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Delta



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59 Reviews



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Points: 2173
Reviews: 59
Wed Jul 18, 2018 5:06 am
SirenCymbaline says...



One-word titles don't give you a lot to go off, but I would have assumed it had something to do with space. Maybe. Greek words are used for practically everything in fiction nowadays, so it's hard to be confident about what it might mean. But for some reason or other, Delta makes me think about stars.

I love the descriptions, they're what made me subscribe to this thread in the first place. I like sci fi action, I haven't seen a scifi romcom yet but I would like to, and making them space lesbians and including disability just makes it more memorable. I like seeing things I haven't seen yet, and this is indeed something I haven't seen yet.
(Also I don't know anything at all about NYC, so I'm curious how seeing NYC as a planet holds up in keeping the interest of an unfamiliar foreigner.)

The involvement of the different societies isn't that clear yet, but I'm keeping in mind the fact that there's only one short chapter at the moment.
I mean, there's the descriptions, which are good, but nobody's gonna give themselves a refresher on them before reading a chapter every time a new one comes out, so the bits of it that matter are gonna have to be worked into the story itself. But you know, basic stuff you were probably doing anyway. I'll try to avoid lecturing you about that.


For now I'd say the prime attractor to this series is the novelty of the premise (scifi romcom lesbian with aliens and action and NYC as a planet) and all you need to do to make it work long term is good solid world and character building. I'm confident in the character descriptions I saw, looks like you know what you're doing there. I'm interested in seeing more of how the'll play out in practice.
And then there's worldbuilding, which I'm looking forward to. Though again, I'm unfamiliar with the place, so keep that in mind if I get confused about something every kid in America knows.

As for what you asked about people objecting to the types of characters you made, I don't think anyone should have objections, but I can't help but wonder why you felt compelled to ask that. Are you confident in your ideas?

I'll try give some feedback on the actual chapter as well.
I really liked the details of the car being an amalgam of an old car and a new one, I like how Harry's dark colours are kind of more conspicuous than Robe's neon.

One thing I'd like more clarification on is Harry's amphibian biology. I know she has legs, but what are they like? I don't have a clear understanding of what the human-to-fishperson ratio of her amphibian-ness is, so I don't understand just how much this affects her life.

Welp hope that was helpful

seeya later
  





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Thu Jul 19, 2018 12:27 pm
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LordWolf says...



@SirenCymbaline thank you so much for the feedback and questions.

Part of the deal that comes with the amphibian biology, is that she can't support herself without braces on land. Harry still does better than most others of her species, since she's lived on the world above for most of her life and Tanis didn't have much in the way of swimming pools.

In the planning that I did of physical descriptions, females of the species had dark blue skin. There overall form was much like that of a human's but depending on how much time they had spent in the water, would have shaped the webbings on their feet, hands and legs. And then time spent in that perfect habitat also influences if they can breath through the water or not.
[Which Harry tries at in a later chapter and manages but not for very long.]

The idea of the society they came from was that males and females were separated, land and sea, and then there was a revolution. So Harry was adopted as an orphan by the human army commander and his wife.

I'm kind of rambling now but basically:
- her feet aren't structured right for walking on land
- and also her legs aren't structured right for walking on land
- due to the lungs situation, she has trouble breathing
- telekinetic powers that come from how far the water society on Nerot advanced

I'm also like never confident in my ideas and a lack of reviews was really making me panic. I know this a story that takes a particular type of audience so I was just worried that perhaps YWS wasn't the right place.
  





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Fri Jul 20, 2018 4:30 pm
LordWolf says...



Week 4 Planning

Chapter 3 (wk 4) is currently set at a goal of 2500 words. (So it will be split into 2 parts.)

It's a flashback and it takes place 5 years ago, in the warehouse that just got torched. So obviously Roth and Marrow die and it's seen that Harry and Jud are called into the warehouse to negotiate new contracts.

That opens up for a bit more worldbuilding and backstories for these 2 main characters.
- Ita is present so her relationship with Harry is mentioned.
- Harry leaving Nerot is mentioned.
- Harry being a Federal Intelligence agent is mentioned.
- Just starting to tie in the character profiles.

