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Bush Cuts Off Diplomatic Relations With Congress

WASHINGTON, DC—President Bush announced Monday that his administration will permanently sever ties with the democratically controlled United States Congress, ending a nearly 220-year-old alliance between the two governmental branches.
Enlarge Image Bush Cuts

"Our administration no longer recognizes the authority of this rogue body," said Bush in a televised Oval Office address. "Clearly, these combative men and women have a political agenda in direct opposition to our own. They have no concern for my national interests, and have left me no choice."

After six years of cordial relations between the executive and legislative branches of government, tensions flared up in January when Congress came under the control of "hostile new leadership." After a dramatic standoff last week over American policy in Iraq, the president openly denounced Congress, refused to accept calls from majority leaders, and returned Congress–approved legislation unsigned and unread.

In addition to his decision to cut off all communication, collaboration, and trade of ideas with the House and Senate, Bush also issued an executive order, effective immediately, removing all White House officials from the U.S. Capitol. Most prominent among those recalled was Vice President Dick Cheney, who also serves as the President of the Senate several days per year. Cabinet members who had been giving testimony before Congressional committees were quickly ushered to the roof of the Senate wing of the Capitol, where they boarded Marine One, the presidential helicopter, and were flown back to the White House.

For those who don't know, The Onion is a satirical news magazine. The above article is just a joke; it did not happen.

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