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Nuancing Dialogue: Grammar + You



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Mon Jan 15, 2007 9:22 pm
smaur says...



First writing tip. Here we go.

Now, this is for all of you crazy kids who think grammar can't help you stylistically, that a comma's just a comma, and you can't manipulate it to enhance the quality of your story. Wrong answer. Let's go find the right one.

A disclaimer: I will be the last person to claim I've mastered dialogue. But I have a sick twisted love for grammar, and an even sicker love for editing. In terms of credentials — well, those are mine.




The Basics

Before you even begin thinking about thinking about the more complex uses of grammar in dialogue — go look at this. Learn it, know it, use it, love it, print it out and frame it and hang it up on your wall so that you will never, ever forget it. It's insane how many times I will come across a story in the Literary Section that doesn't punctuate its dialogue properly. It's insane how people who have supposedly made it past fifth grade still don't know better. It's not that hard. Seriously.

And I have a confession to make: you know when I come across these stories? The ones without proper dialogue punctuation? I can't take them seriously. At all. Yeah, yeah, "grammar isn't important, it's the story that counts."

Guess what?

I call you on your bull.

If you can't flip through a simple basic tutorial, or be bothered to ask questions, or educate yourself as a writer, if you can't be bothered to learn the simple stuff, the stuff that isn't even important, why should I trust you with the stuff that actually counts? The story, the characters, whatever?

So go learn this stuff. Grammar is your friend. Embrace the grammar. It is a part of your heart, and it wants to love you, not hurt you.

Remember: grammar is tiny, and although it looks scary, it is probably more afraid of you than you are of it.




Strength of Dialogue Tags

Dialogue tags are the, "he said," "she said," "Chloe stated," "Billy Bob expostulated," yadda yadda.

This is more of an aside, but it is super extremely important.

Basic things you should know:

    1. You are NOT allowed using "stated." - Just don't. Please. For the love of all that is holy. It's flat and terrible, and has never ever been used effectively in the history of storykind (and when it is mildly passable, you could easily replace it with "said"). "Stated" is the massive gaping wound in your dialogue. Readers will notice. Readers will point. And stare. And cry in their hearts.

    You don't want your readers to cry in their hearts.

    Logic says: don't use "stated."

    2. Conversely, it really IS okay to use "said." - Yes, yes, I know. That's not what your third grade teacher [s]stated[/s] said. Well, learn this now because it is important to pull the band-aid off as quickly as possible.

    Your third grade teacher was wrong.

    Was really really wrong.

    "Said," yes, is neutral. But that's why it's good. Because it's unnoticeable. Like a blip in your dialogue. This is a good thing.

    Now, don't overuse it, but that's another thing entirely.

    3. Watch your adverbs. - It's not bad to use adverbs, but keep an eye out for them. I have seen this a lot — heck, I've done it before — people using "said softly," instead of "murmured," or "said angrily," instead of "snapped," or something along those lines. When you use an adverb after your verb, just make sure that there's not a verb that encapsulates both your verb and your adverb that could be used just as well. Chances are, this verb will be more effective. Plus, verbs often have nuanced meanings which enhance your story — know them, use them, love them. You know the drill.





Punctuation Inside of Dialogue

A disclaimer, first. Yes, another one. One I probably should've mentioned earlier. Remember that this is about nuancing dialogue. This won't dramatically and radically alter the way your dialogue works — it shouldn't dramatically and radically alter the way your dialogue works. It's not supposed to.

Now, let's move on to some examples.

#1
"Jimbolina Q," boomed Mister Boss Dude. "I want you in my office, I want you there now, I want you there five minutes ago."

Compare this to:

"Jimbolina Q," boomed Mister Boss Dude. "I want you in my office. I want you there now. I want you there five minutes ago."

In the second example, the periods (and the brief sentences, created by the periods) make Mister Boss Dude more abrupt. It gives him an "I get to the point" (no pun intended) kinda vibe. He's short sentences, quick sentences, fast-fast-fast. It gives him a terse quality that, sans periods, he would not have.



#2
"The kitten?" Jimbolina echoed. "Yeah, it's dead. But I've got a good excuse. There was this flamingo, see ..."

Now, let's look at it, re-punctuated.

"The kitten?" Jimbolina echoed. "Yeah, it's dead — but I've got a good excuse! There was this flamingo, see ..."

In the second example? She admits that the kitten is dead, but quickly rushes over it and notes that she's got a good excuse. She's a bit desperate, or nervous, or anxious not to get on the wrong side of Mister Boss Dude. The em dash shows her quickly rushing into the "I've got a good excuse!" which in turn has an exclamation mark to emphasize it. In the second example, she's more emotionally invested in the topic at hand.

