First, A Summary of the Story So Far and my thoughts on it. The summary may be longer than what I've actually written lol.
Spoiler! :
A summary of what has happened until this point
Isabella is sixteen and lives with her seamstress mother near the docks of the unnamed capital of Morovia. One day she is at the market when a veiled woman sees her dress and wants to know who made it. She brings the woman, who turns out to be Princess Carolina, to her mother. The princess says she wants two things--a dress for the New Year's Ball and Isabella to be her servant. The servant position pays handsomely, and Isabella would go to live in the palace and her mother would be sent half of her salary.
Once she arrives at the palace, Isabella quickly bonds with the outgoing prankster Elena, despite warnings that she is trouble. She doesn't understand what this means until one day when the royal family is out and she and Elena are cleaning the princess's quarters. Elena thinks it would be fun to dress up in the princess's gowns and Isabella reluctantly goes along with it. They end up dancing and eventually kiss. This is when the princess returns. Furious, she fires Elena but lets Isabella off with a warning.
Over the next few weeks, two things dominate Isabella's time--searching for Elena and the advances of the Princess. Isabella knows that having same sex relationships is sinful according to the teachings of the priests (Silanos). Her mother is faithful and conservative, but Isabella is starting to have doubts, especially after kissing Elena. She knows through the rumor mill that LGBTQ people tend to congregate near Moon Street, so she heads to that area to see if Elena headed there. She ends up in a bar called "The Resurrection" where she meets the owner, Marco, and befriends a trans woman named Eva. Unfortunately, neither of them have any leads on Elena's whereabouts.
As for the Princess, Isabella had also heard rumors that the princess was involved with women and that's why she has not yet married, but she never believed them. But then she saw her flirting with the beautiful daughter of the Ambassador to Helvida. And then, shortly after Elena leaves, the Princess starts making advances on Isabella. This makes Isabella very uncomfortable, but she's in no position to refuse the Princess's demands.
The Princess does indeed enjoy the company of women, but her heart is set on one thing--the crown. She hates that the rules of succession in Morovia mean that her younger playboy brother will get to rule. Finally, her parents tire of her excuses and decide to marry her off to a prince of Belingard to strengthen their alliance. Where I left off, the Princess was contemplating using Isabella to "take care" of this problem.
Analyzing what I Have
The good: The poems themselves aren't that bad, though I could definitely edit them at some point. I was wondering if I should change this to a more conventional prose novel, but honestly I think the poem story is more my style. I also think the characters have potential--I wasn't expecting the Princess to be as important to the story, but now I think she should have a larger role, though I still see Isabella as the MC. I do like messing around and using different perspectives, so I think I'll keep doing that.
The not-so-good: I feel like there's still a lot of gaps in the story, and I also don't think I unlocked the full potential of using the poem format. With poems you can really get into the imagery and people's emotions, so I want to do more of that. I also feel like the poems should be more poetic in order to justify using this format, but I'm not sure how to go about doing that.
The main kink plot-wise in the Story So Far is the nature of Isabella and Princess Carolina's relationship. I had originally written it as not exactly consensual, but now I'm not so sure that's the direction I want to go in. I don't think it's a healthy relationship, especially given the power imbalance, but I think I might rewrite this with Isabella being more into it? Like maybe she's torn between missing Elena and an attraction to Carolina?
Next, Where I Want to Go from Here
Spoiler! :
My entries for LMS will probably be some combination of new plot and filling in gaps in the old plot. There's a possibility I may end up striking some poems entirely if the plot changes enough. For now, I think I need to focus on advancing the story. I'm also wondering if I want some of this to be in prose, but I'm not sure about that.
So where I left off, the princess was betrothed and considering how to get herself out of it, likely by using Isabella/other accomplices to murder him. But maybe that's not the most interesting way to have this go down. Now I'm thinking that Carolina will agree to the marriage under certain conditions (e.g. not giving up her right to the throne, having him move to Morovia instead of her moving to Belingard) and they will be married for at least some time before Carolina makes her move. I think a good starting point here might be the details of the betrothal, maybe bringing in more of the king/queen's perspective and having Carolina bargain with her parents and/or the Belingardians.
So now Carolina is going to marry a prince who she very much does not like. Despite having to fulfill her "wifely duties", Carolina still continues her relationship with Isabella. And...new idea. What if the prince finds out about his wife and Isabella and threatens one/both of them? And then they either a) poison him in a premeditated plot, or b) end up reacting to a physical threat of violence by killing in self-defense? Either way, Isabella is somehow going to take the fall for this, forcing her to leave Morovia to avoid prosecution. I think this is where Magda comes in as an escort
And...now I have another idea. I've been wanting to bring more fantasy-type stuff in this since there hasn't been much yet. What if Isabella responds to the prince's threat by accidentally killing him with magic? In Morovia, magic is something that only the Silanos can practice, though some commoners may have these powers unknowingly and/or practice illegally. Generally, the powers don't show themselves until a time of great stress/emotion. Actually being able to control them at will requires education that Isabella would not have as a Morovian commoner. In other places, like Helvida, people of all classes are frequently born with powers and allowed to practice, so magic education is a thing. So once she ends up in Helvida, Isabella gets to learn more about her powers and how to use them.
