Young Writers Society

You know how they say write what you know? Well, I'm doing the exact opposite of that. One of the characters in a novel I'm working on has a romantic subplot and I don't know how to make it believable. I have never been in a romantic relationship, so all of my knowledge of how to write romance comes from reading other books that have romantic subplots. However, this is an important development part for the one character and an essential part of her story, so I want to write it well. Help.

Flipside question for you! What do your characters find romantic?

For me, getting me chocolate is a surefire "thanks, but no" (I only barely tolerate chocolate). I'll be touched if the person offered just because that's what they do, but if they do it two or three times because they insist that's romantic then I'm going to be annoyed. Meanwhile my best friend will swoon if you get her chocolate because she adores it. I'm not terribly fond of flowers, either, because I have pollen allergies and they die too quickly for my tastes. Again, my best friend rather loves receiving flowers and the fact her husband gives them to her on the regular is extremely romantic... for them.

Me? Give me a cool rock you found, or a necklace I can wear with a dress shirt where the top button is popped, or a stuffed toy I can cuddle when nights are lonely. And going back to my best friend, a video game or anime marathon date is just as interesting as a nice restaurant, if not more.

I've read real life stories where a woman's best date was rough housing in the scum-covered mud at a music festival. I've seen men get excited going out collecting dead carcasses. I've even seen a shooting range being ideal quality time.

Romance is relative. The core of it is a mutual "this person notices things I like and joins me on the adventures I have, goes out of their way to make me smile, and encourages me to be a better version of myself." If that sounds like friendship to you, then good! Romance and friendship share so much space in a Venn diagram it is nearly a circle.

So if you can write solid friends, you can write solid romantic partners. Just throw in some butterflies and some dreams of sharing a something together to make it romantic.

Friendship can have that desire to share, too— all of those "romantic" gestures I mentioned I enjoy receiving? Come from platonic bonds. I want to spend basically the rest of my life with these people. But I don't want to share a household in the "joint account" sense with them, and that's what makes it platonic for me. Legit, my definition of a romantic relationship is somebody I want to share a joint bank account with.

But keep in mind other people have different definitions— so make sure you know your characters' answers to those, too. It could be kisses. It could be sharing a closet. It could be wanting to get married. It could legitimately be anything they've ascribed as being "romantic."

Scrap the "write what you know" advice. That is good advice in some cases, but if everyone always followed that, the world would be full of some pretty boring stories in my opinion. Unless we're assuming "write what you know" means you know it because you researched it!

So to add onto what Rosey said- MY ideal date is a late night drive (with someone you've known for awhile and is trustworthy, of course) because some of the best conversations happen in a car at night. C: And I love conversations.

Anyway, that's all I've got to say.

My advice is to not worry about writing a convincing romantic sub-plot. Instead, write a terrible one and come back to it later. Write your first draft like you were being chased by an angry mob from one page to the other; then come back and edit it into something sensible.

While you're doing this, I suggest trying dating out for yourself, provided you are mature enough for the experience. If there is someone that you have your eye on, ask them out. Even if they say no, you'll understand something about the fear of rejection that comes with asking someone out. If they say yes, then you can experience the nervousness that comes with planning a first date. I promise it will be an educational experience.

Within a few months, you will have more dating experience than you do now, just in time to go back and edit your first draft. You'll be able to write an even better one when you go back to your second draft.

Don't be afraid to go out and gain experiences, especially when those experiences can lead to you becoming a better person/writer.

Hello! I read a ton of romance and I love a good romantic plot line of any kind. I agree with what was said above, you have to figure out what the characters find romantic. If you need additional ideas about what people might find romantic, ask friends or other people you know that are in romantic relationships what they find romantic in that relationship.

For me, one of the most important things when I read a romance line, is that the romance has to feel realistic. It can't be we looked at each other once and we talked once and we went to a move together and now we're in love. Boring. I need to feel the chemistry and the sparks between them. I want to be sitting there thinking just kiss already. This takes practice, but my advice would be to focus on building up all of the moments that lead to their eventual romantic connection. Like showing them hanging out or doing whatever they're doing as friends, but there is undeniable chemistry between them. It may take them a minute to realize there's so much chemistry or feel ready to do something about that chemistry, but as a reader I want to be rooting for them to get together.

Think about how they talk to one another (maybe they share things with each other they've never shared with anyone else, maybe they have a playful witty banter, maybe they're really serious, maybe they're really animated...), how they position their bodies (in a crowded room do they gravitate towards each other, do they avoid all physical contact or do they look for opportunities to touch in a nonsexual way), those types of things to up the chemistry and romantic tension.

Also along the lines of what they find romantic, is what are they hoping to get out of the relationship? Is this a serious I-want-to-marry-this-person relationship, a fun exploratory thing, a revenge thing, an I'm trying to fit in thing, or something else. Depending on what type of relationship it is and what both parties are trying to get out of the relationship will change the shape of what the relationship looks like.

A few other resources that might be helpful - The 5 love languages were developed by Gary Chapman and the basic idea is that everyone has a love language and that's the way that you want to connect with others. This might give you some ideas about how your characters can connect with one another and what your characters might find romantic. This list of romance tropes describes some common situations that bring about a romance in a novel. This might give you some ideas about how your two characters will come together.

Good luck!