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Heroes of Aldrizhon: Book II



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98 Reviews


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Tue Sep 27, 2016 7:39 am
yizhongt says...



Hey everyone, I need some feedback on a blurb I have written for the second book in my Heroes of Aldrizhon series.

Story blurb:
War! The battle for the throne of the kingdom of Britarion continues. Prince Zander Tyzan, the rightful heir continues to attract more freefolk to his cause. But now the young Prince has a new problem- a lack of resources to support his growing army.

When a noble house of moderate power and wealth approach Prince Zander with an offer of an alliance, the young Prince jumps at it. But the young Prince soon learns that every alliance comes with a price.
  





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Wed Sep 28, 2016 6:10 pm
Kale says...



It looks pretty standard, though you're missing a comma after "the rightful heir" and the "approach" should be an "approaches".
Secretly a Kyllorac, sometimes a Murtle.
There are no chickens in Hyrule.
Princessence: A LMS Project
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The tools of conquest do not necessarily come with bombs and explosions and fallout. There are weapons that are simply thoughts, attitudes, prejudices; to be found only in the minds of men. For the record, prejudices can kill, and suspicions can destroy. A thoughtless, frightened search for a scapegoat has a fallout all of its own.
— Rod Serling, Twilight Zone