The thing with her is that she isn't consistent. We'll be talking to each other like friends one minute, and the next she's telling me about how she's always so sad and she wants to die. Then she tells me that I don't have the emotions to understand her. I always continue to be her friend, of course, because she means more to me than anyone else I know. Still, I can't keep the weight of her words off my back. The way she exists, she makes me feel guilty for feeling any hint of sadness. So I write crappy poetry about it instead of telling her.
Spoiler! :
I know it's stupid. I know it's stupid. I just can't help it. Being with her when she's sad makes me feel like crap.
She's sad most of the time.
Tonight, I voiced an opinion with her. It was my own fault. I told her how she makes me feel. She got angry, so I quickly apologized and told her to forget the whole incident. Stupid me. I know she couldn't forget. Suddenly we argued about how I'm not real with her, and it's hurting her. Except, the entire conversation began with me being real to her. She threatened to kill herself. I'm scared she might choose tonight, because of me. Because I'm stupid. Because I always want to be the victim and can't accept when someone has it worse than me. She tells me I never write from experience because I've never felt pain, and she's right. I've never felt anything like she feels.
Basically, I am in pieces right now. I wanted someone to talk to, but the chat bar is gone and even if it was still here, nobody wants to be randomly messaged with this. I had to get this off my chest. Sorry to post it in the Lounge. I know this place is meant for fun stuff.
I can't talk to my best friend about my best friend. I just need to know if someone is in the same boat as me. How did you handle it?
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