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Train of Thought (working title)



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Sun Jan 25, 2009 7:07 am
MexicanDefender says...



A train of thought is given out by the interconnection in the sequence of ideas expressed during a connected thought, this sequence leads from thought upon thought and so forth. Where to begin...

It was only a few minutes but a few minutes more and more as time keep going I was more aware that my pursuit was all for nothing. I was thinking about how one could have done the terrible crimes and could only wonder how life was moving on for Mr. M. No record of this Mr. M and nothing ties him to disappearances but he has insisted I look harder. Julie Andrews age 27, Caucasian, beautiful blue eyes that I will never get out of my head, 5' 9'' and 128 pounds. She had gone missing 6 months ago and Mr. M had contacted my assistant Kathy Phillips saying he had information about the missing woman. I wish I knew more of this Mr. M, the more I feel to cling onto this dream I will one day get to have my hands around his neck seem to be going to my dreams and less of a reality. I am a P.I. and I am a very sluggish one, I usually handle cheating cases and not until recently this Mr. M had mailed money in an envelope along with a letter stating:

"Dear Mr. Matthews,
I have information regarding a missing persons case or should I say persons. I cannot tell you why I am coming forth or as to how I learned of these women. As for now I will point you in the right direction. The first girl is Julie Andrews, her case file is being delivered to you shortly after you receive this letter. I am hiring you to investigate this missing person and when I learn of your findings to be hitting a wall, another letter and more money will come in another envelope. There is more that meats the I., This message might have been tampered with, It is not safe for me to reveal more.
Sincerely,
Mr. M"

I am beginning to think I have lost my mind, Mr. M has not gave me a lot to go on and "there is more that meats the I" what does that even mean? All I know for certain is that Julie Andrews had gone missing 6 months ago and her last known location before the disappearance was a coffee house across the street from Al the Snake's motel. Alfredo Ignazio De Luca, he has been in and out of court house after court house with some up and coming lawyer always trying to put him behind bars. Al the snake is a name only few don't know, it is said he puts a snake down the victims throat. I tried to scope out Al's motel but shortly stopped by three thugs ready to beat me to a pulp. Its almost funny seeing them all identical, there names mean nothing, just loyal thugs ready to give their lives for the family. Italian family's have tried to rule over Kilton City for decades. Al managed to take the lower east side and crime run the streets of the lower east side since than. I started by covering the block around the coffee shop hoping there would be even the littlest bit of evidence to point me in the right direction. Entering the alley I had remembered I had seen this before, this place, this alley, the marks on the wall, and it all came back to me. I had been scoping out a cheating husband who had been going to Al's motel over 15 times in two months. It was right around the time Julie Andrews had gone missing, I was standing in the alleyway investigating the husband. It's all connecting now, It's almost as if I could see my past memories and as I follow a disturbance coming from the back of the alley I had pulled out my .357 Revolver and glowed onto the wall as I moved forward I had remembered seeing something... something small. I focused in on it and when I heard screams I turned the corner a van had sped away. As recalling this event I had learned I never went back to that small object, I found the object still there and it was a small button similar to the one of the thugs jackets that was missing a button. I had later understood what this all could have meant, why was Julie Andrews being taken and why has she not came up from the shores of the Kilton Lake. I need more to go on, Is this what Mr. M wanted me to find? I wonder if Mr. M will contact me after this discovery, how would he know? Is he watching me? I have so many questions and I need answers. I need to make a link to the disappearance of Julie Andrews and I don't have much to go on besides that missing button.

The next day I had gone to the motel in search of this thug to get some answers of him. Al's thug is involved than that must mean Al had something to do with it too. I wonder what she had done to get in the cross hairs of Al. I can't think! what do I do? am I even ready for something like this?

