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Young Writers Society
Diary of an Almost Rockstar`s Girlfriend
Tue Mar 06, 2007 6:40 pm
What happens when your boyfriend`s garage band finally hits it big? When your both thrust into the spotlight and forced to face your not so glamorous past? Natalie Adler is about to fine out..
It all started two summers ago when i was sixteen. Me and Jason`s relationship,my family`s downward spiral,life.Everything started that summer.With my mother and her boyfriend constantly at each others throats and my sister frequently passed out drunk somewhere on someone`s couch,I spent alot of time by myself.Mainly walking around the trailer park i lived in or sitting on the railroad tracks.A train hasn't ran there since i was a little girl and a small grove of shade trees grew nearby.I would sit where their branches would reach over me,shielding my eyes from the Michigan sun.The tracks were my place..and most of the time,the only place i felt at home.
I had never desired a boyfriend,mainly from knowing my sister and her not so lucky in love persona.She`d bounce from guy to guy earning herself the nickname "Trina the Tramp". Thinking about it still makes me sick.Twin,what have you done to yourself? We`re lanky blonde copies of each other,besides a dragonfly tattoo on the small of Trina`s back.She woke up with it one morning with no memory of where it came from. I made a vow i wouldn't end up like her,wouldn't party,wouldn't let a man hurt me the way so many had hurt her.I refused to lose touch of reality the way she had.Listening to her heartbroken sobbing night after night would make anyone grow wary. So of course,on the day his car died under my overpass,under my railroad tracks,I didn't say a word to him.Dark hair,blue eyes kinda short with a smile to make up for it,he had heartbreak written all over him.Trina would have whistled,shouted, anything to call attention to herself.But not me.I just dangled my legs,tan from the sun,over the edge.and watched.
i`ll post more if i get some readers
Tue Mar 06, 2007 8:42 pm
From a purely technical point of view, make sure to put spaces after your commas (,) and periods (.) and capitalize proper nouns (such as "I"). You've also got something freaky goin' on with your apstrophes ('), but that could be a coding error from whatever program you typed this up in.
Now on to the story itself.
First, I'd like to say that sitting (or walking, or even being near) railroad tracks is really dangerous. (I've got a phobia of them, but it's still not smart.)
It's kinda a cute story, but obviously we need more. I should mention that this site doesn't function like fanfiction.net/fictionpress.com, and that it's generally accepted practice to 1) edit your stories before you post them, 2) not to say "I'll post more if..." 3) to introduce yourself
, and 4) to leave two constructive comments/critiques before posting one of your own stories.
Anyway, you've got an interesting start, so I hope I see more from you, but make sure to at least spell- and grammar-check before posting.
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— T. H. White
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