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Critique my story idea?



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Sun Aug 06, 2017 5:30 am
TheGreatPretender says...



I'm way overthinking this like I do with all my stories buuuuut I'd like some opinions on this one I want to write.
Basically, it's about this boy who was bullied really bad in elementary and middle school because he's a vampire and is different (the universe it's in vampires are extremely rare but someone having abilities is common, if that makes sense) and it just got worse in his high school years and it gets so bad he develops severe depression and begins to self harm and develops severe anorexia for fear if he gained any weight at all the bullies would have something else to make fun of. He hides it from his friends until one accidentally sees him and convinces him to let his other closest friends know and they help him through it.
It's supposed to be kinda anorexia awareness and how you never want it and how life-threatening it can be. A friend suggested I name it "Breaking Skin" because of several connection: one he is a vampire and his skin burns I never the sun, two he self harms and actually cuts his skin, and three the 'breaking' can represent he's been broken by the awful bullying.
I think I put some good thoughts into this, or I'm probably just overthinking it way too much. I'd appreciate some advice to help please? Thanks very much!
  





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Sun Aug 06, 2017 6:09 am
Wolfi says...



"Breaking Skin" could also refer to the fact that vampires break the skin when they bite their victims.

I've never really read a vampire story before, so excuse me if I'm clueless, but let me ask you some questions!

How did he become a vampire? Could you elaborate on the "having abilities is common" part? How do people get these common abilities and what are they? What are his friends like? Why don't they bully him, and do they know he's a vampire?
John 14:27:
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you.
I do not give to you as the world gives.
Do not let your hearts be troubled
and do not be afraid.
  





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Sun Aug 06, 2017 6:40 am
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Virgil says...



Ahhh, I see you're here! Glad you're in the Writer's Corner because I did want to hear the idea.

I have a lot of the questions that Wolfical also holds with the idea. All of them that Wolfie holds I have as well. I have to say that the vampire aspect of this story may end up taking away from the Anorexia awareness themes? I'm also wondering as to how this ends and what character development he goes through. The ending I see as a large base here because that's what this is leading up to.

A couple of more questions that I have--why doesn't he just bite his bullies? That's a bit of a joke because I realize that isn't all that realistic, but I'm also wondering if he's ever gotten the temptation to hurt other people. He's a vampire, yes? How does he consume blood?

Is he a pacifist (from what we've been told as outsiders I can't see the main character he doesn't seem to have bloodlust for others) seeing as he uses an alternative to drinking the blood of living people? If vampires are extremely rare, who are his parents? Does he have any? What I'm attempting to say is that there are a lot of different factors to consider when writing this story.

Balance the mental illness that exists in the real world and the aspect of him being a vampire if you're wanting to do an accurate representation. I can say that I haven't heard of this idea before, but the hardest aspect of this is going to be the execution and how well the story and other elements are handled. For the different parts that are tied to real life I hope you've done your research to get the details right.

Overall, I can see this being done right if well-executed. I hope this helps your journey into breaking that large Writer's Block in your way!

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Sun Aug 06, 2017 7:41 am
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TheGreatPretender says...



UPDATE: Seeing all the problems that the creature universe causes, then I'm switching the story to be set in the real world. No special abilities, no actual vampires, BUT the main character has a skin condition that makes his skin extremely sensitive to any light, so he is made fun of for that and called a vampire.
I think that'll save a lot of over thinking and may have made it easier to get the concept.
  





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Sun Aug 06, 2017 7:29 pm
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Wolfi says...



I like that a lot better! Now you can concentrate on the anorexic themes of the story, and readers will be able to sympathize more easily. You'll also attract a wider audience, since someone like me, truth be told, would be unlikely to find interest in a vampire story.
John 14:27:
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you.
I do not give to you as the world gives.
Do not let your hearts be troubled
and do not be afraid.
  





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Sun Aug 06, 2017 8:19 pm
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Virgil says...



Hiya TheGreatPretender! I got your PM with the response and I have to say that I'm a lot more interested in this contemporary version as well! The concept is definitely easier to understand with the updated version because the plot is a bit more straightforward than before. I hope this idea comes out as planned! I'm happy that progress is being made.

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Sun Aug 06, 2017 8:21 pm
deleted30 says...



Gotta say, I'm kind of bummed you're doing away with the vampire/fantastical element. Reason being: I've read stories set in the real world that deal with bullying and eating disorders a thousand times. I have NEVER read one like this. And that means something—not only because it's more original, but also because I think that, through the fantasy element, you'll be bringing in a whole new group of readers who may not have previously been exposed to literature that deals with bullying/eating disorders. It's a really interesting idea, and a clever way to raise awareness while attracting a broader audience. Further, I think this is an interesting new spin on vampires and stories about bullying/eating disorders. I honestly really like it (and I say this as someone with a history of disordered eating).

Obviously there would be more things to figure out if you set this in the fantasy world as originally planned. It would require time and effort, but I think it would be worth it.

Good luck either way! :D
  





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Sun Aug 06, 2017 9:35 pm
Virgil says...



I wanted to re-respond because Lucrezia brings up a nice enough point. An allegory or metaphor isn't always necessarily pulling away from the main content. For example, having this take place in the real world is a lot more direct while the fantasy world and the vampire aspect makes the other parts a bit more subtle and difficult to work in but both are solid ideas that can be executed well if enough effort is put in.

The original and raw idea is unique, just harder to do and worldbuild for. Just a bit of clarity! The other idea isn't wrong in any way, the second is just more direct with the theme and a bit easier at least in my eyes.

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