Young Writers Society

Hello, first off, I am new, and glad to join this community. Second off, I was curious if anyone was curious in helping me. I am publishing my first novel soon, and was curious how this sounds as the excerpt for the back of my book:

"Jakob Müller is a 9-year-old boy living in Czechoslovakia in 1939. His father, Oskar Müller, is a small town store owner. He is forced to close down his shop when sales start to neglect because of Nazi propaganda stating Jews had "dirty money". With the lack of financial support, the family is forced to move in with distant relatives, which also residence in Czechoslovakia, 29 miles away. This is Jakob's first big adjustment in his life, with many more to come. As his adventure goes on, the nightmares and horrors get darker and the mysteries unveil the truth to what he could never imagine to be reality."

It's about a 9 year old boy living during the holocaust. If you are interested in helping me edit, create a cover image, or would help share with friends and family, or interested in helping me get some funding, please message me

Hello! I really like the idea of writing about the Holocaust from the perspective of someone so young.

He is forced to close down his shop when sales start to neglect because of Nazi propaganda stating Jews had "dirty money".

I think this sentence is too wordy and gets into too much unnecessary, obvious detail, so I recommend taking out those parts. Maybe you can mention earlier that Jakob and Oskar are Jewish.

With the lack of financial support, the family is forced to move in with distant relatives, which also residence in Czechoslovakia, 29 miles away.

Again, too much unnecessary detail. Also, is this the "expedition?" For a nine-year old in 1939 that might be a big deal, but... For a reference, I can walk a mile in less than fifteen minutes. So going by that, this would be a seven hour journey by foot (omitting obstacles in the way). "Expedition" is defined as a journey with a purpose, but I can't imagine a nine-year-old Jewish boy's journey during the Holocaust to be full of much purpose, regardless of whether the 29 miles is the title expedition or not. If it's not, please hint at it in your synopsis! What is Jakob's purpose?

This is Jakob's first big adjustment in his life, with many more to come. As his adventure goes on, the nightmares and horrors get darker and the mysteries unveil the truth to what he could never imagine to be reality.

This is a bit too vague for my taste. I want to get a hint about what these nightmares, horrors, and mysteries are. What is the darkest moment in the plot, the place of smallest hope? Are Jakob and his family taken by the Nazis? I know you can't give too much away, but you have to offer some sort of bait that proves that this novel is something extraordinary.

Good luck!