to rest

The demons returned to their lands, the spirits to theirs.

The Meta-Lords, Arch-Demons (and the Grand Beast) disappeared into an upper world


They all built gates to hold their worlds together as the universe fell apart
The demons called their land the Netherworld, the spirits called their land the Aetherworld, the Great Beings formed a haven called Transcendria


The humans whose flesh became isolated from the blood of demons and whose soul has become isolated from energy of the spirits
claimed the lone planet that was once the center of existence

And called it

Aidden

Here humans bodies and souls so evolved to become one.
And humans used these powers given to them by their creators to thrive and used an ingenuity unheard of to take dominion over Aidden.



Battle-ground Aidden

Ever since humans came to Aidden and claimed dominion, the demons and spirits have been with them… thriving alongside them in perfect harmony.
Together, humans and demons have taken technological and cultural advances within society by leaps and bounds…

Spirits also aided in the greatest discoveries and creations in the history of sentient life

But in the 3999th century P.D. (post-dominion)

A war began in the Netherworld that divided the land of the demons.
Because of this, demons could either choose a side and be sent off to battle or remain neutral and receive the brunt of the cross-fire. These were horrible times; demons caught in the cross-fire suffered much loss of life and home
And in order to survive they opened the gates between the dimensions to migrate to Aidden.
It was also at this time that disorder had come to the nature of Aidden. Chaos had embraced the systematic ways of the half Saea - half Mana composition of Aidden.
And this…some humans blamed on the demons’ use of the Gates.

So in effect demons were persecuted as a whole.

However not all humans believed the imbalance was due to use of the Netherworld Gates, many stood in the defense of demons and when ordered to allow the destruction of the gates they resisted.

This sparked the violence… from constant disputes, to open warfare, to international conflict.

The spirits chose complete neutrality as they faded into the wilderness and total isolation.

The humans who were willing to wipe out demon-kind for the sake of Aidden deemed themselves “Saints” forming armies composed of countless soldiers bent on the destruction of the Gates and if not, all of demon kind .

The Demons and the humans who aided them in their opposition of the Saints were named the ”Gate Keepers”- after their mission of defending the Netherworld gates- and seen as enemies of Aidden.

They only wanted to protect the victims of the Netherworld war who come to Aidden seeking peace…only to meet extermination. The Gate Keepers would uphold their cause at any cost.


They fought for 74 years, in every battlefield on the face of Aidden.

In the end it all came down to the continent of Erika…which at its center dwelled the Main gate to the Nether world-the last remaining gate.

It was at the Main gate that the final battle was being fought when it was lost in the chaos.

The Saints considered this a victory even though they actually lost the conflict.

The war ended and the two factions backed down as Aidden and society nursed its wounds, though some ideals never died.

30 years later, it is now the beginning of the century 4000 P.D. (post- dominion),

After over half a century of war the 26 yrs. of silence seemed to pose a sign of true peace in the world, until an ancient force arose from the ashes and rekindled the flames of war.

At the northern edge of Erika there was a kingdom called Vyandria. All of its ruling families deceased, all of its treasures and legacies lost in time and memory, one wouldn’t expect much to arise from its ruins except for haunting stories.

But…something did…someone did…

It was Lucefaulz of Vyandria, an enigmatic figure rising from a shroud of ruin and mystery with nothing but a thirst for power, unimaginable riches to his name and an alliance with a forsaken legion.

Lucefaulz has no past and only lives for what he can gain in the future…all humans are blessed with powers bestowed upon them by their creators and the nature of the universe. Lucefaulz has power over death, a blessing that he’s turned into a curse for the inhabitants of Aidden. He himself was supposedly presumed dead in decades past, but with a power over death its understandable how he could’ve returned from within the desolation of times past.

The Vyandria family’s ancient history of violence towards demons counts all the way back to the days of the first demons within Aidden and it’s dark legacy has passed on to it’s last descendant .Lucefaulz who having claimed the throne of the kingdom of Vyandria which is the largest and the oldest kingdom in Erika and this philosophized hatred of demons taken to heart, has taken it to action in a genocidal authoritarian regime over the multiple provinces, city states, and minor countries in the continent of Erika, which he all claims as his. Lucefaulz’s rapid success is due to his introduction of advanced weaponry and highly skilled personnel- putting them to good use in the besiegement of the northern halve of the continent. Even so, parts of the southern half of the continent have already united into a confederation that’s been holding it’s own against Lucefaulz’s advances, but internally divided between nations approving progressive warfare and multiple city-states content with neutrality.
Under these circumstances the southern half was slowly but surely crumbling under the force and ruthlessness of Lucefaulz.


