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Young Writers Society


Book 1: Dancer of the Fire Blade



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Wed Aug 30, 2017 3:58 pm
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Lightsong says...



Champions of the Naturals

Champions of the Naturals is a series of five novels that revolve around five important characters. As of now, Ilami XieZhi is the protagonist in Book 1 while Gael Xikara is the protagonist in Book 2. Rila Feros is the protagonist in Book 3.

List of the Novels

Book 1: Dancer of the Fire Blade
Book 2: Archer under the Moonlight
Book 3: Storm within the Silencer
Book 4: Shaker of the Mountain
Book 5: Champions of the Naturals
Last edited by Lightsong on Thu Jun 14, 2018 11:01 pm, edited 1 time in total.
"Writing, though, belongs first to the writer, and then to the reader, to the world.

The subject is a catalyst, a character, but our responsibility is, has to be, to the work."

- David L. Ulin
  





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472 Reviews



Gender: Male
Points: 25
Reviews: 472
Wed Aug 30, 2017 3:59 pm
Lightsong says...



Book 1: Dancer of the Fire Blade
(plot summary contains spoilers)

Book 1 revolves around Ilami XieZhi but has three points of view - Ilami, Gael, and Felaris.

Ilami XieZhi

She is the daughter of Venaria XieZhi, principal of both Quasar Magica Academy and Quasar Elementica Academy. She is also the younger sister of Alyosha XieZhi. On the age of eleven, she kills for the first time as a requirement of her test to get into Quasar Magica Academy. She becomes the youngest student ever admitted, the second youngest being her bother, Alyosha, who was admitted at the age of twelve.

While she enters the academy, she meets her first enemy, Felaris Ashav. Felaris reveals that Alyosha is the cause of the death of her brother, Arafel Ashav. Although Ilami admits she doesn’t know anything about it, Felaris doesn’t care about that and continues to hate Ilami.

In the academy, Ilami has moments when she hears whispers that others do not hear. When she sees Gael being bullied, she saves him but she also gives him a piece of advice to always fight back and instill fear at his attackers. From that moment, they become friends. Later on, Ilami and Gael find both of them hear whispers and are motivated to investigate on it. Gael also tells her about what he finds in the Restricted Area of the academy’s library. He flees the academy when the Sera Priestess is killed and he becomes the new Priest.

Ilami suggests a truce from Felaris and adds that she’d help Felaris investigate the death of her brother. It turns out Arafel has accidentally witnessed the experimentation carried out on the student of the academy. He in turns was experimented himself, but the result turns out horrible. While both experiments failed, there were some progress made. In Arafel’s dying moments, his strength was on par with a giant. Knowing this, both of them try to stop the experimentation. Felaris suggests killing Venaria herself, whom they find out is involved, but Ilami argues against it, saying both of them alone aren’t enough to handle the powerful adults.

Felaris relents, and they discuss ways to end the experiment. At the end, they decide to do two things - expose the monstrosity to the public, or when that fails the stop the experiment, kill the head scientist and those who have worked for him. Ilami argues to kill only the scientist but Felaris convinces her if they don’t kill them all, there’s a chance his inferior would continue the experiment. At the end, while the monstrosity horrifies the public, Venaria along with Felaris’s parents are able to use their influence to make them do nothing about it.

Ilami and Felaris make plans to kill all the scientists and Gael joins them. Haka also joins the group, which makes the issue between Haka, Veris, and Gael complicated - Veris has declared his developing feeling on Gael while Haka comes out as gay himself and has feelings for Gael. While they carry out the mission, Veris betrays the group, telling them he prefers to stay alive rather than risking his life. They end up killing all the scientists and the experimentation is delayed. Ilami doesn’t know how long that would be, but with Gael back in hiding, it would be harder to stop her mother’s scheme.
Last edited by Lightsong on Wed Aug 30, 2017 4:01 pm, edited 1 time in total.
"Writing, though, belongs first to the writer, and then to the reader, to the world.

The subject is a catalyst, a character, but our responsibility is, has to be, to the work."

- David L. Ulin
  





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472 Reviews



Gender: Male
Points: 25
Reviews: 472
Wed Aug 30, 2017 4:00 pm
Lightsong says...



Gael Xikara

He is the son of the Xikaras, born into a middle-class family. While he does not possess the Natural’s Blessing, his vast knowledge of magic allows him to enter Quasar Magica Academy. He befriends Haka, who is both his friend as well as his crush. As homosexuality is not recognized in the Naturalist religion, he keeps it as a secret. He enters the Restricted Area in the academy’s library one day to hear the conversation of two people - one of them is a dwarf - and is kicked out by said dwarf with a warning to never enter it again.

When Haka is not around, Gael is bullied. He is rescued by Ilami and they become friends. They discover both of them hear whispers and are motivated to investigate on it. Gael also tells her about what he finds in the Restricted Area. He also confides his feeling towards Haka to her. She tells him if he thinks Haka doesn’t mind his feeling, he should confess to Haka. Gael later confesses to Haka to the disgust of the latter. However, Haka doesn’t out him and instead choose to distance himself from him.

