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Young Writers Society


Under Construction: Need Assistance with a Poetry Collection



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Fri Dec 30, 2016 5:52 pm
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LadySpark says...



Hey y'all!
I'm an oldie and the majority of you probably have no idea who I am, but I used to be pretty active here on YWS. Anyway, I'm back to do some much needed work on some poems before I send them off to be torn apart by publishers that I want to pay me lol. I'm here to get opinions of three things.
1. Flow. I want to know what you think about the flow from poem to poem in this collection. How you think the poems should be organized in the collection.
2. Titles. On all the poems and the collection as a whole. Right now the tentative title of the whole collection is "A Memoir of Contemplative Bedsheets", but I am a title whore and have many others in my brain that I'm considering. If you don't like a title or think it doesn't go with the poem. Please, tell me.
3. The Collection as a whole. I'm not really interested in specific poem critiques, I can get those from reviews and editors, I'm interested in a critique of the Collection as a whole. What sticks out to you? What doesn't work for you? What do you wish you saw more of? Less of? What are your favorite parts?

The poems are organized in a Google Doc, but please put your comments and critiques in this thread so I can keep up with them.

Thank you!

Once again I'd like to stress, I don't want any poem critiques. Some of these poems were written in 2014, they will be edited in due course. Several of the poems are in the middle of being edited, as well. So just look at the collection with a subconscious "UNDER CONSTRUCTION" sign.

Here is the link!
Last edited by LadySpark on Thu Jan 12, 2017 12:48 am, edited 1 time in total.
hush, my sweet
these tornadoes are for you


-Richard Siken


Formerly SparkToFlame
  





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Fri Dec 30, 2016 8:21 pm
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Lauren2010 says...



Sparky!

It's fantastic you're putting together your first collection. That takes a lot of hard work and dedication, so best of luck to you!

A pro-tip as you're working on making a cohesive and satisfying book of poetry is you should 100% be sending individual poems to literary magazines. Every single book of poetry ever published has had a significant portion of the poems within it published individually/in small groups in lit mags, and it makes you a thousand times more marketable to a publisher you might pitch a collection to. Plus it helps you build an audience of people who might buy and read your book someday.

I'll probably return to skulk through the collection (though I am by no means a poetry expert. a poexpert?) but I'm happy to advise re: submitting to literary magazines if you like. <3!
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Fri Dec 30, 2016 8:39 pm
LadySpark says...



@Lauren2010 wonderful advice! One of the magazines I'' submitting to actually want a whole collection, which they pick from, so that': why Imm doing collection while submitting single pieces! Yes, please skulk! You don't have to be an expert to give opinions on flow :)
hush, my sweet
these tornadoes are for you


-Richard Siken


Formerly SparkToFlame
  





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Fri Dec 30, 2016 8:42 pm
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Lauren2010 says...



@LadySpark oooh that's fascinating that a magazine wants a book-length collection to choose from. I guess that must be part of the difference between submitting poetry and submitting fiction. xD Best of luck!!
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Fri Dec 30, 2016 11:47 pm
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CarryOnMrCaulfield says...



I'm going to take a look at this when I can. Great that you've started making an anthology. I'm not sugar coating it when I say that you are definitely one of the best poets on here.
  





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Sat Dec 31, 2016 5:21 am
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Kale says...



If I don't poke at this before the first week of January is through, poke me.
Secretly a Kyllorac, sometimes a Murtle.
There are no chickens in Hyrule.
Princessence: A LMS Project
WRFF | KotGR
  





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Fri Jan 06, 2017 2:41 pm
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LadySpark says...



@Kyllorac pokepokepoke <3
hush, my sweet
these tornadoes are for you


-Richard Siken


Formerly SparkToFlame
  





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Sat Jan 07, 2017 5:01 am
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Kale says...



It's not through yet! I still have less than 24 hours left. >.>
Secretly a Kyllorac, sometimes a Murtle.
There are no chickens in Hyrule.
Princessence: A LMS Project
WRFF | KotGR
  





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Sat Jan 07, 2017 11:42 pm
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Kale says...



Okay, so quick impressions time.

I think "tornadoes, and other things" would make more sense as the initial poem, and I think shifting the first two to just before "a litany of prayers for you" would flow a bit better. Right now, it's a bit confusing as to how many people are involved, and rearranging the poems in that way helps build a narrative about two people and a failed relationship.

I'm not sure if that was your aim with this, though, and if it isn't, do tell me so I can try to find suggestions to better accomplish it. ;P

I also think that "his lips..." and "a history..." could be switched in position to slightly greater impact.

And lastly, I think having "a dictionary" and "recovery; noun" closer together, in that order, would also strengthen the overall narrative of all the poems.

These poems are very clearly related to one another, mainly through shared imagery, and I think it's just a matter of arranging them so that the relations are easier to see via an underlying narrative of sorts.
Secretly a Kyllorac, sometimes a Murtle.
There are no chickens in Hyrule.
Princessence: A LMS Project
WRFF | KotGR
  





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Sat Jan 07, 2017 11:57 pm
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LadySpark says...



Thank you so much, @Kyllorac! <3
hush, my sweet
these tornadoes are for you


-Richard Siken


Formerly SparkToFlame
  








To gain your own voice, you have to forget about having it heard.
— Allen Ginsberg