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Polyamorous Relationships?



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Thu Jun 22, 2017 10:16 am
SheWhoWrites says...



Hey guys!

So, I've been outlining a new project for a while, and I've only come to one major problem. My main character, Iris, has two love interests. She's eventually going to end up with both of them. That much I do know, even if I don't know anything else.

The problem lies in the fact that they're all going to end up with each other. The male parts of this trio are together from the beginning of the novel and they're close friends with Iris. In fact, they're probably her best friends. The lead into the three of them being a couple needs to be realistic as their love story is a big part of the story. It's not a subplot, either. Their relationship has a lot to do with the events throughout the book (and the others in this series) and I want it to be believable.

That said, can anyone give me some tips on how to do this realistically? I don't want to offend anyone with this. Thanks!
SheWhoWrites
“Gibberish?" Jem suggested
"Pornographic?" said Will at the same time.
"Could be both," said Will. "Haven't you ever heard of pornographic gibberish before?”
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Thu Jun 22, 2017 11:58 am
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Audy says...



Ooh, I suppose knowing your characters well. Even if your story is not written with a psychological slant -- I still find that knowing a bit about psychology is a great tool to making characters feel more realistic. Different people are going to have different worldviews, and those views are going to affect how they see the world, but also their reasons and motivations for entering a poly relationship is going to be different, they are going to get different things out of it and that's okay.

Have your conflicts come organically from the characters themselves (rather than from like a genre trope - say if you're writing a superhero story and a common trope you see is the whole "I need to protect my loved one, so I am going to end this relationship for their safety! Because bad guys are after me" Bleh. I don't know your main plot -but the same thing applies with being careful of the tropes you use and more thoughtful for where the conflicts in your story stem. If they stem from organic places of clashes between people's differing views, that is MUCH much more interesting and realistic.

Put any two or three people into a room for a long enough period of time, they are going to naturally have conflict -- it is their nature to do so.

So knowing your characters' motivation, their background, their emotional needs, their faults/flaws, their dynamic and how it can change or improve or enhance with each other :) Obviously external conflicts are going to be important to the story - but what makes things realistic is how the external conflicts tend to exacerbate internal conflicts and how that internal conflict will in turn affect everything else.


This site has some good information from media perceptions to common conflicts to jealousy and all that good stuff, if you click around. I like it because it expresses damaging views - it basically says "These are the common misconceptions people have when entering poly relationships ..." and this is how they can fix/think about it in a more fruitful way. So looking into the common human errors people tend to develop, and then going back and seeing why we make those errors and where your characters stand in all that.

I hope that helps? Knowing more about your story may help me too xD But this is just a general bit of info for relationship conflict and emotional-competence.

Happy writing!
  





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Thu Jun 22, 2017 12:16 pm
SheWhoWrites says...



Thanks!

The plot thus far is: "o Atlantis is nothing more than myth, right? Wrong. Atlantis is a real place, a world unto itself. It wasn’t always this way, though. Once, long ago, Atlantis was visible to the entire world. And then all but one of their sacred gods and goddesses were destroyed. The last of the Sacred Six is the Goddess Ambrosia, Goddess of war and vengeance. For longer than human records can show Ambrosia has kept Atlantis hidden for the safety of her people. And then the Atlantean Prophecy is activated and everything changes." Basically, my main characters are the incarnation of the Sacred Six. Iris, Castor, and Pollux were lovers before they were murdered by the Greek pantheon and they swore to find each other in the next life. There's a prophecy that foretells the Second Rise (the Sacred Six's return). As they remember their former lives, they regain their feelings for each other.

It's a ridiculously complicated plot but their relationship was one of the reasons that the Greek Pantheon decided to destroy them. Three of the most powerful Immortals as a bonded trio was a threat to the overall power of the Greeks.

I dunno if that helps at all but what you've already given me is brilliant! Thank you! :)
“Gibberish?" Jem suggested
"Pornographic?" said Will at the same time.
"Could be both," said Will. "Haven't you ever heard of pornographic gibberish before?”
― Cassandra Clare, Clockwork Princess
  





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Mon Jun 26, 2017 12:58 am
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Rosendorn says...



The biggest thing I think that needs addressing is how the guys feel about their orientations, because if they're already an m/m couple they could both be bi, or they could be 99% gay and that 1% is Iris.

Either way, you're going to have a fairly big bisexual component in here, just by the nature of two guys together with a girl. Are all three of them equally bonded together? Do different partners serve different emotional needs?

One thing about being in a polyamorous relationship is different people give you different things. While this lacks romantic bonds, me and a friend of mine are found family, and I'm about equal to her husband in terms of importance. But we play very, very different roles in her life, and he plays a different role in mine than she does— we're still friends, but he and I never actually thought that we'd be as close as we ended up being. So it's kind of a solid trio because I trust him with a lot and he trusts me with a lot, but there is a certain amount of how we're only together because of who we know. (They are together because of me, but that's a whole 'nother story lol)

You also have to consider if it starts off with them both approaching her, or if only one of them has feelings/willingness to act on them first, and the other joins in. That will be determined by how comfortable they are with either homoflexibility or bisexuality, because somebody can be deeply uncomfortable with their feelings towards a different gender than they're accustomed to.

Hope that gives you some more insight.
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