This is more of a venting process for me than anything, and I realize that nobody will read it, let alone reply to it. However, since writing is the only thing in which I am somewhat decent (or so I thought, up until today), I need to get this off my chest.
The results came in just now! 9 points, scoring last out of approximately 20 people. There you have it, lads. I'm the worst writer of the bunch, apparently. Ain't that a kick in the head. A kick in the teeth, more like, as I don't know if pursuing writing as a hobby is worth it anymore.
You know the contests, right? Head into the room, take a seat, they give you a grammar test and have you write about some nonsensical topic with a ridiculously low word limit. All in 120 minutes. You know, when I took my exam for the engineering school at which I currently study, it was nothing short of hell. I despise tests, as I always have, and this was no different. Add to that the fact that my mother tongue is extremely difficult. Czech is awful, yet beautiful.
Quite frankly, I didn't know what to write about. I had no idea. Writer's block didn't help much, but then again, maybe I'm just inept all around. Well, I wrote about not being able to write. I suppose it didn't strike a note with the judges. Well, what was I supposed to do, eh? It's one thing to lose, and another to be the very worst. That's that then.
So screw it. I wish I could say that I couldn't care less, but I most certainly could. I guess writing isn't my thing then. All those critiques, all the people who said I was a fair writer, they were lying. I suppose I lied to myself as well, and pushed the thought of being a decent writer into the depths of my mind.
I needed to write this because other writers are some of the only people I feel close to, despite not knowing them personally.
I don't know what'll happen now. I suppose I'll have to forsake it, send them all to hell and find something I'm good at. Here comes another existential crisis, like I haven't had enough of those already... Man, this'll be a fun weekend indeed.
So as a few closing words, screw contests. In fact screw writing as well. Wasted 3 years on it, and that was extremely stupid of me.
Thanks for reading.
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