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Play About Learning Not To Lie/Camping!!!!



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Fri Dec 02, 2016 1:46 am
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Mathy says...



This is an idea I came up with about a group of middle school kids (6th grade) who go camping, and then one of them wants to scare the others and lies about seeing a monster from their story and finding where it lives. They all laugh at first, even the liar. But soon, scary things happen, and even the liar (Jack XD) stats to believe his lie. This eventually leads to the news reporting it, and he had to do something. When the news helicopters are going above the forest, he begins to admit he lied, until they find... ;)


SO FAR:

CALVIN - *A young blond haired blue eyed boy.*
JACK - *A green eyed brown haired 6th grader with a constant grin*
ALEX: - *A navy-blue haired 7th grader; Jack and Calvin's friend from their bus. He has cloudy blue eyes and was born blind, but can hear exceptionally well. He doesn't need an aide, because he can sense the vibrations of things near him very well.*

*Theme music plays*
CALVIN: School's out! Do you know what this means Jack?
JACK: Yep! That means we can begin our camping vaction a Quinnuia Campgrounds! I've been waiting all year.
CALVIN: Let's stay clear of bears this time. We don't Want to run into a bear this time! I don't want to ever go a whole day without eating again!
JACK: *Jack blinked. His face grew nostalgic* Heh. I remember that. We all had to climb trees to avoid the cubs.
*Alex walks onto the stage*
ALEX: I told you not to put honey on sandwiches! They'll only attract more bears.
ZeldaIsSheik
  





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Sat Dec 03, 2016 8:19 pm
Kale says...



Hey there. I'm a bit confused about what you're trying to pitch here, or what you'd like some feedback on. Is it about how we feel about the idea? Things you could include? Or are you just talking about the project itself?

If it's the latter, you can use this thread to organize the links to your parts and include summaries and such for newer readers, and then link this thread at the start of each new part. I find that this works really well for avoiding the lack of reviews from "I haven't read the earlier parts and don't know what's going on" syndrome.

As for what you've teased here, it doesn't really grab me as a start. I think a more effective start would be at the campground during the telling of the story, with the story itself being the framing device. If this is planned as an animation (which it sounds like based on the navy blue hair descriptor), then such a start will leave open the possibility for a very visually-engaging art style to further hook viewers. Even as a physical stage play, such a fantastical opening would leave lots of room for fun special effects and acting.
Secretly a Kyllorac, sometimes a Murtle.
There are no chickens in Hyrule.
Princessence: A LMS Project
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Gender: Male
Points: 3566
Reviews: 223
Sun Dec 04, 2016 1:19 pm
Mathy says...



Thank you! This was exactly the advice I needed! :)
ZeldaIsSheik
  








I say, in matters of the heart, treat yo' self.
— Donna, Parks & Rec