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Young Writers Society


What do you think of this short piece of writing?



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14 Reviews



Gender: None specified
Points: 525
Reviews: 14
Wed Dec 12, 2012 10:54 pm
SmileILoveYou says...



This is a factual piece of writing, this was written on the spot, and I don't really follow a writing process. Thank you for the reviews!



I have issues, you know that. I haven’t been fully honest with you. My whole life, I’ve had people let me down. Both of the people I once called dad, my grandparents, my uncles, my old friends. The only person who I have ever believed truly loved me was my mom. For the longest time, I’ve looked for someone who could fill the void; someone who could replace my dad, because my own father doesn’t treat me like a daughter. That’s why I need you so badly; you give me everything my mom can’t. You make me laugh; you give me the comfort I’ve always wanted. My mom tries so hard to be everything to me, but she can’t, there are just some things she can’t do. My dad wasn’t around when I was growing up, I know it’s not his fault but instead of trying to be there for me now, he’s skipped over me like I’m nothing to him. That’s why I need you, you’re nothing like him. You’re fun, laid back, emotional; you make me feel like I’m not “retarded,” as he put it. I need you, I love you. I may seem annoying, but it’s just because I’m so afraid of losing you. I’m sorry.
Last edited by SmileILoveYou on Fri Dec 14, 2012 5:37 am, edited 1 time in total.
  





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1272 Reviews



Gender: Other
Points: 89625
Reviews: 1272
Thu Dec 13, 2012 7:13 am
Rosendorn says...



Hey!

If you're looking for reviews, I'd suggest expanding this a little and submitting it through here, or by clicking the "submit" link in the black bar up top. Then it'll show up in "Browse" which is where the reviewing happens. :)

~Rosey
A writer is a world trapped in a person— Victor Hugo

Ink is blood. Paper is bandages. The wounded press books to their heart to know they're not alone.
  





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117 Reviews



Gender: nonbinary
Points: 4007
Reviews: 117
Thu Dec 13, 2012 10:18 am
crossroads says...



Hey..
I think maybe you should put a note about it - like, is it a piece from a diary, or a part of a story, the beginning or perhaps the end, and what are you really asking of us, to review or to give advice(s) on how to go on with writing or how the character is to go on with life...
But I think it flows pretty nicely - the thoughts themselves are not light (that I know from experience, but never mind it now), but you wrote them in a clear way that isn't hard to read or to understand and relate to the character :)


@Rosey ~ I love your signature, and it's totally like me ^^
• previously ChildOfNowhere
- they/them -
literary fantasy with a fairytale flavour
  








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