(if you critiqued this I love you!)
Last edited by Monument Soul on Tue Feb 03, 2009 8:05 pm, edited 2 times in total.
  





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Tue Feb 03, 2009 1:56 am
Monument Soul says...



will somebody please comment!! i worked hard this and it's been copyrighted...speak to me!!!
  





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Tue Feb 03, 2009 3:10 am
.:Elf:. says...



You might get more crits if you post this under writing.
  





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Tue Feb 24, 2009 8:07 am
Jay says...



Wow, you've definitely spent a lot of time and effort on this, and I applaud you for that. It's very large-scale and serious. What age group are you aiming for with this? I'm reviewing this from a teenage girl's point of view.

First of all, a lot of this explanation about the demons, phantoms and universes, as well as the backstory, belongs in a glossary or an appendix. I would much prefer for it to start with a character, something small-scale, and easy to relate to on a human level. With all this explanation about the universe's nature, I can't find a character I can identify with and root for. I can't relate to this yet.

The first sentence is too long and you get kind of lost in it. I think my brain exploded when I read "It began where it ended and continued where it stopped".

Overall, this is a good concept, but if I was to read this in a book, I would skip past this part. I want to see characters interacting on a human level.


Here I just rewrote and edited it, cutting out what I didn't think was necessary or made sense, or was just plain purple prose-y:

Existence

The world was born from Omniessence, the essence of everything.

It gave birth to the universe through its sub-essences. These sub-essences brought nature and first life.

The first life forms were monsters and spirits. Spirits formed their organizations and made their own societies. Certain strains of monsters evolved into a new and intelligent race, Demons, who eventually formed their own civilizations. Spirits, monsters, and demons lived peacefully separate in their own parts of the world.

Then the Phantoms appeared. No living being had any past knowledge of their existence. With no known origins or any idea of how they could even come to be these abominations could’ve been completely new, as old as the world, or maybe even older. They were neither living nor dead. Their insides were anti cores-portals to oblivion. Their bodies consisted of the twisted fragments of the world around them. With the knowledge of the existence of phantoms came the realization of the chaos and unrest they wrought upon the world and the universe.

Demons, Spirits, and the few monsters wise enough to reason out a way to save existence came together on one major effort, an effort very crucial to everything that was and was to ever be…

They needed to create an opposing nature to combat the negative subsistence of phantoms. So they created humans, with that one thing that counteracted the phantom anti-core…a soul.

The aspect of the human soul that makes it so effective against the negative forces of the Phantasma was the special powers born from contents of each individuals soul that channeled the positive force of the Omniessence.
This was the gift of man.


~ cataclysm-

Demons, spirits, monsters and humans made war on the phantoms.
The phantoms were persistent abominations

They felt no pain, fear, hatred, sadness, anger or any kind of emotion.

However there were intelligent phantoms.

The ultimate leader, named Bealzr, was a horrible being.

Pushing back opponents, it and its army of phantoms forged their way towards the back bone to the universe.

Bealzr obliterated this, and in doing so tore existence asunder. He Broke everything into multiple dimensions.
From the nothingness that separated these dimensions it created a dark domain and Bealzr called it Direzone.


The Allies tried to fight against Bealzr after that but it all came to a futile stalemate.

Man became sick of war, and decided to make a path of its own, standing against the demons and spirits. Some demons and spirits sided with the humans

After this the war ended
Bealzr put his aggressions to rest

The demons returned to their lands, the spirits to theirs.

The Meta-Lords, Arch-Demons (and the Grand Beast) disappeared into an upper world


They all built gates to hold their worlds together as the universe fell apart
The demons called their land the Netherworld, the spirits called their land the Aetherworld, the Great Beings formed a haven called Transcendria


The humans whose flesh became isolated from the blood of demons and whose soul has become isolated from energy of the spirits
claimed the lone planet that was once the center of existence

And called it Aidden

Here humans bodies and souls so evolved to become one.
And humans used these powers given to them by their creators to thrive and used an ingenuity unheard of to take dominion over Aidden.



Battle-ground Aidden

Ever since humans came to Aidden and claimed dominion, the demons and spirits have been with them. thriving alongside them in perfect harmony.
Together, humans and demons have taken technological and cultural advances within society by leaps and bounds.
Spirits also aided in the greatest discoveries and creations in the history of sentient life
  








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