Young Writers Society

This is unbelievable.

A reluctant panda is being shown pornography in the hope it will get him in the mood to mate.

Chuang Chuang, aged six, who resides at the Chiang Mai Zoo in Thailand, has been shown smutty footage in the hope he'll finally consummate his two-year-old "marriage" Lin Hui, aged five.

Sophon Dumnui from the zoo said: "We trained him to see footage and to listen to the sound for 15 minutes a day, and we've shown him the footage for a week now.

"He's learned a little bit but hasn't yet fully understood. When he heard the sound he showed some interest. We will train him for one more week."

Full story here http://www.itv.com/news/world_c073d24eab1b030064e79c91a0c45772.html

Animal rights activists called for the killing of the Chuang Chuang, claiming that the smut was humiliating the Panda, and that "Death is better than immorality."

Pope Benedict issued a statement, saying that the marriage was performed by a Roman Catholic Panda, so it is in fact, moral.

The Activists in turn called Pope Benedict "a silly old guy with a funny hat."

Moveon.org claimed the Panda will not have intercourse until American Troops leave Iraq. They accused President Bush of sending American Panda Porn to Thailand in order to thwart Chuang Chuang's political protest, and in retaliation, they called for people to send panda porn to their nearest member of congress.

President Bush, talking about Chuang Chuang, said that the American people should be patient, saying "This will take a long time, but Chuang Chuang will succeed, and we must stay the course until he does."

"The addition of more CO2 in the atmosphere will increase global warming," former Vice President Al Gore said at an anti-Panda protest. "If the panda survives, it will breathe air, and produce more CO2. It doesn't seem like much, but in a hundred years, the sea level will increase three inches!"

Shamu, the famous Orca, supported keeping the Panda alive.

"Hey, global warming won't affect me much. I'm looking forward to swimming around New York."

I wonder if it's human porn? Cos I can't really see that helping.

There's gotta be an easier way to get them to mate - maybe we could teach the female pandas how to lap dance? XD

Have they forgotten about Pand-agra?

Griffinkeeper and Misterwaffles XD

But all of the concerns should be subservient to one thing - were all the pandas involved over 18?

Actually, pandas are possibly the worst species in the world mating-wise. I read one story about keepers having to use vibrators on the male pandas to stimulate them to ejaculate while copulating, otherwise they just got bored and wandered off without finishing the job.

Wow... amusing and disturbing mental images galore...

Pandas, porn, and vibrators - oh my!

HAHAHAHA/ That is so amusing. Vibrators and porn used on a panda. Weird!

I've heard that story before, and I'm sure it's panda porn they use. It makes more sense anyway, as the sounds a human will make would be different from those of a panda, and so not much of a turn-on.

I suppose.

Lol!

-Kaz

I think the zookeepers might just be using it as an excuse to watch porn. XD

cadmium, I doubt it. I mean, how exciting can panda pr0n be for a human being? (Unless that's you're thing, in which case ... no comment.)

I wonder if wild pandas are this uninterested in reproducing, or if it's a symptom of captivity? (Can they artificially inseminate female pandas?)