Another thing that may happen is a war between Morovia and Belingard. Morovia puts out a statement that the prince's death was natural, but the Belingardians aren't buying it and so all hell breaks loose. Eventually, someone finds out about Isabella's role in the murder and comes after her while she's in hiding with Magda in Helvida. Helvida's government isn't sure whether to side with its neighbor Belingard or its longtime ally Morovia. This may require Isabella and Magda to leave to another world that I have yet to name/describe.
Well...that's certainly a lot more plot than I had before. I still want there to be romance, but I want there to be Other Things going on as well to keep this a sustainable and interesting project.
Revised Character Descriptions
Spoiler! :
Isabella-The MC. Starts out timid and obedient but finds her voice as she explores the world outside the Palace and eventually Morovia itself. She is 16 at the start of the story. She is skinny and pale-skinned with strawberry-blonde hair.
The weird thing is, I feel like I don't know that much about Isabella even though she's the MC. Maybe as I get back into writing from her voice I'll pick up more of her. I'm getting a vibe that she "falls in love" easily, but is scared of committing to one person. I think she's also developed some wariness of the world influenced by her mother being perhaps overly trusting and generous. I also think she has some wanderlust--like growing up she always wanted to see more of the world than the docks of Morovia, but never thought she would have the chance. Thus, though leaving her mother and joining the Palace is new to her, she is very interested in the opportunity and hopeful that she'll get something out of this new gig. I feel like there's a lot of background and backstory here that hasn't been touched yet but something I may want to explore as I revisit the earlier plot.
Elena-The MC's first love interest. She is about 17-18 at the start of the story. She is tall and olive-skinned with black hair. Her parents were poor farmers in the country, so becoming a servant was a huge blessing for them. She caught the eye of Princess Carolina during discussions of drought in her region a couple years ago. Many of the other palace servants don't like her and warn Isabella that she's "trouble". Her relations with the princess are an open secret among the servants.
Princess Carolina-The main boss of Isabella, Elena and some other (as yet unnamed) servants. She is 21-22 at the start of the story, tall with olive skin and dark brown eyes and hair. The way I see it, the Princess is not someone you'd want to befriend or get involved with, but she is someone you'd want ruling your country. She genuinely cares about the people of Morovia and is the first royal in generations to actually go out among the people and listen to their concerns. She's skilled at working with diverse groups of people and her father has sought her counsel on various difficult matters affecting Morovia. She wants to rule Morovia, and her father agrees that she would make a far better monarch than her brother, but her mother thinks she should be properly married off by now. Her laser focus on Morovia and being queen leads to her not noticing or outright dismissing the feelings of her closest friends and lovers. Ultimately, if it benefits her or Morovia, she won't hesitate to do it, not matter how ruthless. She's had numerous secret affairs with women, but not actual long-term relationships.
Prince Juan III-Younger brother of Princess Carolina and presumed heir to the throne due to Morovia's rules of male succession. However, his hot temper and general disinterest in governing is well known, leading many to speculate that he should not be king. He is average height and kind of scruffy looking with a dark beard. Not sure how much of a role he will play in the plot.
King Juan II and Queen Ariana-Princess Carolina's parents, who won't have POV poems but nonetheless play crucial roles in the plot. They oversee a time of great prosperity but also rising social tensions in Morovia. They've given their children authority over their own servants, so even though they're technically Isabella's bosses, she largely answers to the Princess. The Queen is more traditional-minded, close with the Silanos, and wants to see her daughter married off. The King is more forward-thinking and thinks his daughter would make a better ruler than her brother, but also fears bucking long-held traditions. He also cares what his subjects think of him, while the Queen mainly cares about the opinions of the Silanos and other nobles.
Magda-A noblewoman and ambassador's daughter from Helvida, a key Morovian ally. The land is colder but more socially liberal (and importantly, very accepting of LGBT+ people, which will probably be called something different). She is intellectual and adept at water/ice magic. Tall, thin, with long blonde hair and blue eyes. Starts out as one of the Princess's lovers but develops a relationship with Isabella.
Ricardo-A fisherman's son and neighbor of Isabella's in her pre-Palace days. They were childhood friends but I don't know if he'll come into the story proper or just in flashbacks. (One idea I'm floating--they were at one point so close that he thought they would end up getting married, though I don't think Isabella was ever into this plan and I'm not sure if they were ever in a relationship or not).
Isabella's mother Columba-A seamstress who married a fisherman (Isabella's father, who died when she was young). She's quite talented and could live somewhere better, but has always been generous (perhaps too generous?) which her funds. Her talent catches the Princess's eye when she sees Isabella wearing one of her mother's dresses. Short and stout with green eyes and graying brown hair.
The Head Chef Beatriz-A sort of "mother hen" figure to the servants. Her main role plot-wise is warning Isabella about Elena's "bad influence". (Note: may or may not be kept in future plotting).
Marco-Bartender and co-owner of The Resurrection. Middle-aged portly gay man who lives above the tavern with his partner (name TBD). Kind-hearted, friendly, and welcomes everyone who enters the bar...unless he suspects your motives are less than friendly toward the LGBT community. Then he will sic Fairness and Equality on you. Fairness and Equality are the tavern's guard dogs.
