Young Writers Society

Hey I could really use help with any suggestions at all for my novel, I want it as well as I can get it.

Characters:
Leon Starfire (trying to think of new last name), Ray (need last name), Serena White, and Cassandra Grant are all the "good" guys. Uncle Chris dies at the beginning, but is good, not evil.

Evil characters are Scorpius and Capricorn. (looking for more evil people, especially a female).

Prologue:
I have this written I'll post it later. Anyways, the 'Scarred Man' or Scorpius, murders Leo's parents just after his mother blessed him with a sacred ribbon with a magical encryptment written on it to protect Leo.

Beginning:
The beginning starts off with Leo witnesses his uncle's death. (I hope this works as the hookish way I want it too).

Possibly a book spoiler if this happens:
[spoiler]Ending: The main character and his enemy both live, both nearly dieing, but Serena is kidnapped and Capricorn left dead.[/spoiler]


Any comments, questions, threats, concerns, bribes, reviews, ideas, etc...? Please, I could use the help here! Thanks <3

More details maybe?
The ending sounds kinda strange, but then again, I dont have very many details. The beginning does sound like a good hook though.

I read this book awhile ago, but the villain in the book Inkheart is named Capricorn. Just warning you about that. ^_^

It sounds interesting, but why are the children being attacked? It sounds as if there is no reason. I would reccomend just writing it and seeing how it turns out.

Hope this helped,
~Sakura~

-- Uncle, who has custody over the parentless children, dying in the beginning = Eragon and Star Wars

-- Capricorn = Inkspell

What is your novel actually about?

-Kylan

I agree with Kylan. there isn't really a lot of information about plot here - just a couple of hooks and character names that have been used elsewhere. What's the world like? What are they fighting over? most importantly, What do your MCs want, and how do the villains prevent them from getting it?

Needs more info for us to really give you advice or critique.

~Annie

I wrote down as much as my imagination would allow.

I don't like the ending either, I want it changed. That was just like something to have there in case I need it. So then is my book a cliche? I haven't read Star Wars and I don't know much about it, didn't even know that there was an uncle. The uncle in my book would probably die in the first few pages, but that can be changed. It was the only good hook I could think of. I kind of have writer's block. Parents dieing in the beginning is an even worse cliche too...so I used his uncle because not many uncles are in books.

I change the names a lot though I will change Capricorn's soon then. My friend actually recommended that name, seeing as it's his Constellation thingy. I'm thinking to something like Caldwell, which I found on a baby names thing.

More Details: the world is more of like normal (it's a fantasy book) with magic. Witches and wizards can be good or bad. It's where normies (as magic beings call them) don't know the existence of magic, and I know this is kind of cliche too. Leo wants revenge for his uncle and his parents. Ray and Serena wants to help Leo, seeing as he tricked them into thinking they were doing something else. Leo's other main goal is to just plainly survive, the ribbon from the prologue contains ancient magic. The villain will do any means necessary to stop him, through his men and himself. I have imagined several scenes for this, one on a beach and in the city and stuff. They are fighting over power, control, and magic (the villain's wants) because if Scorpius gets it, he can do a lot of bad things.

Do you think changing his uncle to an aunt would be better of worse? Don't know many books with aunts in them.

I don't usually do these outline/plot things so....I'm not used to it, sorry. I usually go into stuff like this without a outline. This was more of like a rough draft to get scratched up. Still need more?

Thanks for all your help!

That's a little better, but I'm still not clear on the main focus of the book.

Here's an exercise that may help us, and will definitely help you: the first two steps of the Snowflake Method.

Sum up your book in one sentence. Shorter is better. Try to get to the core of what your book's about.

e.g. a sentence summary for Star Wars would be: In this space opera epic, a lowly farmboy saves the galaxy, redeeming his father from darkness in the process.

Next, try to write a one paragraph blurb about your idea. Think about what someone would find on the back cover of the book if they were looking at it in a bookstore.

Verbatim from the back of Inkheart: "One cruel night, Meggie's father reads aloud from Inkheart, and an evil ruler named Capricorn escapes the boundaries of the book, landing in their living room. Suddenly, Meggie's in the middle of the kind of adventure she thought only took place in fairy tales. Somehow she must master the magic that has conjured up this nightmare. Can she change the course of the story that has changed her life forever?"

that should give us enough information to go on to give you points about your idea. From what you've given us so far, it seems like a standard "who's got the MacGuffin" plot, where there's some item of magical power that the big bad wants (in better ones, for interesting reasons, in worse ones, for unclear or no reasons whatsoever). I think to make these sort of plots work, you've really got to examine the personality of your villain, get to the heart of who-they-are and what-they-do. definitely, you're going to want to know what kind of magic is contained in your macguffin, and why the big bad wants it.

Hopefully that was a little more helpful!

~Annie

I'm thinking to something like Caldwell, which I found on a baby names thing.

Naming a villian after Nate is probably a bad idea.

Just kidding. I just found that funny.

Your details are interesting, but you need to be careful with the transition from the aunt's death to the battling.

Just try starting and see where it takes you.

so like a synopsis you want? Nate's name is Caldwell? Really? I just found it on a baby names site.

Okay, I will work on the Snowflake method.

It's actually his last name.

Oh, dear, I'm butchering the review-to-post challenge. I need to review.

I don't think you should use the whole aunt/uncle thing at all.

Children being raised by their aunts and uncles is extremely common, although you claim it not to be.

Examples of children raised by aunts and uncles:
-Eragon
-Harry Potter
-Star Wars
-Piggy in Lord of the Flies
-Alex Rider
-Frodo Baggins in Lord of the Rings

You've got a nice idea going, although it is a bit cliche.

Like I said before, just write it and see what it evolves into. You may be surprised. ^_^

-Sakura

I'd like to give you a little advice about the beginning of your book.

I've discovered that the book doesn't necessarily have to start out with that sort of enticing incident. What I mean is it doesn't always have to start with a chase scene, murder, plane crash, meteor shower, flying monkeys etc. While this is a good way to draw in a potential reader, there are some other options. Interesting comparisons followed by typically some sort of movement (car ride or something to that effect) has become increasingly popular in fiction. There is also the choice of having something interesting or funny happen to your character at the beginning. For example, the current beginning to one of my stories starts with my character standing in the library looking at a doorknob jutting out of one of the bookshelves. She pulls it and, no surprise, all the books come crashing down. The librarian enters the scene (the person she was looking for in the first place) and, well, it goes from there.

I like the idea of your story and hope that you decide to develop it and go from there.

-Lydia

If the car thing becomes popular, it'd become cliche. And I never said they were children...he's more like 16 or 17, just a teen. But I'll scratch the uncle and try thinking of something else.