Young Writers Society

My best friend of many years suffers from Borderline Personality Disorder. I don't want to list off all of the symptoms right now because I am possibly in the most distraught mood I have ever been in since she was diagnosed. Basically, she threatens to kill herself often. She has attempted several times.

The thing with her is that she isn't consistent. We'll be talking to each other like friends one minute, and the next she's telling me about how she's always so sad and she wants to die. Then she tells me that I don't have the emotions to understand her. I always continue to be her friend, of course, because she means more to me than anyone else I know. Still, I can't keep the weight of her words off my back. The way she exists, she makes me feel guilty for feeling any hint of sadness. So I write crappy poetry about it instead of telling her.

I know it's stupid. I know it's stupid. I just can't help it. Being with her when she's sad makes me feel like crap.

She's sad most of the time.

Tonight, I voiced an opinion with her. It was my own fault. I told her how she makes me feel. She got angry, so I quickly apologized and told her to forget the whole incident. Stupid me. I know she couldn't forget. Suddenly we argued about how I'm not real with her, and it's hurting her. Except, the entire conversation began with me being real to her. She threatened to kill herself. I'm scared she might choose tonight, because of me. Because I'm stupid. Because I always want to be the victim and can't accept when someone has it worse than me. She tells me I never write from experience because I've never felt pain, and she's right. I've never felt anything like she feels.

Basically, I am in pieces right now. I wanted someone to talk to, but the chat bar is gone and even if it was still here, nobody wants to be randomly messaged with this. I had to get this off my chest. Sorry to post it in the Lounge. I know this place is meant for fun stuff.

I can't talk to my best friend about my best friend. I just need to know if someone is in the same boat as me. How did you handle it?

I'm sorry. That sounds like a really tough situation, and I can relate to parts of it. I have mental health issues and my friend is diagnosed bipolar but also has borderline traits. In my case, I have physical distance between us, but I've still felt emotionally responsible for her. The truth is, I'm not. I can offer support and advice, but ultimately she will make her own choices and it's not my fault.

I'm assuming she has a therapist since she has a diagnosis. If not, I would strongly encourage her to get one. If she does, I would encourage her to be open and honest with them. If she's really bad and needs immediate help, there's suicide hotlines where she can talk to someone better trained to handle this stuff than you.

In general, it's important to set boundaries that allow you to be supportive but also take care of yourself. For example, one of the problems I've had with my friend is that she texts late at night when I need to sleep. To combat this, I told her that I'm putting my phone on do not disturb after a certain time and I will not respond after that. A time based boundary might also work in your situation, like limiting talking about problems to a certain hour. You might want to Google more about codependency and setting boundaries since I am not explaining this well.

I do hope you find some solutions and she can get the treatment she needs.

Hi. Im sorry that your going throught that. I have mental illness, too. I have it sever, but i'm on medication now. The medication helps a lot.

My beet advice would be to see a theripist. Theripist are great with working thing out. And setting boundries is good/nessary for any relationship.

I congradulate you on being her friend! Please stay that way! Keep being her friend! She needs you! Remmber, mental illness is an illness.it's a biological brain illness, and nothing else. It is a medical probleam, allways remember that. After all, it's so beatiful/the right thing to do to/to stay with somone who is disabled/ill. They need you, and you need them. Please keep being there for her. Please! She's ill, and it's not fair to her. She diserves love and compasson like everyone else. I bet she wants somone to be their for her. I bet other people may have left her due to her illness.

Yes, i'm only 23 and I have mutiple disabilites. Yes, i have had people 'dump me' because of my illness. Like everyone, I want to find somone who will love and accept me. So far, it's been hard.

The point is, please keep being their for her. In all honisty, I wish somone did that for me.

What your friend is doing to you is not okay, and you need to realise that she is guilt-tripping you. I know she's going through a rough patch, maybe always is, but that does not justify the way she's treating you.

You are not stupid. You have most certainly felt pain- when a person tries to make you feel bad because you haven't had as crappy life as them supposedly, yes, it's a good idea to count your blessings, but what they're doing is throwing a pity-party. I'm not saying she doesn't experience depression, and it doesn't consume her- I'm sure it does, but it's not okay for her to rip you apart for expressing your feelings and concerns.

If she tells you she's going to kill herself, tell her parents or teacher or other adult that is very close to her- it might feel like you're betraying her, but trust me, you are not. Sometimes when people talk about suicide - most times actually - it's a cry for help. You might not think they'll go through with it, but that doesn't mean they don't need help ASAP, and who really knows?

I know what it's like to have a friend that makes you worry night and day- it's no picnic, and I wish I could give you a hug, TheStormAroundMe! :/ It also is hard loving someone that makes you feel bad a lot.

My PM box is always open. <3

Thank you all for your advice. I really appreciate it.

Hi, I realise this was a while ago, but I have been in your exact boat.

I too have a close friend with Borderline Personality Disorder. One minute she's telling me I'm wonderful for listening to her, the next insinuating that I'm part of society's problem when I haven't heard of some underground band or comedian.

One night, she messaged me saying "i hate everyone" and I responded (I know this was stupid) "hello to you too...". She asked me why I was being passive aggressive and, well, I'd just had enough. I said I wasn't being passive, I was being straight up aggressive. I'm not just a soundboard.

Then she started going on about how people always say it's hard for them to be around her and how that was utter bull**** and I was just inwardly screaming and I think I replied "It f***ing is hard for me!" and it just got worse and worse.

It sort of cooled down, but I wouldn't say it resolved. She knew how I felt, and she didn't talk to me for a while.

We've recently got back in contact and she's been so, so much better with it. Although once she did call me at 1am but it was cos her partner's mum had been really homophobic and she apologised several times for calling me so late.

I'm not saying she's better. I can still see her symptoms. But she's got much better at talking to me. (Also she has a partner now so I guess she talks to them too).

Anyway, I don't know if purposefully getting into a fight with your friend would be a good idea, but I just want to assure you that your friend is still there. Maybe some day say you're too busy to talk, or tell her that you've had a hard day and you won't be much use at supporting her. You are totally within your rights to do this. I really, really hope you understand that.

I would never put this on the site because it's quite personal but I hope it might show you that you are not alone, as, to be perfectly honest, you have sort of just done for me. http://biscuitsleguin.writerfeedpad.com/90

Hope this helps,
Biscuits