After some time, the Priestess of Serra visits Gael and tells him the whispers he gets is from the goddess herself. It signifies the end of the Priestess’s service, and Gael would take her place later on. Surprised, Gael doesn’t believe he would be the Priest since he doesn’t have magic. The Priestess can sense foul magic from the academy and urge Gael to investigate them. He tells her about Ilami and finds out she would be the Priestess of Xesar soon. When the Priestess is killed by someone, magic rushes into Gael. As the people who are responsible for Arafel’s death pursues him, he flees away from the academy.

Later on, he has secret meetings with Ilami. He tells her the Priestess and he have found out the student that first enters the Restricted Area is the son of the man she has killed for her test and that Venaria plays a role in experimenting the students. The Restricted Area serves as the source of information the Priest of Brother Gods Church needs in order to carry out the experiment. The objective of the experiment is to create super soldiers in Lio’s quest to attack the Hollows.

Ilami and Felaris make plans to kill all the scientists and Gael joins them. Haka also joins the group, which makes the issue between Haka, Veris, and Gael complicated - Veris has declared his developing feeling on Gael while Haka comes out as gay himself and has feelings for Gael. While they carry out the mission, Veris betrays the group, telling them he prefers to stay alive rather than risking his life. They end up killing all the scientists and the experimentation is delayed. Ilami doesn’t know how long that would be, but with Gael back in hiding, it would be harder to stop her mother’s scheme.
"Writing, though, belongs first to the writer, and then to the reader, to the world.

The subject is a catalyst, a character, but our responsibility is, has to be, to the work."

- David L. Ulin
  





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472 Reviews



Gender: Male
Points: 25
Reviews: 472
Wed Aug 30, 2017 4:01 pm
Lightsong says...



Felaris Ashav

While Felaris does have an important role in terminating the experiment project, her point of view is the least among the three. She had a close relationship with her brother, Arafel Ashav, even after he went into the academy. She has twin younger siblings, boy and girl named Elfar and Elfariah. The adore her and she them.

Felaris has a professional relationship with her parents, Xafor Ashav and Eliya Ashav. Xafor expects her to inherit the family’s business or if that is not possible, she can serve the royal members by becoming the Steel Commander of the military. Felaris is closer to Xafor than Eliya, but as the novel progresses, she would find Eliya being the one who helps her to go through the challenges.
"Writing, though, belongs first to the writer, and then to the reader, to the world.

The subject is a catalyst, a character, but our responsibility is, has to be, to the work."

- David L. Ulin
  





User avatar
472 Reviews



Gender: Male
Points: 25
Reviews: 472
Wed Sep 20, 2017 5:27 pm
Lightsong says...



Natural Language/Spells

Serra-blessed Spells

Advanced Acceleration Regeneration

Serris, cesat micimia. Bleeze, mivat miderizia. Bice mirakizia, bice gentis. Riti daris chengis et daris bifa. Risti dar hasbi an star dar hasbi dimiga.
Translation: Water, come at my command. Blood, move at my desire. Become miracle, become gentle. Return what is changed to what it is before. Restore what has been lost and stop what has been damaging.

Lio-blessed Spells

Basic Adhesive Earth

Liyez, reza et micima. Kiveris sheli er kiveria, an stes tirfemi tirriki.
Translation: Earth, rise to my command. Cover what should be covered, and stay as firm as a rock.

Glossary

water: serris
come: ces
at: [insert word]at
my: mi[insert noun]
command: cimia
blood: bleeze
move: miv
desire: derizia
become: bice
miracle: mirakizia
gentle: gentis
return: riti
what: dar
is: [insert word]is
changed: chengis
to: et
before: bifa
restore: risti
has: has
been: [insert word]bi
lost: [not yet made]
and: an
stop: star
damaging: dimiga
earth: liyez
rise: reza
cover/covered: kiver/kiveria
should be: sheli
stay: stes
as: tir[insert word]
firm: femi
rock: riki
"Writing, though, belongs first to the writer, and then to the reader, to the world.

The subject is a catalyst, a character, but our responsibility is, has to be, to the work."

- David L. Ulin
  





User avatar
472 Reviews



Gender: Male
Points: 25
Reviews: 472
Thu Jun 14, 2018 11:00 pm
Lightsong says...



Ah, bumping this to say this is turned into an LMS topic and comments are highly welcomed and appreciated. Can't lie, all these feedback I've seen in other topics make me jelly. >.>
"Writing, though, belongs first to the writer, and then to the reader, to the world.

The subject is a catalyst, a character, but our responsibility is, has to be, to the work."

- David L. Ulin
  





User avatar
472 Reviews



Gender: Male
Points: 25
Reviews: 472
Tue Jun 26, 2018 4:15 pm
Lightsong says...



Spoilers

I honestly think the novel is getting at the last part -- after the test, Ilami and Gael will have the equipments needed to fight Xestari and Father, as well as other priests. Ilami and Co. will try to get into the secret laboratories though and will be found and imprisoned -- courtesy of Veris for being a traitor. Gael will rescue them and then they will have the final encounter.

