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Sat Jan 05, 2013 11:10 am
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AlenArdent says...



Hi everyone,

I am looking for opinions on, and questions about, the story of my novel, Darkness (a working title).

In the intensely religious Europe of the Dark Ages, a young peasant boy escapes to find medicine to save his mother and his beloved. He leaves despite rumours of an imminent barbarian attack on his village; despite the dangers of murderous bandits looming in the forests and near the roads; despite that he will be hunted down by the knights of his lord, for no peasant may leave the lands he works; despite that he is only chasing rumours of a medicine that is being practiced in secret by men who are being hunted by a fanatical warrior priest.

Any criticisms welcome, thank you.

Alen
  





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Sat Jan 05, 2013 4:45 pm
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Firestarter says...



Is this going to be historical or historical fantasy?

Because that will entirely alter my comments. If historical, nobody would leave their village to find medicine to save anybody. Because there wouldn't be any medicine to save them. The best they would do is apply a mixture of herbs for different ailments. The word "barbarian" is not really a term for any peoples; it was instead slur generally used by the Greeks and the Romans to refer to civilisations they believed to be beneath them. I suppose you could be referring to Vikings? It's hard to say without knowing where you plan to base your story in Europe, as there could be wildly different answers depending. Nonetheless, good knowledge on peasants being tied to their land. Lots of people don't realise how little people used to move around.

Basically, I think your idea by itself is fine as an initial idea. But I think it sounds better as a fantasy novel with historical elements. Things like fanatical warrior priests rarely existed in historical terms. Barbarians and bandits are fantasy tropes, in the main.

I'd also question why his village seems to have so many rumours! It would make more sense if he lived in a larger town I think. Otherwise a remote village would be unlikely to hear about barbarian attacks, SECRET medicines and the such. A town would have more merchants and people travelling through. You need to probe how a SECRET plot to create medicine would find its way to a peasant boy. That's your main plot challenge right now.
Nate wrote:And if YWS ever does become a company, Jack will be the President of European Operations. In fact, I'm just going to call him that anyways.
  





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Tue Jan 08, 2013 3:37 pm
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Paracosm says...



Hey Alen! Like Firestarter says, you should definitely consider writing this as a fantasy. The idea is great, and there's tons of potential in it. Living in a small town, I know that small towns can have just as many rumors as any other sized town. Word really travels quick.

Like Firestarter says, consider writing it as a fantasy and work out some of the little annoying kinks that come with any cool idea. If you have any questions or need any help, feel free to shoot me a PM.
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Don't panic!

Also, Shino!
  








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