I think you need to develop your characters more and give us a bit more of the story without just telling us, show us how things happened, it would make it all the more interesting for the reader.
At the moment I think your characters are a bit of a blank slate, you need to build them up, make them more real, descirbe them mre, just bring the reader back into the story, it helps and it makes it all the more enjoyable to read.
Yes, you should develop you characters. I want to know who she was marrying and why it was important. I want to feel the knights tormoil over what he's doing, because he's probably doing something wrong.
Get us to care about the characters.
for the POV thing... if you like to switch, like me, beucase I do, go into a thrid person, and when you want to switch to leave a gap.
Slow down at the beginning, and show us.
I really like the whole Knight Maiden thing, but then again, you know I'm always a sucker for that type of thing!
I think this could be a REALLY good story if you just slow donw (And I havet his problem too, of going to fast and wanting to jump right into the action), and let us, the readers, discover Knight and Maiden for ourselves.
'My words fly up, my thoughts remain below.
Words without thoughts never to heaven go.'
William Shakespeare
Greatest English dramatist & poet (1564 - 1616)
Listen to Meevs She is brilliant when it comes to Developing your characters. I took her advice on writing a part just about my character and it Developed him by miles.
Anyway that is enough Hero worship. Have alot of connection with your charcters, Write down a huge list of all there good attributes and all there bad ones. It helps you connect with them a bit more.
Man:George look at this.
George: look at what?
Man: Ha made you look!
George: Idiot!
I am thinking about changing the title to my story. I mean the old title is still good, but since i'm starting fresh on the story, i thought i would give it a new title. But i can't seem to think of any, so can someone help me?
any ideas? i'm all ears.
"I love you," she whispered in his ear, before taking his mouth with her own.
Last edited by Snoink on Wed May 30, 2007 11:58 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Ubi caritas est vera, Deus ibi est.
"The mark of your ignorance is the depth of your belief in injustice and tragedy. What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the Master calls the butterfly." ~ Richard Bach
Which ways do you want help? On what? On which? And change your signature! It's probally not true for starters, and it puts people off reading this not-good story of your's.
-Twit
"TV makes sense. It has logic, structure, rules, and likeable leading men. In life, we have this."
I'll keep Pming you my thoughts too, because I have a lot to say. Not that I have a lot wrong, I just have a lot of advice...
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