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The Confessional



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Sat Sep 18, 2010 8:53 pm
The Confessional says...



I care too much what people think. More than most people, I know. Because who takes it to such a level as I do?

When I'm around my family, I'm afraid to show my true self. They know I write -- though I didn't tell them -- and they know I go on this site, but every time someone walks by I click on my Facebook tab because it's easier just to do that. It's easier than to explain myself.

When I'm with my friends -- my best friends, not fake friends -- I'm afraid to give my opinion on much more than books. Even music, I rarely show disdain for. When we talk about things that are semi-serious, mostly I just agree with what they say because, really, do they want me to disagree? To tell them they are being too extreme?

Most times I'd rather be alone than with them. If they exclude me in something -- unless it's something they know I really want to do -- I say I don't really care... and I don't. If they ask first I say I don't care... and I don't. And they know this. They know I'm going to say that.

When it comes to anyone -- friends, not friends, best friends -- I don't like feeling poor, like most don't. Not that I'm poor, per se, but I like to have as much and as nice things as my friends. Everyone does.

But the odd thing is, I also don't like having more. I don't like having nicer, newer, just better things. Because I feel like they'll think me conceited if I have better things. Or they'll resent me for having more.

I don't want to stand out. I don't want to be dumb, stupid, naive, or in any way inferior -- but I don't want to be superior. I don't want to be smarter, get better grades, be better at sports or school or anything like that. I want to be exactly like everyone else when it comes to things like that.

If someone were to compare my writing with a friend's -- any friend's -- I wouldn't mine to be worse, but I wouldn't want it to be better, either. To spare their feelings? Maybe. I don't really know. Maybe it's because I don't want people to think I'm arrogant or that I think I'm better than them. Because I don't. In fact, I feel so inferior in almost every aspect compared to almost any one, or at least those whom I care about their opinion's.

I sometimes wonder what my friends truly think about me. I sometimes wonder if they ever talk about me, and what they would say. But I also don't want to know; what if I don't like the answer?

I'm even afraid to post this here; what if someone realized it was me? Then what would they think...?
'It is the confession, not the priest, that gives us absolution.'
- Oscar Wilde
  





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Sat Sep 18, 2010 9:36 pm
Prokaryote says...



Creepiest thread on YWS.
  





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Sat Sep 18, 2010 11:02 pm
Jas says...



^ xD
I am nothing
but a mouthful of 'sorry's, half-hearted
apologies that roll of my tongue, smoothquick, like 'r's
or maybe like pocket candy
that's just a bit too sweet.

~*~
  





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Sun Sep 19, 2010 10:04 pm
The Confessional says...



So...I think of you all the time. I think of you when I should, shouldn't, and in ways that are both lovingly and grotesque. I love you, and I hate you sometimes. You're the only one that I would die for. I almost died for. When you left me for her I tried to kill myself. No one knows that. I hate myself for that. that will forever be my deepest and darkest secret. Everyday I consider cutting. Every day. You introduced me to it because I helped you stop. I convinced you to quit. Now I can't go a day without wishing I could do it and not be patronized for it. WHen I took you back, I wasn't sure if it was a good idea. I am in love with you, you know that. You piss me off, you make me so happy. I can't decide. I will never leave you, but please, just know that, no, I'm not mad. I'm simply scared. Scared of our lives and our futures. Please save me. Save me save me save me save me. Don't just look at me and tell me it will be okay. Never do that. Never again. You said that once...I believed you. That didn't turn out so well, did it?
'It is the confession, not the priest, that gives us absolution.'
- Oscar Wilde
  





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Mon Sep 20, 2010 5:16 am
Jas says...



Is it weird that I go through these when I'm bored and think of story lines that fit with the confession? xD

~Jazz Master XD 101
I am nothing
but a mouthful of 'sorry's, half-hearted
apologies that roll of my tongue, smoothquick, like 'r's
or maybe like pocket candy
that's just a bit too sweet.

~*~
  





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Gender: None specified
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Mon Sep 20, 2010 5:46 am
Prokaryote says...



Yeah it's weird.
  





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Mon Sep 20, 2010 6:06 am
Jas says...



I thought so.

~Jazzy Jazz Jazz who can't play Jazz
I am nothing
but a mouthful of 'sorry's, half-hearted
apologies that roll of my tongue, smoothquick, like 'r's
or maybe like pocket candy
that's just a bit too sweet.

~*~
  





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Mon Sep 20, 2010 5:14 pm
alwaysawriter says...



I don't think so, Jasmine. It's actually sort of a good idea. :)
Meshugenah says to (18:12:36):
Kat's my new favorite. other than Sachi.

WWJD: What Would Jabber Do?
  





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Mon Sep 20, 2010 5:38 pm
Jas says...



I've come up with some really awesome ideas by reading these but I feel sort of creepy. Like I'm writing a story based on someone's diary, lol.
I am nothing
but a mouthful of 'sorry's, half-hearted
apologies that roll of my tongue, smoothquick, like 'r's
or maybe like pocket candy
that's just a bit too sweet.

~*~
  





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Tue Sep 21, 2010 1:35 pm
Day says...



Every great story is inspired by something in real life, but I think that everyone should stop commenting on this thread. Posibly make a new one if you want to discuss things, but this one is solely for confessions.
"If the king doesn't lead, how can he expect his subordinates to follow?"
  





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Thu Oct 07, 2010 6:43 am
The Confessional says...



I like you but I'm not sure if I actually like you or like you because I want to be accepted. I don't know you very well and vice versa and there's a lot of feelings that could get damaged and friendships whiped away if we do begin to have a relationship or the relationship fails. Is it worth all of it? I think so but maybe you don't. The fact that I don't know you really doesn't help any. If you'd just talk to me, it'd be great, because I'm nervous about talking to you.
'It is the confession, not the priest, that gives us absolution.'
- Oscar Wilde
  





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Thu Oct 07, 2010 7:08 am
MeanMrMustard says...



Prokaryote wrote:Creepiest thread on YWS.


I nominate this for Post of the Year. Now that I've seen this, it makes me wonder how there isn't a black-hole forming from the collective turmoil. Some of the emotion in here is much more heartfelt than any of the writing I've seen so far on the site, though. :wink:
  





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Thu Oct 07, 2010 7:21 am
The Confessional says...



I like you more than you would ever think. Maybe because it's just me... You hurt me so much, even though you don't know it. But I enjoy the pain that you cause.
'It is the confession, not the priest, that gives us absolution.'
- Oscar Wilde
  





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Thu Oct 07, 2010 8:06 am
The Confessional says...



I know I have problems. I even think that sometimes they are good. I feel good when I do things, which I know are disturbing and weird. But I can't stop...

I'm more scared of getting help, than having the problems...

I know people think I'm weird, and I even do things to make them know I am...
'It is the confession, not the priest, that gives us absolution.'
- Oscar Wilde
  





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Thu Oct 07, 2010 8:10 am
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The Confessional says...



I like cheese. A lot.
'It is the confession, not the priest, that gives us absolution.'
- Oscar Wilde
  








constant state of confuzzle
— Quillfeather