Young Writers Society

Hi!
My name is Rachel, but most people call me Mad.

Here is my first novel excerpt ever. This is for my novel New Haven. Please tell me if it's good or not:

Excerpt
Blue stared into brown and brown stared into blue.
"I'm alive." She spoke, softly. The words barely drifted off her lips. There was a certain darkness in her voice, it ripped and tore at her from the inside, eating up all the light. The years and months of hoping, the nerve he had. But she wanted him even though she knew it would never be the same.

Synopsis
Eloise Lewis, a young high school girl is pushed back to her old town, New Haven to attend the famous boarding school, Ellington Academy. Attending the academy has been a family tradition for generations. But returning for Eloise, means facing the past she had been running from for years. When she gets to Ellington Academy exactly what she feared happened, she met her old best friend, Gabriel again. They both had changed since the last time they saw each other. Eloise learns that change is not always for the best, going against what her mother always said. Eloise has to decide whether meeting him again is fate or a curse while dealing with high school drama.

It is good makes me wonder what happened before that...

@Remy020 Yay! I'm glad. If you want to find out you can read my novel: New Haven: Chapter 1: Waves

I think it's great! I found nothing wrong with the excerpt, but I feel as if the synopsis could use a read over and a few polishes. There are a few missing commas, and some things that don't roll off the tongue that smoothly. I'm not going to be specific, but I would definitely advise a quick edit! Saying it out loud helps a lot - you will actually be able to hear it and see if there's anything wrong.

Thank so much