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Young Writers Society


Calling Poets for Help!



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Gender: Female
Points: 830
Reviews: 208
Thu Feb 27, 2014 9:31 pm
rhiasofia says...



Hey guys! I know there's some really great poets here, and I'd like to ask for some help on getting a poem that has been written and published on here done. I wrote it all, then had it pointed out that the first stanza has a rhyme scheme. It was accidental, but I'd like to carry it into the second, tweaking it so it fits as well. It is really personal to me, so I want it to be perfect, which it is far from right now. Feel free to throw any thoughts out here to help me brainstorm, any ideas.

Three

One two three

around a table

cups of tea

untouched, going cold

next to me

my sisters sobbing

faces red

and bodies shaking

memories

their parents making

-

One two three

can't change what they've seen

run away

inside their own heads

sit so close,

they're oh so distant

sad eyed girls

who deserve much more

know this time

will not be the last

So yeah, I'm sure you can see my problem. I have a 3 5 rhythm, which I'm not sacrificing in place of the rhyme. It signifies the three girls, me and my sisters, from a family of five. But, I'm willing to change pretty much anything else in the second stanza to obtain the general gist of it, but with the same rhyme scheme.
Your head is a living forest full of song birds
~E. E. Cummings
  








Very well; I hear; I admit, but I have a voice too, and for good or evil mine is the speech that cannot be silenced.
— Joseph Conrad, Heart of Darkness