Eva "The Bearded Lady" - A trans woman that Isabella meets at The Resurrection. She's wary at first, but they eventually become friends. Unsure how much of a role she will play in the rewrite, so this could be expanded upon later.
The weird thing is, I feel like I don't know that much about Isabella even though she's the MC. Maybe as I get back into writing from her voice I'll pick up more of her. I'm getting a vibe that she "falls in love" easily, but is scared of committing to one person. I think she's also developed some wariness of the world influenced by her mother being perhaps overly trusting and generous. I also think she has some wanderlust--like growing up she always wanted to see more of the world than the docks of Morovia, but never thought she would have the chance. Thus, though leaving her mother and joining the Palace is new to her, she is very interested in the opportunity and hopeful that she'll get something out of this new gig. I feel like there's a lot of background and backstory here that hasn't been touched yet but something I may want to explore as I revisit the earlier plot.
Elena-The MC's first love interest. She is about 17-18 at the start of the story. She is tall and olive-skinned with black hair. Her parents were poor farmers in the country, so becoming a servant was a huge blessing for them. She caught the eye of Princess Carolina during discussions of drought in her region a couple years ago. Many of the other palace servants don't like her and warn Isabella that she's "trouble". Her relations with the princess are an open secret among the servants.
Princess Carolina-The main boss of Isabella, Elena and some other (as yet unnamed) servants. She is 21-22 at the start of the story, tall with olive skin and dark brown eyes and hair. The way I see it, the Princess is not someone you'd want to befriend or get involved with, but she is someone you'd want ruling your country. She genuinely cares about the people of Morovia and is the first royal in generations to actually go out among the people and listen to their concerns. She's skilled at working with diverse groups of people and her father has sought her counsel on various difficult matters affecting Morovia. She wants to rule Morovia, and her father agrees that she would make a far better monarch than her brother, but her mother thinks she should be properly married off by now. Her laser focus on Morovia and being queen leads to her not noticing or outright dismissing the feelings of her closest friends and lovers. Ultimately, if it benefits her or Morovia, she won't hesitate to do it, not matter how ruthless. She's had numerous secret affairs with women, but not actual long-term relationships.
Prince Juan III-Younger brother of Princess Carolina and presumed heir to the throne due to Morovia's rules of male succession. However, his hot temper and general disinterest in governing is well known, leading many to speculate that he should not be king. He is average height and kind of scruffy looking with a dark beard. Not sure how much of a role he will play in the plot.
King Juan II and Queen Ariana-Princess Carolina's parents, who won't have POV poems but nonetheless play crucial roles in the plot. They oversee a time of great prosperity but also rising social tensions in Morovia. They've given their children authority over their own servants, so even though they're technically Isabella's bosses, she largely answers to the Princess. The Queen is more traditional-minded, close with the Silanos, and wants to see her daughter married off. The King is more forward-thinking and thinks his daughter would make a better ruler than her brother, but also fears bucking long-held traditions. He also cares what his subjects think of him, while the Queen mainly cares about the opinions of the Silanos and other nobles.
Magda-A noblewoman and ambassador's daughter from Helvida, a key Morovian ally. The land is colder but more socially liberal (and importantly, very accepting of LGBT+ people, which will probably be called something different). She is intellectual and adept at water/ice magic. Tall, thin, with long blonde hair and blue eyes. Starts out as one of the Princess's lovers but develops a relationship with Isabella.
Ricardo-A fisherman's son and neighbor of Isabella's in her pre-Palace days. They were childhood friends but I don't know if he'll come into the story proper or just in flashbacks. (One idea I'm floating--they were at one point so close that he thought they would end up getting married, though I don't think Isabella was ever into this plan and I'm not sure if they were ever in a relationship or not).
Isabella's mother Columba-A seamstress who married a fisherman (Isabella's father, who died when she was young). She's quite talented and could live somewhere better, but has always been generous (perhaps too generous?) which her funds. Her talent catches the Princess's eye when she sees Isabella wearing one of her mother's dresses. Short and stout with green eyes and graying brown hair.
The Head Chef Beatriz-A sort of "mother hen" figure to the servants. Her main role plot-wise is warning Isabella about Elena's "bad influence". (Note: may or may not be kept in future plotting).
Marco-Bartender and co-owner of The Resurrection. Middle-aged portly gay man who lives above the tavern with his partner (name TBD). Kind-hearted, friendly, and welcomes everyone who enters the bar...unless he suspects your motives are less than friendly toward the LGBT community. Then he will sic Fairness and Equality on you. Fairness and Equality are the tavern's guard dogs.
Eva "The Bearded Lady" - A trans woman that Isabella meets at The Resurrection. She's wary at first, but they eventually become friends. Unsure how much of a role she will play in the rewrite, so this could be expanded upon later.
Revised Setting/Worldbuilding Notes
Spoiler! :
I'll probably end up keeping a lot of this the same, but I do want to look at this with fresh eyes.
Gender:
Points: 35774
Reviews: 1274