So for anyone staying tuned to what's happening, this is what to expect for next week.

1. mob hit in vivid color
2. family meeting
3. harry inherits the business
4. harry begins a relationship with will because it's the night they schedule a date for christmas eve
  





User avatar
711 Reviews



Gender: None specified
Points: 16700
Reviews: 711




User avatar
711 Reviews



Gender: None specified
Points: 16700
Reviews: 711




User avatar
711 Reviews



Gender: None specified
Points: 16700
Reviews: 711
Fri Aug 31, 2018 2:39 pm
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LordWolf says...



This week in Delta:

- catch all the references i've thrown in there
--> if you successfully find everything, i'll give you 50 points.

- if you read, talk to me about what you think of the plot.
--> if you want to make guesses about what's happening, please do. i love to have that feedback.

- leo
--> he's a main character now
--> feedback on this specifically please
  





User avatar
711 Reviews



Gender: None specified
Points: 16700
Reviews: 711




User avatar
711 Reviews



Gender: None specified
Points: 16700
Reviews: 711




User avatar
711 Reviews



Gender: None specified
Points: 16700
Reviews: 711




User avatar
711 Reviews



Gender: None specified
Points: 16700
Reviews: 711




User avatar
711 Reviews



Gender: None specified
Points: 16700
Reviews: 711




User avatar
711 Reviews



Gender: None specified
Points: 16700
Reviews: 711
Mon Dec 03, 2018 5:35 pm
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LordWolf says...



Story Questions

It's that time of year again when the plot is starting to go places but only two people are reading, so I am getting bummed about LMS. For all of you people who love your novels and love that so many people love you and the novels, look out to the rest of us for a second struggling to find one review and not have twenty chapters waiting in the green room.

So I think I might actually have three readers if I'm being generous to myself and these questions just exist because I want to know what y'all think about these happenings.

1. What do you think of young Harry? What do you think of classic adventurer inspired Harry?
a. Is she too much in general?
b. What kind of person do you think she is?

2. Will.
Just Will.
Don't need to comment.

3. Thoughts on the overall plot? I know it was a bit hectic but now that I have the nice detective serial vibe going, I personally think it coming together.

4. Thoughts? Questions? Concerns?
  





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Tue Dec 04, 2018 7:25 am
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fraey says...



OK, so I read the last couple of chapters (haven't reviewed yet though) so I could give you some answers to these questions, as everyone deserves feedback.

1. Young Harry seemed like a sensible enough character, especially with all of the awful things that have *already happened to her, poor girl* and I thought it was interesting to get a piece from that young of an age.

a) She isn't too much - even with her being 17 (?-ish I think) anyone is deserving of an anger like that, especially that fact of her younger sister being radicalized by racist humans which (ugh humans are the worst) so I liked her viewpoint.

b) I think that Harry at this time of her life is a good enough person, in finding it hard to outright hate her biological mother and her family members, but also recognizing it's not her fault for the awful situation her sister is in. I think she's coming into her own ideas and how the world should work, which non-racist people should be a must.

2. Will is lovely and I love her and Harry loves her and I love that Harry loves her because they are great. I'm curious to learn more about Will in any aspect really since I'm interested in how her past can also factor into her and Harry's dynamic.

3. I think the plot is definitely exciting and I like getting some of the detective/working vibes later in this story, connecting with the beginning of this story. I'm very excited to see where this is going.

4. So, Leo is an interesting character and I like him and I basically like all of your characters - Glenn is an interesting read as well from his own history with Harry, especially with them both being frozen and literal hundreds of years ago.

Overall, this story is great - (even though I get no Godfather references because I've never watched the movies oops) and you're great. I'll try to catch up to your new chapter by the end of this week as I need a break from school too lol.
also concord/killeham/perks.
farewell, once, amidst a wave.
  





User avatar
711 Reviews



Gender: None specified
Points: 16700
Reviews: 711




User avatar
711 Reviews



Gender: None specified
Points: 16700
Reviews: 711







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