z

Young Writers Society


Emotions: how to show, not tell?



Random avatar


Gender: None specified
Points: 270
Reviews: 18
Mon Nov 25, 2013 1:30 am
shulchan says...



I'm writing a short story where emotions are really running high- there's a lot of situations where the main character is scared and/or angry. But there's only so many ways I can think of to describe these emotions, and most of them are pretty cliche and unoriginal. For instance I can write about how "her heart pounds in fear, and she lies cowering on the floor" or something equally boring, but I don't think this really captures the essence of the emotion.

So anyway, I've been hearing the phrase "show, don't tell" a lot lately, and I've been itching to try. One problem: I'm not really sure how to do it, especially with emotions. I mean, there's only so many ways you can describe the "symptoms" of anger or fear.

so if anyone can give any advice on this, I'd really appreciate it.
  





User avatar
1272 Reviews



Gender: Other
Points: 89625
Reviews: 1272
Mon Nov 25, 2013 3:36 am
View Likes
Rosendorn says...



1- Pick the body language that matches the character! While the hormones that cause emotion tend to be the same, the expression can be very different among persons. For example, I tend to snap and get apparently terrifying. Meanwhile, other people break down into tears and maybe want to punch people. It helps change up the variety.

2- Get really good at nuances. Little fluctuations in mood can be huge indicators of how the person's emotions are going to progress.

3- Know you don't have to constantly say what the emotions are; you only have to say them when they're changing or have fluctuated in level.

4- Use your environment. The way you describe the situation and the way others react can be a big indication for how they're feeling. This article goes into more detail.

Hope this helps!
A writer is a world trapped in a person— Victor Hugo

Ink is blood. Paper is bandages. The wounded press books to their heart to know they're not alone.
  





User avatar
560 Reviews



Gender: None specified
Points: 30438
Reviews: 560
Wed Dec 04, 2013 5:36 pm
Tenyo says...



Ah, the age old conundrum.

I find it really helps to think of it in real world terms, and how actions sometimes have a lot more impact than words. Also, just like humour and likability, it's more of a sense than a set of rules. Once you figure out how it works, it's not too hard.

For example, Jack and his identical twin brother Allen have had a bit of a spat. Jack broke Allen's water pistol, the shiny blue one he got for their birthday. He could tell Jack that he's ticked off by walking up to him and saying 'Jack you're a big ugly snot face, I never want to see you again if it's the last thing I do.'

Or he could show Jack that he's ticked off, by waiting until night time. That's when he's going to get the kitchen scissors and cut off Jacks hair just to show how not-look-alike they are. Then he's going to pack up all his important stuff (toothbrush, computer games, teddy bear, and the broken remains of the water pistol) and run away- but not before he leaves a present on Jacks pillow- fresh and warm from straight up his nose.

You could tell your reader that the twins mother is beautiful by saying 'Mary was a beautiful woman, and looked pretty even when she cried' or you could show it by saying 'she was the kind of woman you'd look at and your eyes would linger for a second too long, even with red, tearless eyes there was something raw and captivating about her.'

Once you get the hang of it, you can use it in really creative ways. For example; 'When Mary told Luke that their son had run away, his face turned scarlet with anger. He slammed the spatula onto the worktop and stormed out the room. He was half way down the street, driving bare-footed and scouring every inch of the road, before the eggs on the frying pan had even started to burn.'

In this the reader has been told that he is angry, but it shows that the root of that anger is not with Jack, it's with the worry for Allen that makes him walk straight out the door so blindly.

Does that make sense? I've got some old articles that I could dig out and fix up that would go into more detail. Generally though a keen eye and a bit of practice will get you better, and it's a really important skill to learn.

Feel free to PM me with any questions.
We were born to be amazing.
  





Random avatar


Gender: None specified
Points: 270
Reviews: 18
Fri Dec 06, 2013 12:27 am
View Likes
shulchan says...



thanks, guys! That was really helpful! :D
  








A non-writing writer is a monster courting insanity.
— Franz Kafka