*Special News Report: Stacy Newman has been reported missing today by her father. Police have no leads but asked to show this photo and description of Stacy Newman. She is Caucasian, blond hair, blue eyes, 5' 7'' and approximately 125 pounds. If you have any where a bouts of Stacy Newman please contact the police immediately, Thank you.*

Stacy... where have I heard that name before... I have seen a girl of her description but I cannot place her anywhere. An ex-client? works in same building? the grocery store? the coffee house! I knew I had seen her somewhere. She was a regular at the coffee house, I have seen Stacy Newman at the coffee house just the other day. I wonder if this could have anything to do with Julie Andrews? The description is similar to Julie Andrews but other than that where did their paths cross to meet the same fate of going missing. I thought it was time I could get some answers so I went over to Al's motel and immediately I saw the thug who had the missing button. What were you doing 6 months ago in the back of the coffee house alley?

"I don't know what your talking about but I don't think Al will like that you invited yourself to his motel."
I will ask you one more time, what were you doing 6 months ago in the back of the coffee house alley, I found your button so don't play stupid! This time I better get the right answer or your going to regret your answer!
"You think I had something to do with Julie Andrews disappearance because you found a button?" Begins to laugh.
I point my gun toward the thug's pelvis.
Now I never said anything about Julie Andrews, you just made your second mistake. Want to guess what your first was?
I hit him with my gun in the nose and he began to bleed.
You lied and I will give you one final chance to tell me the truth. *cocking the gun*
"Okay! Okay! I'll talk!"
"The boss had got feelings toward this girl and he began to talk to her and she shut him down and he was a sicko. Boss was not happy with her attitude and when she got out of the coffee house he had me grab her and pull her into the alley for a chat. He started yelling and the girl spit in his face and than the van came up and he threw her in it and she screamed and we jumped in after she was in and drove away."
And that's all of it? I better not have to come back for more!
"No no! I told you everything that happened, I don't remember the conversation, all I know is he was drawn into her eyes and he was screaming about his father and than about the girl not being a lady. I swear that is all I know!"
Thank you for your cooperation and I will come back if I need more, UNDERSTOOD?!
"Yeah yeah understood."

As I started to proceed to my office I had realized that I had sucked up my emotional bull shit and had managed to crack the thug. I was quite proud of myself as I thought about my encounter with the thug but I do not think this will be the last time I encounter Al's thugs.



questions... comments... criticism?
  





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Sun Jan 25, 2009 7:17 am
Hannah says...



Erm, hello! ^_^ While I find your work intriguing and the concept of 'train of thought' is very useful, it is really considered common courtesy {and actually a rule, I believe} to look over your work and edit it once or twice before posting it on the forums here! Otherwise, reviewers might get caught up in correcting grammatical errors and not even be able to pay attention to the content that you are posting.

Just a suggestion, I suppose... ^_^ I do find the name of the missing girl amusing {Julie Andrews}, because she's one of my favorite singers! Sound of Music? Teehee~~ Anyways, I also think the premise of this work is very interesting, but I'd find it easier and more pleasant to wade through were it edited up a bit! Also, remember to try to review two works from other people before posting your own. ^_^

-Hannah-
  





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Sun Jan 25, 2009 7:20 am
MexicanDefender says...



Thank you, heh I haven't actually looked at it other than grammatical errors that I changed. Really? I must watch that ha ha. I just made it up as I was writing.

I was mainly looking for approval if it had like a good beginning to continue writing and if it sounds like a hook.
"Ars longa, vita brevis" - Hippocrates
  





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Sun Jan 25, 2009 7:27 am
Hannah says...



Thank you, heh I haven't actually looked at it other than grammatical errors that I changed. Really? I must watch that ha ha. I just made it up as I was writing.

I was mainly looking for approval if it had like a good beginning to continue writing and if it sounds like a hook.


Hehe, it's just a silly coincidence! And, I mean, every name you could possibly come up with probably has some kind of person already using it, right? So it's not absolutely IMPERATIVE that you change it. Hehe~

From what I gleaned {and mind you it's 1;26 am here so I'm not focusing very well}, it's a great start and something I think I could get into, so I would suggest definitely cleaning it up and continuing! ^_^ -thumbs up-
  





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7 Reviews



Gender: Male
Points: 1418
Reviews: 7
Sun Jan 25, 2009 7:38 am
MexicanDefender says...



Thank you hannah for your input. I will continue and touch it up.

I value any input anyone gives. heh and i will change the name.
"Ars longa, vita brevis" - Hippocrates
  








It's been many years since I had such an exemplary vegetable.
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