Young Writers Society

Something my dad brought home from work...I loved it. I'm not sure who the author is, but there's more I can post if you want it - let me know.

***

Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, with aren't sweet, are meat.

We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

Why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth?

One goose, two geese. One moose, two meese? One index, two indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not just one amend, that you comb through annals of history but not a single annal?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.

In what language to people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? How can overlook and oversee be opposites, while quite a lot and quite a few are alike?

Where are all those people who are spring chickens or who would actually hurt a fly? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which an alarm goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race (which is, of course, not a race at all).

That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible. However, when the lights are out, they are invisible. Why, when I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up this essay, I end it?

Rofl, that's so true!! English language really is crazy!

That was fantastic! I love it! Its so funny how you don't even think about those things! Nice one.


~Pol~

Heeheheehehehehhe. So true, so true! And let us not forget that wise new proverb:

"English follows others languages down dark alleys, knocks them down and goes through their pockets for spare grammar."

Lmao! I suppose this is an example of why English is one of the hardest languages to learn as a second language.