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Damsel in Distress



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Mon Jul 08, 2013 3:31 pm
Krani says...



So..I am a sucker for cliches, and presently I am writing a story in which the the female protagonist is being assaulted by a drunk stranger, and the male protagonist comes in time to save her.

So the last I wrote was her staring at his back as he stood in front of her protectively.

Now, I am confused as to how to pen down the scene from there on.

Both the characters are not in love; the man has feelings for the girl, but the girl does not. Both have trust issues, however they are just starting to learn how to trust each other and be civil to each other.

The guy is an angry type of a man, however he has started controlling his anger around the girl, and the girl is now starting to understand him better.
Oh and they are married :P

So pretty much all cliches rolled into one :P

Any tips?

I wanted a scene in which the girl (K) steps up to the guy (A) and begs him to leave the drunk man alone and to leave cause she fears for their safety.
In a realistic scenario, this is what I imagine would happen...if a guy stepped up to beat up someone else, a person would intervene and ask them to leave it and forget about it.

Except...I am really unable to pen down the part properly. I have written several drafts of it, and I am unhappy with each.

I want to get the anger of A across, but at the same time I want to get his concern for K mingled in as well. Also for K, I want her concern, relief, fear everything being shined through.

I don't know how to do this -_- *headdesk*

If I have posted the wrong kind of question on this forum, I apologise :P

Thanks for your help in advance! :)
  





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Tue Jul 09, 2013 2:43 am
Rosendorn says...



... Okay, let me try to get this straight.

You have a girl and a guy. The guy has feelings for the girl, but the girl doesn't return them, they're only just starting to trust each other, and they're married?

Explaining how in the world they got to develop such a relationship would be incredibly beneficial to being able to help you write the scene. But I have some advice in general.

First off: Why does this girl need a guy to protect her from said creep? Why can she not protect herself? And yes it is possible to do. There are various methods that range from leaving the bar, calling the bouncer, a verbal takedown, to punching and handbag thwacking. The effectiveness of these methods are determined by the sobriety and physical strength of the woman.

Second: Why is it a guy? What are his motivations for it? Why is it not a random girl or a non love interest friend? Women very often go to the bar in groups, often all-female, unless they're actively looking for a date in which case they're more likely to break away from said group to not be intimidating.

Third: In general think about your scene from the woman's point of view. Are you reducing her to a prize for the guy to save, in the double edged sword that implies she has somebody to care for her but that she is unable to save herself? Will she get angry at this guy for stepping in when she could've handled herself? Is her personally completely defined around the fact that she is in love with the guy?

One thing female characters in a relationship often fall prey to is the idea they are these things that need to be saved. Not people— things. Objects. They exist for the purpose of being saved for no reason other than to prove how good the hero is.

There's nothing wrong with sappy fluff so long as you've established there's either something about the person that prevents them from standing on their own (ie- somebody who's so drunk they can't be logical, or somebody in the process of a breakdown) or a very valid reason they can't (ie- imprisonment is justified and the hero is too law-abiding to break out). This shows a natural character who can't be strong all the time.

But some characters are weak all the time, reducing them to pure passivity and no active role in the plot, and the most common group to get hit with this is women.

So if you're going to use this cliche, please make it justified. Please give your female character agency. Please treat it as more than "this guy loves her so much he's protecting her!" because the other side of that coin is "the girl doesn't even get a chance to save herself."

Take the time to figure out how the female character would take this. Annoyed? Relieved? Enraged? Indifferent? Dreading the barfight that she figures is coming?

Even a character being saved can have different reactions to being saved than "thrilled". All depending on their personality, previous experience, and the severity of the situation.

But don't just grab the cliche because it's "cute". It can be, if handled well, but sometimes it very much isn't. Sometimes it turns a perfectly good character, a person, into an object to watch her saviour work she could do herself (in theory), but that she isn't doing because she's a girl and absolutely needs a guy to protect her.

In reality, you need a reason she needs protecting. Otherwise, she should be doing it herself.
A writer is a world trapped in a person— Victor Hugo

Ink is blood. Paper is bandages. The wounded press books to their heart to know they're not alone.
  





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Tue Jul 09, 2013 6:45 am
Krani says...



No, the female character is not weak, and she is not someone to just lie there and say "Save me, Romeo"

The cliche is kinda needed to drive the story forward. She does defend herself, however she is in a secluded alley where (unfortunately) there aren't any passer-bys. The guy is a lot larger to her, and a lot stronger. She does put up a fight, and trust me, I have got that point across well.

However, this was a cliche I wanted to use for my story, and had trouble penning it down.

Would appreciate a bit of help, if possible. If not, all good!
  





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Tue Jul 09, 2013 8:43 pm
Rosendorn says...



My last point of advice still stands— think about it from her point of view.

So you've established she needs saving. That's fine. People do need saving and they can't be strong all the time. (Although it is possible to take down a much larger and stronger opponent, you need to know how and be trained in such methods.)

So start with her initial reaction. How does she feel at being rescued? Even if you were in deep trouble, you can still be very much annoyed at needing rescue depending on personality. Move on to what the guy would say and what the creep would say. If she'd interrupt him or not.

And if you're worried about getting it "perfect", that's a whole other can of worms. The cold, hard truth is: you won't. Especially a first to third draft. Just get it written, get it down. Move on to the next scene.

You write to rewrite. To have something to edit and improve. Don't worry about getting it down right the first few times. Just get it down.
A writer is a world trapped in a person— Victor Hugo

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Tue Jul 09, 2013 10:47 pm
Kale says...



Why is she in a secluded alley in the first place? That's a huge DO NOT DO EVER for most women, especially at night and near bars.

Maybe the reason why the scene doesn't mesh is because the setup does not make sense from the characters' point of view.

Why is it absolutely necessary to use this particular cliche? Why can't you use a different scenario to bring them together? Experiment a bit with different situations and see how they play out. You may find one that works better, and is also less cliched.

It's a bit difficult to help without knowing more details about how your characters got into that particular situation, so a bit more background on how K wound up in the alley alone, what prompted the drunk to assault her, and how A just so happened to step in just in time to rescue her would help.
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