z

Young Writers Society


Heroes of Aldrizhon: Book II



User avatar
98 Reviews


Gender: Male
Points: 133
Reviews: 98
Tue Sep 27, 2016 7:39 am
yizhongt says...



Hey everyone, I need some feedback on a blurb I have written for the second book in my Heroes of Aldrizhon series.

Story blurb:
War! The battle for the throne of the kingdom of Britarion continues. Prince Zander Tyzan, the rightful heir continues to attract more freefolk to his cause. But now the young Prince has a new problem- a lack of resources to support his growing army.

When a noble house of moderate power and wealth approach Prince Zander with an offer of an alliance, the young Prince jumps at it. But the young Prince soon learns that every alliance comes with a price.
  





User avatar
1220 Reviews


Gender: None specified
Points: 72525
Reviews: 1220
Wed Sep 28, 2016 6:10 pm
Kale says...



It looks pretty standard, though you're missing a comma after "the rightful heir" and the "approach" should be an "approaches".
Secretly a Kyllorac, sometimes a Murtle.
There are no chickens in Hyrule.
Princessence: A LMS Project
WRFF | KotGR
  








"For a short space of time I remained at the window watching the pallid lightnings that played above Mont Blanc and listening to the rushing of the Arve, which pursued its noise way beneath. The same lulling sounds acted as a lullaby to my too keen sensations; when I placed my head upon my pillow, sleep crept over me; I felt it as it came and blessed the giver of oblivion."
— Mary Shelley, Frankenstein