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Young Writers Society


Delta



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Sun Jun 24, 2018 1:48 pm
Brigadier says...



You (you = @blueafrica) asked for an actual comedy and you got a novel with the following elements:
- sci fi
- bogart detectives
- whiskey
- space lesbians
- science jokes

I only have 3 characters so far.
Edit: I have more characters involved now.



So there's not really a plotline and I wanted to write this as something else but it's the perfect thing for LMS.



LMS Challenges
Quotes to Use
- Godfather -
- Other Mafia Movies -
- Other Movies -
- Television -
- Music -


Chapters
1k per week
1 Godfather quote per week
1 other pop culture quote per week

Delta - 1.1
Delta - 1.2
Delta - 2

Last edited by Brigadier on Thu Jul 19, 2018 12:12 pm, edited 17 times in total.

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LMS VI: Lunch Appointment with Death

  





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Sun Jun 24, 2018 4:38 pm
BluesClues says...



Please tell me there are going to be puns about Thankless.
  





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Sun Jun 24, 2018 5:17 pm
Brigadier says...




the brigadier rides again!
LMS VI: Lunch Appointment with Death

  





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Sun Jun 24, 2018 9:36 pm
Brigadier says...



Planet: Zinnia

I came to the descriptions of this world while asking the question, "what would happen if New York City was an entire planet?"

City: Delta

Sections involved (that I have planned out)
- Carolinias
- Isaha
- Oflora
- Alama

the brigadier rides again!
LMS VI: Lunch Appointment with Death

  





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Mon Jun 25, 2018 6:22 pm
Brigadier says...



Genre:

I just wanted to give like a general genre but it's mainly a sci fi rom com and the love interests own the detective agency.

Like a lot of my other stories, there's a lot of other things going on here. The military is involved and the mod and ofc the police.

the brigadier rides again!
LMS VI: Lunch Appointment with Death

  





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Mon Jun 25, 2018 6:37 pm
Brigadier says...



Harriet "Harry" Bivens

Harry was "involved" in the military in some way but I'm keeping it vague on purpose. It's not supposed to be that dramatic but there's a backstory in there somewhere.

She's about 25, young enough to pass as a teenager in this 21 jump street situation but old enough to have those certain experiences.

Harry came into ownership of the Roth & Morrow Detective Agency, after Roth & Morrow were in a rather unfortunate mob hit. The Agency is somewhat well known for working for every family in town but Roth & Morrow thought they could take advantage of every game in town.

She was 22 ish at that time, sleeping with the daughter of the Fiacre leader and may or may not have been the one that tipped the police and the families off to Roth's scheme.

Now she's in a relationship with Willard Thankless (who is a woman despite the name), the former secretary/bookkeeper/researcher for the agency, who is now the other senior partner but still secretary/bookkeeper/researcher.

Let's just call Harry queer for now because she has had a multitude of relationships.

the brigadier rides again!
LMS VI: Lunch Appointment with Death

  





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Mon Jun 25, 2018 7:09 pm
Brigadier says...



Willard Deana Thankless

I'm creating a whole section for nicknames for her because people have a lot because of her super masculine name and her lastname.
Nicknames:
Spoiler! :
- Will
- Wile
- Bill
- Willy
- Billy
- Silly
- Thankfull
- Not Dick
- That Dyke (except she's actually very feminine and if you're gonna use a reclaimed slur to refer to her, Gay Greg, maybe choose something more appropriate)
- Thankful
- Meaningless

And the one loving nickname from Harry.
- Willow

the brigadier rides again!
LMS VI: Lunch Appointment with Death

  





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Mon Jun 25, 2018 10:44 pm
Brigadier says...



b]Willard Deana Thankless[/b]

See previous post for some of the many nicknames that she has.

Will is about the same age as Harry, maybe a little bit younger because she was just the simple office clerk when Harry became a detective there.

Will is half human and half Zinnian. Her appearance is more like that of a Zinnian, rough, orange/pink/yellow skin with scales and a few spines, along with the more rounded face shape.
Her appearance as Zinnian and Harry's as human, causes for some people to judge their relationship. Also that she has only ever been in relationships with 2 other women and Harry has...been around the block with people across the board.

Willard is the more feminine player in the relationship and Harry is the more masculine player. The character dynamic is working best with one being masculine/one feminine.
Also I want to have this line of dialogue.

Gay Greg (do not have a last name yet): so which one of you is the woman
Willard: both. but i guess, really me. just like you are to donny.

There isn't too much to say about Harry's family but here's basic info on Will.

Human Father: Captain James Shrout - deceased
Zinnian Mother: Ot Shrout - deceased
Human Grandmother: Lucy Thankless - living

the brigadier rides again!
LMS VI: Lunch Appointment with Death

  





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Mon Jun 25, 2018 11:07 pm
Brigadier says...



History

The human population on the planet Zinnia is rather new, they only arrived about 500 years ago, explorers on both research and religious missions.

In this version of events about humans leaving Earth, Earth is still alive and thriving. This group of colonists come from the planet Lira, which is already a sub planet of humans that was founded a few thousand years ago.

Zinnia has a semi-dead native language and very little recorded events, due to a series of natural disasters and many civil wars, one taking place when the colonists survived.

Religion

A predominate part of Zinnia culture that remains is their religion, Zian.
Population wise:
40% = Zian
40% = Catholic
10% = atheist/agnostic
10% = other Christian religions

So religious diversity wise, the planet is kinda limited but it's still in the young stages of cultures interacting.

