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Thu Dec 10, 2015 9:12 am
Storygirl95 says...



Hey, everyone. I have a question. In my story, I have a scene where my two main characters have their car break down. It starts to rain, so they rush for cover. I need the building they go in(It should probably be a building, as it's New York City) to have nobody be in it. At all. It should have windows too. It's not so bad if it's not an "open" building or one that's in operation really, but I don't want them to have to walk around a creepy, clutter-ridden, condemned building from a horror movie haha. Also, they shouldn't need to really sneak in. They're not doing anything illegal.

Any ideas on such a place? Or is that too specific? If so, how can I modify it so I can still have a believable scene?
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Thu Dec 10, 2015 10:13 am
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Pompadour says...



I've found it's always helpful to ask yourself questions when you want to make a scene 'believable'. So, first things first, how conducive will it be to your plot for them to enter an empty building? Why does this need to happen? What's running through the characters' minds when they run into /this/ particular building? Is it drizzling or is it actually pouring?

What time of day is it when their car breaks down? As in, is it late at night, because then it would totally make sense for the streets to be largely empty, and if said building is an office building, it's likely that it'd be pretty empty after-hours, too.

That said--it's New York, so there must be at least some people around, going about their business or whatever, and it's very, very unlikely that anyone would choose to enter a building completely devoid of people when there are other, more accommodating shops/cafés/whatever around. And--this might be because I have absolutely no context from the actual work to go by, but--the visuals I'm getting from this, so far, are those of a relatively quieter, abandoned part of the city. So it might be a good idea to decide which part of New York this is taking place in? Inner city or main streets? I'm also inclined to think there'd be quite a few people around, so it might also make sense for the characters to ask around for help or something?

I don't know your characters well enough, their situation well enough, or much of anything, really. But if you're having trouble with moving forward, if deciding on a realistic location is actually impeding the writing, then it would make sense to think about the split-second decisions guiding your characters + the surroundings and wider area the characters are currently in. Abandoned and/or quiet parts of the city equal, in most likelihood, unsuccessful businesses and perhaps sketchiness(?), residential areas, with few people out on the streets, etc. Time's an important factor, too. Is it early morning or late afternoon? Late at night or high noon?

Aside from location, of course, there are more practical ways of looking at it--couldn't they try to push the car towards the side of the road/towards the pavement? (Because car breakdowns happen here a lot during monsoon seasons--that's when there's a lot of heavy rain--and I've been witness to more than one of these scenes before!) It would then also make sense for them to sit in the car and perhaps call someone to pick them up or something, if there really /is/ no one around to help. So, yeah, it might be a good idea to weigh out all possible options before you move on.
Last edited by Pompadour on Fri Dec 11, 2015 5:54 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Thu Dec 10, 2015 10:37 am
Storygirl95 says...



Those are all important things to think about. I don't know if you were just giving me advice or if you want answers.

Essentially, it can be wherever in the city I want it to be. It's later at night. I suppose they don't have to be entirely alone but there can't be anyone nearby. The problem isn't so much the car, but that they need space. In a nutshell they're supposed to have this big moment between the two of them where they won't get interrupted. The girl has a lightning phobia so when it starts to storm the other character decides to take her mind off of it by dancing with her(and playing music from his phone, which is another reason they need to be at least sort of alone so nobody gets irritated.) I like the idea of them being in the car, but this makes that not possible.

Also, this is the way it has to go. But it's frustrating. They do call for help, and they were supposed to wait in the building. However, your questions make me wonder why they would leave the car. Ugh, they need to haha.

I am fine with the idea of an office bundling, that might work if she had no signal for a call by the car, but if it's late and there's not really anyone around, can they get in? Also, I'm faced with the alone problem again. There would probably be workers within close proximity to them.
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Thu Dec 10, 2015 11:21 am
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Pompadour says...



How important is the dancing scene? If it leads up to something plot-wise, then you might have to figure it out, but if the situation isn't leading up to it happening, then it'll just look forced. Also, isn't there another way to get her mind off things, something else which could work as a jump in character-development (if that's your aim with the scene)?

(I'm sorry if it seemed I was drilling you or anything, but I think advice is better delivered with some context.)
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Thu Dec 10, 2015 2:43 pm
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Vervain says...



The issue I have with this is similar to something Pomp voiced: Why would your characters go into an empty building when - especially in NYC - there's more likely than not a 24-hour store or even just an open building down the street? From what I'm hearing of this scene, it feels like you're really contriving this to have the most impact, but that doesn't mean it's going to be a good or even plausible scene for the reader.

Why can't they go into a late-night office building that's still open? Why can't they go into a 24-hour convenience store or grocery store or such? A night-owl café? If you can't answer these questions with solid fact, to put it bluntly, your reader will not believe your scene for a minute.

It could be as simple as putting the romantic scene off until you can change the setting - have them out of the city in some smaller place - and just having her freak out now, too.

Yes, your scene idea sounds romantic, but in the execution, you'll have a lot of doubts to assuage if you don't address specific reasons why they would pick a closed (and probably locked - so illegal to break into) building over an open place that's probably at the end of the street.
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Fri Dec 11, 2015 2:04 am
Storygirl95 says...



@Pompadour, it's probably one of the most important scenes in the book. Perhaps that's why I'm having so much trouble with it.
It's okay, you're not drilling me haha. I appreciate your help.

@Arkhaion they can't go into one of those places since they need to be alone people wise. However, I fully sympathize with the doubts. It would indeed be hard to be alone in New York City. I want it to be as realistic as possible.


What do you guys think of a parking garage? One of those ones where you're not completely underground but there's a ramp to the outside? I know it seems a little out of what I described, but maybe? Then there could be people who were still working nearby, not an absence of people entirely, but they could still not be around since it's just parking. Also, they could be out and about and the car wouldn't work when they got in it. This would allows me to keep them in the car but move them out if I need to. Would that work? Or is that unlikely too?

I promise I'm not being snappy haha. You both make very great points, and I want to address them as much as possible. Thank you in advance for your time. ^_^
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Fri Dec 11, 2015 4:52 pm
Kale says...



The parking garage is a lot more plausible, and depending on how late it is, the garage would be pretty empty, not just of people but of cars as well.

You get the added bonus of the ticket being super expensive for a dusting of conflict.
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