Once again i am drawn back to this story, and once again i'm dissatisfied with it. i hate to sound vain, but i sort of want this story to be my flagship in my amatuer career (not that i ever plan on going pro), so i keep re reading it and thinking "still too amatuerish". so i've got a question and a chunk of text for anyone interested to read.
the question is, is it harmful to continually revisit a story, especially one that you didn't finish in the first place? i sort of think that this is a never-ending cycle of writing, losing interest, re-examining and rewriting. but i'm compelled to rewrite.
anyway, here's the story so far. i apologize in advance for its length:
Despite his love for war and blood, the soldier lived for only one reason. To protect his family was his self-appointed charge, and his reason for delving into his finely honed craft of killing after burying it for so long.
*Those goddamn animals, the soldier thought with a grimace, grasping his wounded arm which still bled anemically, despite heavy bandaging. Each footfall of the horse below him sent fresh pangs of pain through the soldier's bicep, but that might as well have been in a different world. He had long ago learned to either ignore pain or thrive on it, and since there were nothing to focus his killer instinct on, he chose the former.
*I've never fought such a brutal foe. It's like they fight entirely on instinct.
The soldier grinned grimly.
*Lucky for me most of them couldn't follow their instincts out of a dark room. I must truly be getting soft to let them mark me.
The soldier had been traveling since that afternoon, and it was now halfway to dusk. He had left the battlefield after a throng of barbarians had temporarily overpowered him and managed to gravely wound him. His right arm hung in a sling and would barely move, even with great effort.
The soldier's long goatskin traveling cloak flapped in a light breeze, his short black hair rippling. A muted sound, like a steady mechanical heartbeat droned monotonously from a pack which was seated behind the saddle. In it the soldier's armor rattled in time with the horse's stride.
The plains rolled on for endless acres, and the peace they offered were welcome to the lone rider. He realized his train of thought was becoming a bit disgruntled and switched his focus to something else. It's something he taught himself to do when his daughter was born.
*I miss you, little one. I'll see you soon.
He smiled.
*Karlya.
Lost in thought, the soldier failed to notice a figure leaning against a dead, withering tree on the side of the road about thirty yards ahead. Around the figure, the green grass turned colorless and limp.
*I hope she's been doing alright without me. She's so fragile... but she has her big sister to watch out for her. Thank the gods for Ellyn, she's so good to Karlya. I'm glad we were lucky enough to -
"Heading back already? Had your fill of death, then?"
Startled, the soldier's body tensed and he grasped the hilt of his weapon, a greatsword which hung to the side of his saddle. He quickly acquired where the voice had come from - damn, had he been there all along?
"Identify yourself!" called the soldier, the sudden ruination of his train of thought putting him in a foul mood.
The soldier kicked the sides of his steed and rode up close to the cloaked figure, drawing his greatsword. A hood covered the stranger's face.
"Have you something to say?" spat the soldier.
"Plenty," replied the stranger, "But you're clearly not ready to listen."
The soldier pointed his blade at the stranger's neck, holding it perfectly steady in one hand.
"Show your face or die where you stand."
The stranger looked up at his assailant, who was taken aback by what he saw. It was a mask, long, white and without decoration. Two narrow horizontal slits were placed over the eyes, three vertical ones over the mouth. The soldier saw a light trail of smoke drifting from either eye slit, and a red glow from beneath them. He stared in disbelief, eyes widening.
"I see I have your attention, Adremalech."
"That's... how do you know that name? Answer, demon!"
The stranger grunted laughter. "Or what? You'll slay me single-handedly? I wouldn't be so confident. But enough pleasantries. I'm here to warn you, Adre. You're heading toward your fate at this very moment."
Adre flushed with anger and dismounted in a hurried leap. He approached the stranger and held his blade out behind him, ready to strike.
"I'm going to be the last person you see in this life if you don't start making sense! How do you know my name!?"
"That's unimportant. What is important is that you're going to have to make a choice. You will either damn the world or save it, depending on what you choose."
Adre swung down at the stranger, who knocked the blade away with one armored hand. The greatsword was flung into the distance, leaving Adre defenseless. The stranger stepped forward and grasped the front of Adre's cloak, a heavy, dark gauntlet covering his hand. He lifted Adre off his feet, and the glow beneath the stranger's mask seemed to intensify.
"Listen to me, Adre!", commanded the stranger. "If you choose the dark path, the world as you know it will end. A tidal wave of destruction will consume all that you know. Do you understand?"
Adre nodded, confused. The stranger released him and he flopped to the ground and staggered backward.
"One way or the other, you're going to die tonight. Remember, you must resist the temptation of the dark path. This world depends on it."
The stranger turned and began walking in the opposite direction that Adre had come.
"Wait!", Adre called after him. "What do you mean? What dark path? How will this world end?"
The stranger made no reply. Adre felt no incentive to chase him - he had been overpowered so easily. Instead he gathered his sword, sheathed it and climbed back atop his horse. When he looked back over his shoulder, the stranger was gone.
The asterisks represent where i'm going to add italicization (sp?), since i write on a cell phone notepad app. i'd like your guys' opinions on whether this is a satisfying opening to you. also i'm sure i made some spelling and grammar errors in there, please ignore them.
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