LGBTQ+ Acceptance

I feel the need to mention this because while it is somewhat acceptable in our culture to be religious and queer, it's clearly defined in this world that being queer, is not a sin.

the brigadier rides again!
LMS VI: Lunch Appointment with Death

  





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Mon Jun 25, 2018 11:52 pm
Brigadier says...



Ita Fiacre

Species:
- Luna
- Zinnian

Ita is the mob boss's daughter that was Harry's girlfriend, at the time Harry took over the agency. They separated soon after for the conflict of interest but remained somewhat good friends.

This was the first long term relationship for both of them.

Both growing up in a similar environment.
- one parent dead
- family had money
- other parent was leader of a small organized crime family
- expected to take over that organized crime family
- same age

Both had similar interests.
- 1900s Earth
- they liked the music
- they liked the movies
- it's a rather obscure taste to have
- there's a line of dialogue I really want to quote between them at some point
"Thank you for doing this. Harry, leave the gun - take the cannoli."

the brigadier rides again!
LMS VI: Lunch Appointment with Death

  





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Tue Jun 26, 2018 12:09 am
Brigadier says...



Quotes To Use

I chose my challenge for LMS.
WARRIOR
- 1k a week
- 1 godfather quote a chapter
- 1 other movie/tv quote per chapter
- 1 song reference every other chapter (there's a lot of stake outs)


Here is now the list of quotes that I would like to use. This post will be edited like 50 million times.

Godfather
Godfather script: http://www.screenwrite.in/Screenplays/Godfather.pdf

Other Mafia Movies
https://www.scoopwhoop.com/entertainmen ... .pblbqvamy

Other Movies

Television

Music

the brigadier rides again!
LMS VI: Lunch Appointment with Death

  





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Tue Jun 26, 2018 1:31 am
Brigadier says...



Jud Huff

Jud is a somewhat ancient looking guy from Kanos 5, who was an original detective when Roth started the company 50 years ago. His exact age is unknown to anyone at the agency but due to the fact he was with the original party that landed on Zinnia, he’s probably upwards of 600.

Most of the humanoid species that [naturally] exist on Kanos 5, are described as ancient beings. They’ve been around (as a species) since the beginning of the time recorded in their sector and can live to be 5000, under the right conditions.

Jud’s lifestyle is not what would be called the right conditions.

In addition to living through (and fighting in) every civil war on Zinnia in the past 500 years, he smokes 2 packs and drinks 2 fifths a day. No one has ever seen him sleep. He never goes to the clinic. He has been shot an unmeasurable amount of times. (if one were to count his scars, it would take awhile.)

Jud spent his first 4 centuries on Zinnia working for the military.
Then 50 years for the Delta Metro Police Department.
Then 50 years at Roth & Morrow.
Then 4 years at Bivens & Huff.
[While Willard is the other partner, she’s still not a detective and not even Will wanted to put her last name up on the sign.]

In personal details, Jud is currently happily married to a Rigornite. Rigornites do not have a clearly defined gender culture or biology, but his spouse is masculine in appearance.
Jud has many children and grandchildren from a previous Zinnian marriage.

His hobbies include theology and ancient opera music.
Jud likes Earth recipe whiskey and how it has been adapted to the resources of this world.

the brigadier rides again!
LMS VI: Lunch Appointment with Death

  





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Tue Jun 26, 2018 8:12 pm
Brigadier says...



James and Lily Bivens

Little is known of the Bivens family, outside of the fact that they are now both deceased and were key players in the Red Fang Gang. Lily Bivens was the mastermind of this outfit from the beginning and her husband was the photograph that got put on television. That was their arrangement.

Sometime around 26 years ago, Lily became pregnant with their first child, Harriet.

When the child was about 4, they had another child, whose name is unknown outside of Polly.

A year later, and James had died in an automobile accident.

The elder daughter was drafted at 14 when their planet (Nerot) fell into a civil war. Humans joined in the fight, as they were citizens and the desperate measures of the war, meant the drafting age was eventually lowered to 10.

Harry was not athletic and even though they tried to train her as such, it didn’t happen. She didn’t become a foot soldier, she became a spy.

By the time she was 16, the war was winding down and the military asked for Lily’s approval to release her custody, so Harry could be transferred out.

After turning 17, Harry left Nerot and was transferred to Zinnia, to work undercover in a crime family.

While there, she developed a relationship with Ita Fiacre, daughter of Tonia and Ante Fiacre, who is now in control of the Fiacre family.

Harry completely severed ties with her mother at this point and has not spoken to her since.

Records show that Lily Bivens and the second daughter Polly survive, and that Polly has a child. The father is unknown but it can be assumed that he was a native of Nerot and a solider. The child’s name is Harry.

the brigadier rides again!
LMS VI: Lunch Appointment with Death

  





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Mon Jul 02, 2018 4:47 pm
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Brigadier says...



Last edited by Brigadier on Thu Jul 19, 2018 12:12 pm, edited 1 time in total.

the brigadier rides again!
LMS VI: Lunch Appointment with Death

  





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Tue Jul 17, 2018 6:06 pm
Brigadier says...



I’ve got a few issues and I’m surprised by the lack of people commenting. So if you happen to be scrolling through the forums, here’s a few things I want to figure out.

Without reading any of the novel or the notes, what impression do you get of the title?
- Sub note: from the general descriptions, is this even a book you would pick up? What would it take for you to pick it up?

Is there anything major about the characters that you object to? Their sexualities? Disabilities? Species?

Is the involvement of the different societies clear?

Really any feedback that asks real questions would be great.

the brigadier rides again!
LMS VI: Lunch Appointment with Death

  








The true adventurer goes forth aimless and uncalculating to meet and greet unknown fate.
— O. Henry (William Sydney Porter)