And we've got grammar to thank for that.



#3
"Well, uh. Then he demanded a kitten sacrifice, and I didn't have one. And then I remembered you had one. A nice fluffy one. Binky. And I figured, you already had two other kitties, so what the hell. The rest is history.

Version deux:

"Well, uh, then he demanded a kitten sacrifice, and I didn't have one — and then I remembered you had one (a nice fluffy one, Binky), and I figured — you already had two other kitties, so what the hell? The rest is history.

In the second example, Jimbolina's dialogue morphs into a great massive Run-On Sentence of Doom. She's rambling. Probably because she's nervous. Compare this to the first example, where the "Well, uh," is the biggest (only?) indicator that she's nervous about this. She seems a lot more collected in the first example. In the second, we've got the em dashes guest-starring again, to link two thoughts together and show how she's rushing on, and on, and on.

Again: grammar for the win.




And Last of All

Listen to the way people talk. Yeah, everyone says that, but it's true. Note the way they ramble, or don't, look at the way they pause and plunge on and stop and all of those lovely wee things that add layers to your writing. Watch movies and see how they do it. Watch t.v. shows and see how they do it. (This is why it's good to expose yourself to a variety of storytelling media.)

Befriend grammar. So that you are good friends, really good friends, and hold sleepovers and braid each others' hair. Grammar is nice and can braid hair like nobody's business.

And finally: If you've made it this far, you win a cookie of love.
"He yanked himself free and fled to the kitchen where something huddled against the flooded windowpanes. It sighed and wept and tapped continually, and suddenly he was outside, staring in, the rain beating, the wind chilling him, and all the candle darkness inside lost."
  





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Mon Jan 15, 2007 10:50 pm
Fishr says...



Dialogue has always been my friend. It's one of my favorites, and by far the most difficult to master. It's like an art within an art. This means while writing is an artform itself, dialogue is a seperate artform within writing. (I hope that made sense).

At any rate, great article, Smaur. It was put together neatly and it was easily understood. Thank you!

PS - I hug grammar tightly. ;)
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Mon Jan 15, 2007 10:54 pm
Firestarter says...



*parades cookie of love*

I hereby certify that everything in this article is the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. Yup. If everyone followed this, I would have a much easier time reading stories on this site.

I must also make an extra note to make sure I don't overuse those adverbs. I always do.
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Mon Jan 15, 2007 11:02 pm
Wiggy says...



Smaur, fantastic work, as usual. You have such clear, precise prose that it makes it so easy to understand the point you're trying to get across. I share the same pet peeve for incorrect grammar. For example, I hate when people use stuff like:

"Wait, wait, please," cried the boy-what's wrong, Papppy? Tell, me please. I just want to be you're freind!"

*breathes*

AAARRRGGGHHH!!!!!

Stuff like that drives me insane.

I'll give you a cookie of love for writing a great article. :D
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Mon Jan 15, 2007 11:02 pm
Sam says...



Ooh, Smaurness!

Forget the cookie of love- can I frame this and tape it up above my desk? :P
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Mon Jan 15, 2007 11:08 pm
Lilyy03 says...



So very true. Excellent article!
  





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Tue Jan 16, 2007 2:59 am
Snoink says...



Cookie of LOVE! I knew it... you were contributing to the obesity epidemic! :o

...evil Canadians.

Yes. Run on sentences, in dialogue can be your friends. I remember, in FREAK there's this one part where Daniel is really really nervous and it's a very awkward scene and he uses about fifty words in one sentence. Which is a lot. But, since he's nervous, it works.

Grammar can be bent in dialogue to make really neato effects. I sort of wonder why the grammarless people don't try to do this more. ;)
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Tue Jan 16, 2007 4:43 am
Emerson says...



I liked the examples the most. Jimbolina is such a weird name.

Very good article! I'll think of it when ever I'm writing dialog :-D
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Tue Jan 16, 2007 7:38 am
Swires says...



Good article. I certainly learned a few things.
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Tue Jan 16, 2007 11:27 pm
Cassandra says...



Hooray for cookies of love!

This was an excellent article. I'm thinking it should be made into some sort of contract, so that when you create an account with the site you have to agree to follow these rules. I hate reading a story, intending to talk about content and all that good stuff, but instead ending up talking about grammar! Ugh!

So the long and short of this is: thanks for the article, Smaur. :D
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Wed Jan 17, 2007 12:53 am
Elelel says...



YAY! I got a cookie of love!

Me and grammar have had our ups and downs, but if it's a love hate realtionship then it's generally more love than hate.

Fantabulously handy article.
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