Reveals included:

- Haifei is Xesar and that's why he tells Ilami all of this. He wants to test whether she's suitable to be his priestess
- Veris is a traitor. At first, Venaria wants him to spy on Gael for research purposes -- after he's found in Xestari's office, he's forced to lead Ilami and Co. to the secret laboratories.
- The experiment is used to make super soldiers to defend against the Hollows at the border of Estagria. Lio (who is actually the King) is paranoid the Hollows will come for them all (which they will, but his paranoia leads him to do desperate things).
- Seya and Veris will die during the battle between Good and Evil. Both of them will end up dead by sacrificing themselves for the greater good. I'm also considering Ilami to die herself, but let's see if plot requires it.
- Venaria is actually not evil at all and just wants Ilami to think she is. She's accepted the fact she can't be a good mother and so wants to lead Ilami to fight evil instead.
- Zivil is not dead -- the people who retrieve him revive him before he dies. The process is the same with Aleveri reviving Haka.
- Until some point, Haka will ignore Gael since he wants to sort out his feelings. At the end, he realizes he actually loves Gael and is willing to sacrifice himself for him.
- Romance between Baris and Aleveri? At the end of the novel, Aleveri will be seen healing him, and Baris will come to the realization of how being a bully is actually his coping method over his own inferiority.
"Writing, though, belongs first to the writer, and then to the reader, to the world.

The subject is a catalyst, a character, but our responsibility is, has to be, to the work."

- David L. Ulin
  





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Gender: Male
Points: 25
Reviews: 472
Sun Aug 12, 2018 10:30 am
Lightsong says...



Spoilerts alert.

Revising the reveals I had planned:

- Haifei is Xesar and that's why he tells Ilami all of this. He wants to test whether she's suitable to be his priestess : Stays

- Veris is a traitor. At first, Venaria wants him to spy on Gael for research purposes -- after he's found in Xestari's office, he's forced to lead Ilami and Co. to the secret laboratories : stays. Immediately after the Test, he'd lead them to the secret laboratories. Aleveri will suspect him and switch with Ilami.

- The experiment is used to make super soldiers to defend against the Hollows at the border of Estagria. Lio (who is actually the King) is paranoid the Hollows will come for them all (which they will, but his paranoia leads him to do desperate things). Stays.

- Seya and Veris will die during the battle between Good and Evil. Both of them will end up dead by sacrificing themselves for the greater good. I'm also considering Ilami to die herself, but let's see if plot requires it. Ilami will not die. She suffers enough as it is. I'm not sure if Veris is going to die too, but I think Seya will most likely die. Urgh, I dunno, I don't want any of them to die. I'll think how they all survive in the end. Maybe the adults can die - cue Jaxin and Zivil.

- Venaria is actually not evil at all and just wants Ilami to think she is. She's accepted the fact she can't be a good mother and so wants to lead Ilami to fight evil instead. Stays.

- Zivil is not dead -- the people who retrieve him revive him before he dies. The process is the same with Aleveri reviving Haka. Stays.

- Until some point, Haka will ignore Gael since he wants to sort out his feelings. At the end, he realizes he actually loves Gael and is willing to sacrifice himself for him. Stays but for a short while. When Felaris and Co. are found missing, he will team up with Gael again and they'll talk about their feelings then.

- Romance between Baris and Aleveri? At the end of the novel, Aleveri will be seen healing him, and Baris will come to the realization of how being a bully is actually his coping method over his own inferiority. Maybe doesn't stay? I'm not sure how Baris is going to end up hurt, but I do think he and Aleveri will make an interesting couple.

---

About Chapter 20.1

The original plan was to have Ilami fight Haka, then she proceeds to the next round to fight Felaris, but following the previous plan of making Aleveri win the Scholar Test, I wanted to make Haka the victor of Fighter Test instead, so I made him fight Felaris. The reason why I included Felaris's PoV here is to give some hint of the change in Haka. I want to make a complete fighting scene between them, but now I think it'll be more suspenseful if readers don't know how Haka changed after his recovery (he was experimented). After her defeat, Felaris will go to Ilami and give her advice on how to beat Haka (actually she'd just inform Felaris how Haka change). Haka's change will be revealed in his battle with Ilami, which is going to happen at Chapter 20.2.
"Writing, though, belongs first to the writer, and then to the reader, to the world.

The subject is a catalyst, a character, but our responsibility is, has to be, to the work."

- David L. Ulin
  





User avatar
472 Reviews



Gender: Male
Points: 25
Reviews: 472
Sat Oct 06, 2018 3:52 pm
Lightsong says...



(spoiler alert)

For chapter 22.2, Gael will meet Haka's parents before he goes to Felaris's room and learns more about Haka's people's culture. He will also clear things up with Veris about his relationship with Haka. If I can fit it, he'll accompany Ilami to meet Mr. Haifei.
"Writing, though, belongs first to the writer, and then to the reader, to the world.

The subject is a catalyst, a character, but our responsibility is, has to be, to the work."

- David L. Ulin
  








The mind of man is capable of anything - because everything is in it, all the past as well as all the future.
— Joseph Conrad, Heart of Darkness