Young Writers Society

I'm just going to jump into this

I've had a story for quite awhile called Seeing is Believing, and I started the idea for the story probably about 3 or 4 years ago (maybe longer), and gradually it's changed and finally evolved into a fantasy world I'm fairly content with.

The problem is that... I just don't really know if it's a very exciting story? I keep getting stuck in the first couple of chapters, constantly rewriting them and changed one or two things, and I haven't really been able to develop it past the first four chapters. And another thing I'm consistently worrying about is being too similar to other fantasy stories and therefore even less interesting.

I have a long description that explains in short the first four chapter, but here's the explanation between three separate characters ( warning, it's long and you only have to read the first one ) ;

Sixteen years ago, Faye had an incident with something that appeared to be a ghost, and had to be taken to the hospital. Since then, she's been tentatively diagnosed with schizophrenia, and has mostly shut everyone out. Now, Faye has started to see things again, and when twins, Baltimore and Bachelor take her to what they claim to be 'an alternate reality', Faye knows there's something she's missed in between the lines.

After his little sister was taken to the hospital when he was five, Alfie has felt disconnected from her ever since. Finally, after sixteen years on and off, Faye has finally started reconnecting with her older brother. But when she has another incident in the library, Alfie knows that something is not right, especially not with all this bloody 'schizophrenia' business that Alfie doesn't believe a lick of. To make matters worse, the morning after Faye has told Alfie what happened in the library, she disappears. Now, Alfie's on a desperate mission to bring home his baby sister, but the world is changing and now, Alfie must find a way to figure out what's real and what's not, and find a way to save Faye before something drastic happens. And time is running out.

His whole life, Rei has been trained to fight and stay alive in the Rift World. Together, with his ragtag team of three other 'Rift Fighters', Dalila and the twins, Baltimore and Bachelor, he has always known how to maintain the spirits that seek to wreak havoc in the Rift World. But suddenly, things start to happen, and their mentor has sent the twins out on their first mission in a separate reality. Retrieve one of the 'Earthlings' and bring her to the Rift World. Now, the team has to work around this new member, who only seems to complicate things more than they need to be. But when the new girl starts seeing Rift Worlders that shouldn't be seen, the strange events that have been threatening the Rift World are starting to make more sense.


I'd really like to hear a response to this. Is it worth continuing? Is it too cliche? Is it 'overdone'? Is it super interesting and I need to start finishing it now? The whole plot line/dimensional rifts haven't been completely ironed out, but they're a lot more solid than before and I know how I want to end it, I just want to know if it's really worth writing.

Thank you for any feedback, I hope you have a lovely day!

The concept itself isn't cliché. I am going to start with that. Alternate realities isn't new, but your small change to it is enough to make it different. I would suggest putting more of a connection between what Faye seeing in our reality and what is happening in the other reality.

Something that I would be extremely cautious about are the characters. It seems like you are going to have three different view points going at the same time. My suggestion is that you switch view points at each chapter so that they are running parallel to each other. Don't head hop. It gets confusing and breaks the illusion of the story.

I would say that this story has merit, at least what I have read about it. So keep at it. Don't get discouraged about rewriting parts over and over. I have rewritten the begins of several of my stories several times until I find what I like.

Is it worth continuing? Absolutely.
Is it too cliche? Not from what I can tell.
Is it 'overdone'? Depends on how you spin it!
Is it super interesting and I need to start finishing it now? That's going to depend on taste.

Honestly, and I know no one likes this answer, it depends entirely on execution and context. There definitely ARE some stories that I can tell from summary alone, they're super cliche and tired--things like Tolkein-esque fantasy set in Western European settings, for example. Your description seems to have plenty to recommend it, and will be YOUR spin on it all. Some of it simply appeals to my tastes (I love mental hospitals and suspected/actual mental illness in characters) that won't appeal to others necessarily. Everyone has those personal topics/settings that they never get tired of seeing, even if a different person would feel it's overdone.

Even if it WERE cliche and overdone, that doesn't mean it's not worth writing. It makes for good practice, and if you're passionate about it, write what you love! Getting used to finishing things is an important step for a writer. Besides, what is it *for*? You? Friends? The world? Can't say there's nothing to gain if you get lots of personal enjoyment out of having written it, even if no one else ever reads it!

I think my biggest caution would not be plot or setting, but character. I think that's your biggest risk for coming off too tropey. All three characters as you described sound a teensy bit too much like common tropes. The girl with special powers who struggles with her identity/sanity and pushes others away; the big brother who's on a mission to find her; the trained fighter native to the other world. I think you have a lot of room to make each of those more unique.

Thank you both for your feedback! (I know I already said that but I feel like I should again anyway)

Addressing @XxXTheSwordsmanXxX's point, yes I'm still trying to work out how the pov's are going to actually work. The chapter pov has changed from just Faye, to Faye and Alfie and at some point I decided to add Rei, but I've never truly wanted to write in Rei's pov and I might end up switching it, so I've still got to play around with all the pov business, but you do bring up a excellent point that I need to stew over some more before I decide and see who I connect with most, and who the story is going to benefit from hearing their own take on events.

And then quickly addressing 'taste' wise, yes, I know I'm not going to please everyone. I just sort of wanted to know feedback on what some people thought of the idea, and you've provided some wonderful thinking points for me. I think I'll end up tossing it into story interviews to try and develop the whole concept farther

As for @Megrim's point about characters, I think that's the part I've been worrying the most over. I really, really don't want the characters to fit into those trope-like personalities and I've desperately been trying to fix it. For Faye's 'special power', it's not really a 'special power' (it's explained in further detail as I write more), but a contribution to how the plot goes in the story.
Yes *sigh* I was planning for it to be a less known Rift Worlder 'power' (if you will, I haven't come up with exact terms for everything), but I imagine the different 'powers' that the 'Rift Fighters' (until I think of a better name) have evolve over time. You'll never have the same combination in a team, and the 'fighters' do not have many numbers, so there's only one team (and I haven't decided whether I want more than one base. Base=team/mentors/workers/etc) as the powers change with the Rift World, so there might be one or two more common powers, but most of them adapt to the Rift World's changes over time. Is that still too tropey? I'd like to know if the explanation helped at all or not. It's really hard to explain without having everything set in stone.

I don't really have any explanation for Alfie, but I definitely keep in mind that. I haven't truly decided what the middle arc of it will be, so Alfie's character process and story is a huge wip right now.

Rei is... an undeveloped character. While I've sort of imagined him as a 'Jace' like character (sorry if you're unfamiliar with the mortal instruments, he's like the rebellious nut who is handsome and everyone loves or hates him), you're comment actually is starting to make me reconsider him. I haven't been very happy with the way Rei's character development has panned out (his personality was actually kind of dumped on Dalila and I can't have two of the same characters), and now I'm actually reconsidering how he'll fit in the story... hmm, you've given me some interesting ideas

thanks guys! I'll definitely take everything under consideration, this has helped me, and I'm probably going to stew things over now. The story is still a major wip, but now I can start ironing out my characters a little more. I think I was still a little stuck with the idea I had when I first started the story and everyone was every more cliche than now, so I'm going to try and look at some of the things in a different perspective.

Feedback is still appreciated!

~inky